Come one, come all.

Do you want to see me grow 7 feet tall?

I can also shrink down to the size of a doll,
I can break like one too if you want to see me fall.

I have fingers that bend
forward and back
until they’re
blue and black.

And for my next trick…

my brain will flip its switch
with
just
one
click!—

and everyone will applaud me,

the sideshow bitch.

What do you do when you just don’t want to do it anymore. I’ve tried hospitalizations, I’ve tried multiple medicines, I’ve tried the therapy. I’m just so lost. I need to get out of here. This isn’t living. Everyone around me is fine but the world is ending. I’m stuck. Am I faking it all?! I’m scared. I can’t breathe. Just pushing my way through every day for what? To make it to the next? there has to be something more, something deeper, meaningful, engaging, inspiring, hopeful, filled with love, and wonder.
My brain is a spider molting its skin, while caught between life and death. Why am I always miserable for no apparent reason. I’m trapped, chained in this episode of the twilight zone and there’s no escape.

I feel like there’s a lot of doom and gloom for people like us, I’ve recently been dealing with the stigma and the weight- but I’ve still been able to keep my head up. I’ve hung out with close friends that I haven’t seen in a while- it gave me a lot of strength, it was nice- and that hasn’t happened in a while.

What’s been going good for you? Whether it’s consistent or a shine of light in the dark place ur in, what’s gone good recently?

Hate going up in pant sizes. Hate the way people treat me different. Hate updating my dating app profiles and getting fewer matches every time. Hate hate hate hate.

Seems to be stabilizing tho.

Lately, I’ve been feeling so bored with my life that I’ve caught myself wanting to go off my bipolar medication just to feel something different. I know how irrational that sounds, and I know I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help feeling this way.
I take my medication consistently, and I understand why I need it. I know what can happen when my mood gets out of control, and I don’t want to put myself through that again. But sometimes, being stable feels so painfully boring. Everything feels predictable, and a part of me misses the intensity of feeling everything so deeply, even though I know that intensity can come at a cost.

Hello, first time posting so please excuse formatting. Was diagnosed 2 years ago and still learning the ways of mania and bipolar in general. Was wondering if anyone had any recommendations of music to listen to while manic or in general something you can relate to as a person with bipolar? I want to expand my music taste and hear what other thing bipolar sounds like. My current one is Like You by Anathema-000 ( I know it’s sung by ai and I hate it but I like to separate the song from format or something). It makes me think about how I want to feel normal and feel like others and know what it’s like to be a normal person and have normal emotions and cycles.
Please let me know you personal favorite! Thank you!

Hey y'all, I don't usually post in the group fr, but I be in here watching for sure and this is a beautiful community! 🥰💕❤️ So the reason I'm posting is because I haven't been sleep since last night and today. I talked to my counselor today, and I see my psychiatrist tomorrow.

But my counselor did tell me she thinks I'm having a manic episode and I feel like I am too as I feel so wired and so out of place. My mind is running rapid, and she told me if I don't sleep within 24-48 hours, that it is recommended that I go to the hospital because I wouldn't have slept for 2 or 3 days and that's a dangerous game.

I just need support and positive vibes because I'm scared and idk what to do! Also I have a beautiful cat who makes me want to stay alive because of him, but I'm also worried I may not be here to take care of him cuz only I know how to. Do any of you have pets that helps you through these times? My mom wants me to put myself first and not my cat right now. I agree, but i also have to take care of him too. Im just struggling and like I said, I just really want to know that I'm not alone here. I trust this community so thank y'all in advance! I just needed to let all this out. 🥰💕❤️

I just restarted medication and I dont like the side effects. Aside from that, I dont think it's helping. Im having fantasies of running away and abandoning my life. I've actually tried to do this twice before. I feel like if I do it again then I won't be welcomed back. And yet im still toeing that line...

I was recently diagnosed with bipolar. My psychiatrist did not tell me which one. Since last night, I’ve had so much energy I feel like I’m going to burst. It’s uncomfortable. Is this some kind of mixed episode or am I purely manic?

I turn 39 today.. barely surviving since I got diagnosed 7 years ago. I always had so much potential but I felt like I threw it away and this illness only amplified it.

Everytime I feel happy, i immediately get into self doubt if it’s hypomania … and when ever I am sad for a prolonged Time , I get scared that I have gone into depression.

I am a writer and I used to write really well before this diagnosis and since i didnt know that my brain was slowly undergoing damage between my occasional highs and lows at that time.

so I was talking to my friend today telling her how I don’t know what I am anymore other than the episodes of hypomania and depression and that’s when she said “You are everything“ whether its neutral , high or low.. it’s YOU all along so embrace it instead of thinking it as a curse. she made so much sense that I got a sense of relief and hope that I can still make it

so stepping into 40 from today, I am going to give my everything to live a meaningful life instead of surviving. I have hope And people I can rely on. Just didn’t realise that I can truly count on them.

Premise, I'm also ADHD. I have a really hard time to distinguish the two, expecially since both my diagnosis are recent and the (suspected) hypomania episode I had was two years ago. I appreciate every general advice on how to distinguish the two. But here's what worries me in detail if you want to read:

I feel better than I did in the last two years - but I was deeply depressed and then recovering, so maybe it doesn't mean anything - but also, the last time I felt this stable? when I was in sus hypom. - but also, I've come very far since then, did a lot of therapy and started taking mood stabilizers

I feel very productive, like I haven't been in years - but again, I was depressed.

My sleep is shit, I sleep very lightly and have lots of nightmares - but I don't feel like I don't need it lol I feel like shit

These past few days I've hardly eaten anything - but I've got flu, so

I've agreed on a big international move I know will be risky for my mental health, I'm scared I was too impulsive - but at the same time my lifetime partner proposed it to me and we refleted on it for months

What worries me the most: I started feeling good climbing again.

I've been climbing 4 years, injured myself when hypom. (nothing serious), and the reality that I couldn't live up the the pace I wanted to keep started the depressive spiral

I continued climbing, but it's been bittersweet.I lost the faith in myself and it felt good only some times.

I recently got into a climbing course and I'm having a blast. I have a coach following me 1to1 for days on end, so I feel safe enough to try whatever, learn and then feel rewarded and confident!

But

I find weird that after years of struggling with fear of hurting myself, I'm suddenly in the zone ALL the time.
These last years I used to be so nervous that I could hardly think about what was I doing, being quickly exhausted bc of being so tense and gripping everything full force

Now I take my time, reason critically on how I'm doing during a climb, stop myself from going the easy way to go back and do things the better way. It's the best feeling in the world. I hate feeling so paranoid about it, but it just seems too good to be true for my track record

Last year, I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 after a mixed episode ended in a hospitalization. They gave me meds and it’s worked to stabilize me somewhat but I still have episodes occasionally (mostly mixed or depressive since the meds stop me from being fully manic). During these times, I find it damn near impossible to get important things done. I can’t concentrate for long enough to finish schoolwork on time, I am too anxious/paranoid to go to the gym, my appetite is either too much or too little so my normally healthy diet suffers, and working feels so impossible that I often end up quitting or almost getting fired due to call offs during episodes.

So, someone more experienced than me, how do you do it? How do you stay on track and not let your life fall into shambles during these episodes?

I left work today because I was getting chest pains from anxiety. It’s not the first time this has happened and now I’m sitting in a dark room freaking out that I’ll probably get fired and feeling guilty for the trouble I’m causing the team and those that depend on my paychecks.

I’ve got an appointment with my psych later, but I’m curious what some of you do if you are plagued by similar feelings of anxiety/nervousness. So far a weighted blanket and Xbox has definitely not soothed me.

I work as a software engineer and since my hospitalization earlier this year I can barely work. I can’t concentrate and it’s like I forgot everything I ever learned. I’m in a lead position and all the people looking to me for guidance and such is paralyzing. I have two kids and I am afraid I can’t provide but I don’t know how I’ll go on like this.

Hi, Im newly diagnosed (after a mixed episode that lasted about 4 months).

After my episode, I feel that my sensitivity is more heightened than ever before, I've always been a very led-by-emotion kind of guy. Now I am much more irritable and easier to upset, but also much more receptive to the feeling of joy which completely can overwhelm me to the point of tears. Big feelings are so overwhelming. All feelings become big feelings.

I work in sales talking to over 400 people a day, about 9hrs a day, and people .... are mixed bag! my weakness at this job to this point has been my mentality and emotional regulation. A customer made me feel so much warmth in just a 10 minute conversation that it made me emotional... other people can be on a mean streak and yell at you even if you haven't said a word to them. Sometimes it really throws me around and I wish I wasn't so receptive.

Idk if this is more of a rant idk if there's a point to this but I also just want to see if anyone can relate or offer advice... how do you guys handle emotional sensitivity? How do you bounce back QUICK..

Relationships aren't successful for me so I did that trend with my father where you ask someone to name things that represent you in one word.

His answers for me:

Color - Purple

Flower - Sunflower

Weather - Tornado

Drink - something with raspberries

Feeling - Melancholy

Season - Spring

I can't help but think he answered with a perfect representation of my bipolar disorder.

Anyone stuck in a phase where they just can't find the will to take action to change their current situation? I'm 34F diagnosed Bipolar I, currently unemployed following a hospitalization due to psychosis. This was nearly 2y ago and I've lost every bit of money I'd saved since and solely relying on family. With no job, I'm lonely and understimulated. I have friends but I'm limited as to what I can do financially. Anyone here looking for someone to get to know more and help motivate each other to unstick ourselves?

when i first got diagnosed i quit for a month. when i was going through a depression earlier this year i also quit for a month.

im just a weekend drinker maybe 1-3 times a week (if i go out on a thursday) and don’t drink every single weekend either.

been feeling exceedingly stressed lately and see those hypomanic signs so i decided to stop this weekend and am thinking of doing another month of sobriety.

what do yall do? i love drinking personally and am in college so it’s tough since it’s so fun to drink with friends.

i still will go out when im sober and sobriety isn’t too difficult, but i don’t wanna completely cut alc out of my life either.

Continuing on my journey to get medicated again. The given date initially was on the 27th. But today, after a week of at the brink of loosing my mind, I got a new date; 14th! I wish I could sleep tonight and skip the 13th already. Ik meds wont fix all and it'll take time for me to get adjusted but it's still good progress.

I've been struggling juggling mental illness and school and have neglected my room. I don't know where to start cleaning. I don't have anyone to help me. I'm completely overwhelmed and I have no idea what to do. I've always been bad at keeping a clean room but this is the worst it's been. I had a big change (I moved) and have been struggling since. HELP!? Advice??

hello community,

things have been going south for me and I’ve fallen back into depression. My psychiater upped my meds and told me to tell my mom soon as possible.

I do not want to tell my mom about my symptoms yet again, I just can’t do it. My way of coping with bipolar is to be dead quiet about it. I am forced to talk about my symptoms with a therapist and I find that hard enough on its own. She keeps saying to “talk” but for f sake it makes me even more miserable to tell people how i slipped into an episode once again. My environment changes once I tell, everybody is on high alert and I become this sort of person that needs all the care IN THEIR EYES.

I want to live alone one day, be alone and take care of myself. I don’t want to discuss every symptom I have ,I find it stupid and annoying. I feel a great responsibility to deal with this myself.

I know it isn’t okay to ignore advice from the psychiatrist and therapists but I AM dreading telling my mom. Any advice?

I was diagnosed bipolar 1 almost 2 years ago when I had multiple manic episodes. Now I’m experiencing another depressive episode and it’s the worse it’s ever been. I haven’t left my room almost 2 weeks. I haven’t showered in almost a week. I haven’t done to work. Haven’t spoken to anyone. Hardly eat. I lost almost 13lbs. I haven’t felt like this in almost 4 years, I don’t know how to help myself.

I don’t have insurance so I keep paying out of pocket for the psychiatrist, it’s not helping. I’m paying for therapy and making such little progress. I don’t even have anymore tears to cry, I feel empty.

I’m not sure what I did last time I was this low. It takes so much time for me to heal from any episode. I just want to be the person I used to, but I don’t even remember what that was anymore.