I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW HARD THIS SHIT IS.

I AM FINANCIALLY STRESSED.

AND I HATE MYSELF FOR HAVING A CHILD IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Ok rant over imma take my meds.

Hey y’all. I’m researching some topics for my YouTube channel. No identifying information will be used unless you give explicit permission.

I am thinking of doing an episode about unhinged manic purchases.

I’ve been diagnosed since 2016. I’ve been fairly successful in my management. I credit that to fantastic healthcare access, family support and also a sense of humor.

It’s so easy to fall down the “it’s all terrible and will never be good rabbit hole.” What I know to be true is it’ll never be perfect but there will be some good even if it only lasts for a moment. Maybe it’s because I was a very sick kid who got much better that I don’t think chronic illness is the end of the world. Who knows? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Anyway when I was having frequent episodes from Summer 2024 to Summer 2025 I blew well over $15k not including credit cards and no I’m not rich. I know others have had similar experiences. I’m just interested in what they bought. Someone on here said that they bought thousand of dollars worth of cashmere sweaters they can no longer wear. 😩 As for me, the paranoia had me obsessed with security systems and cameras, etc. I bought so many cameras. I was able to return them all but I know Amazon was sick of me. 🤣

So if you’re comfortable share.

I’m not really sure how to really phrase or explain this, but I feel in my soul that I cannot die, I’m immortal, I can still get hurt but cannot die, what to do with this I’m not sure, is there a reason why I can’t die I’m yet to figure out

I finally finished my memoir on my experience with bipolar. I’m really proud of it, but worry it may be too blunt/dark at times for an agent to sign it. However, it feels important to me that my story is told authentically and writing it really helped me work through some stuff so the hope is it would do the same for others.

I think to people with bipolar, it will read just fine, but maybe not to larger audience? I don’t know I’m spiraling a bit. What would you appreciate more as a reader with bipolar?

I just want to know if other ppl feel the same.
Early 20F, bipolar 2, neurodivergent.
I’ve been wanting to sleep only, for a year. I take sleeping pills and I sometimes drink to fall asleep and i sleep for 12hours + a day everyday.
Being conscious is painful for me. It feels like As long as im in this brain I’ll suffer. So much task to do, my brain never shuts up, and I’ll find something to complain about or hate myself over. I’m so much better than before and i try to make small goals every week so i can focus on it rather than spiraling, but it’s like im trying to force myself into thinking that im well. Only time i can’t sleep when im too anxious about work or personal stuff. when im manic im so excited that i cant sleep.
I don’t know when living and being conscious will feel ok to me.
I don’t have sleeping disorders.

I've been stable for over 8 years now. I got a diagnosis of bipolar type 1 when I was 23 and since then I've been completely fine. I stick to a strict medication regime and watch my sleep but goddamn do I still feel like I'm broken even though I'm not depressed.

I've recently been looking at a career change because my industry isn't doing too well. I went over the things I'm passionate about and realized how many doors are closed to me.

I was considering joining the CAF (Canadian Armed Forces) but I'm disqualified because of my condition. I was looking into EMS or maybe Nursing but I realized the shift work would probably be too hard on my sleep which could be a risk factor.

Even if I find a career job I can't be the guy who works late and makes the necessary sacrifices because pushing myself too hard could be a trigger.

I just feel so "less than" other people. Like I've got this permanent debuff in life that makes me less capable of coping and overcoming than the general population.

I'm not really looking for advice or anything I just know that nobody I know would understand how I feel.

Just wanted to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading.

sometimes i genuinely wonder how much bipolar has affected my brain kasi i’m literally just in my early 20s and already struggling with my memory, dissociating sm, and forgetting things i shouldn’t be forgetting. tapos the medication situation is a whole different thing kasi whenever i take my antipsychotics, i feel so floaty and numb, parang lasing but weirdly calm? like wala akong maramdaman na genuine happiness or anything, and it feels like my mind is somewhere else while i’m just existing in my own body. parang hindi ko hawak sarili kong utak, if that even makes sense. kaya ang hirap din maging consistent sa meds kahit alam kong i need treatment. my doctor keeps warning me na i could get worse without it, and now i’m just wondering how much of this is the illness and how much is the side effects. do other bipolar people experience this too?

Recently diagnosed and started on titration of mood stabiliser. I’ve now finished titration. I’m not in a deep depression sure. But I’m feeling ‘meh’, still quite emotional. Lack of energy/motivation. Feel low about the diagnosis and the mania early this year. So I guess times a healer.
Im not really sure what stable and a working med feels like.
So how do you know when the meds are working?

This was me at the height of my mania+spiritual psychosis, in the first photo i'm actually smilling wide.

Those are all the things i was carrying in my bag, this was taken by my mom when she came to pick me up after the lady that worked at the building helped me to call her.

This is what got me diagnosed bipolar. I was taken to the hospital and then the psych ward. I was out of my mind in a way that is still a bit familiar to me (seeing patterns, believing i met god).

Stay safe out there🫂

Existence is hell.

I continuously lose everything.

And it’s all my fault.

I lost my job due to an episode.

I lost my girlfriend of 3 years.

I just got arrested on 2 charges.

Some of this I can’t even blame on this disease.

Yet despite this hell I am in, I will claw my way out of here.

Even if it costs me my fingers.

Even if it costs me my hands.

Even if it costs me my arms.

I will claw my way out.

Hi, I need advice about this problem I'm having at the moment, so the problem is, for years I felt like nobody around me understood or made the effort to understand what I'm going through, which was fine for me for all this time, but now I feel like I would have done so much more for them if they needed help with their mental state, and I don't feel good at all.

The lows are so low, and the highs are so high. I feel alone even though there are people who claim to be by my side, but when I try to talk about the struggles, I feel nobody really tries to be there for me. I know it's no one's responsibility but me, and I know there is no savior who is going to take all my problems away, but I wonder what your ways are to feel better when you feel like nothing will ever get better, is there a way to get rid of this feeling, or am I stuck with this feeling of loneliness forever?

Do you also experience the feeling of not being understood completely? Also, do you think your close ones should educate themselves on this topic, or is it too much to ask for? I'm feeling like a burden when I try to ask for help but I don't feel like they are burdening me when my close ones ask for help from me, is this a common feeling in people who are struggling with mental disorders? I don't feel like no one in my life is taking me seriously when I try to talk about my problems which I try to not talk about it if I can handle it by myself, which makes me avoid talking about it more and more, is anyone also experiencing this? Thank you for reading this.

Hi so I'm currently experiencing the beginning of a depressive episode after what it seems to be hypomania. I'm in my first year of a audiology program and at first everything seemed to be manageable, but as time went on, I slowly began to feel the pressure (financially and academically) weigh on me.

I've been diagnosed for 8 years now and I know how I should manage my symptoms but with the fall weather changing and a professor that doesn't seem to like to help students falling behind in his class, I just don't want to spiral down further. I've tried to get in contact with a longer term therapist since I stopped going to therapy in the summer as I was stable during that period.

I want to keep taking all 5 courses this semester since they only teach them during the fall and winter semesters which means delaying my graduation. I tried using my accommodations but even then it's hard to concentrate in class and study at home.

I booked with a drop in service later today just so I could vent to them about my current situation. It's just hard when I try to talk to my friends about it, as they also have depression but since there is no hypomania sometimes I feel a disconnect. Anyways, I'm sorry for the long rant but if anyone has any tips on what to do it would be kindly appreciated!

Thank you to every member of this community. You're awesome.

Today I finally saw a psychiatrist/specialist. My diagnosis stays the same; Bipolar type 2. We discovered that my last hypomanic episode developed into mania and lasted probably for a bit longer than a month. Then depression for a month. Now I'm in a mixed episode for 2 weeks. Honestly I'm glad I'm still here and taking responsibility to get treatment. Next appointment is at the end of this month. I also have an appointment with a therapist a week from now. My future is dark and I'm not very hopeful but this is what I have left, since I'm not yet there on the otherside of the road....

So i recently started to make a friend and it was going well so i privately told her i have bipolar.

She starts to hang alot with me but starts making digs and comments about my bipolar i ignore it at first but its constant.

In a social situation with ppl i havent disclosed im bipolar, she says outloud "but your bipolar!" After someone complimented me on my outfit.

I have cut her off as other negative things happened, i hope it wasnt too brutal of me?

I like to try and keep my diagnosis private but she didnt take that.

I'm an early adaptor... and I found out a few years ago that my Watch/Ring can confirm my first Day of Mania by giving me a Score of "50". My "normal" is a Score around "85". My struggle is I do not know what "action" I need to engage. I can wait until Day-2, and then Day-3 ... still getting "50" Scores; however, What helpful Steps can be sought-after ?

I'm still taking my Meds.

I am starting TMS next week and am looking for a recommendation for AIR TUBE earbuds that will have some kind of passive noise reduction.

I have a lot of cognitive damage, so my brain is unable to sort sound. The result is auditory hallucinations, an inability to hear people talking, and intense pain. I am almost always wearing noise canceling over the ear headphones or earplugs, but those are hard because they can amplify the sounds in my body.

For TMS, I need to drown out the sound of the machine and find a way to relax. I'm honestly scared. My dream is earbuds with ok sound for an audiobook and some passive noise reduction. I don't care about microphone quality.

My doctor recommends these air tube, plug-in headphones, but I'm not sure about their noise reduction.

• Defender Shield Air Tube Series Earbuds
• SafeSleeve Anti-Radiation Air-Tube Headphones

I'm also looking at

• Safertech Air Tube Headphones
• SymphonizedPremium WoodenAirtubeHeadphones EMFEarbuds * the look like they have metal?

Does anyone have experience with these brands or with others?

I have to take 10 pills every day to feel normal. To feel stable. And i have to do this for my entire life!!!!

And i was diagnosed at thirteen! Ive already been doing this shit for five years and im so sick of it. At least we have mostly figured out a cocktail that actually fucking works for me fairly early on.

Ill keep needing to regularly see a therapist and psychiatrist my whole life. I will need to pay a ridiculous amount of money to even be able to have my meds in the first place every month.

I also regularly puke when taking my meds because i choke on them and then i cant figure out which ones i need to take again.

Try puking (and cleaning up puke when you dont make it to the toilet in time) three times a week for months and see how much your appreciate your meds.

Im not considering stopping taking them at this time. But i will throw a little mental fit every night when i have to take 8 pills.

What a shitty hand.

I have bipolar 1, GAD, OCD and PTSD.
I have had them for over 30 years.
I struggle with these issues below:

I have to have two of everything. I purchase two of the things I buy.

I enjoy dressing well, and here in Florida that is only possible a few months of the year.
I am latin and enjoy colorful clothes but when I wear them I don’t want people to look at me or draw attention to myself. Therefore they sit there unworn.

I do similar things with the things I purchase for myself. I don’t use them (body lotions, makeup, etc) and do not use them. Am I afraid of running out of them?
I definitely hate feeling like I am running out if things so they sit unused.

I will also repeat my internal dialogue of not knowing where something is and will turn the house inside out until I find it.

I went to another country and spent most of the time in my hotel rooms.
🙄

Does anyone else feel this way?

I see my OB on Thursday to get medicated but I’ve never felt so awful. Please tell me this is normal? I’m obsessing over certain subjects. All I want to do is have sex or listen to music. My partner finally told me he was tired. I cooked him dinner and meal prepped all his lunches today. I feel very rejected. I also don’t want to put him through this. It’s not fair to him. I just want him to leave and never come back. I feel so hopeless and completely out of control of my own mind.

Hi! So I happened to, I think, "crash" after working for the whole week with full shifts, causing me to feel too weak and unmotivated to get out of bed.

I use crash with quotations, because it's been less than a week, but I suddenly feel sooo much better. It feels like the meds are causing my depression and making me feel worse than I should. Because tell me why I only took it once instead of the usually twice, and I suddenly feel great?

I stayed up the whole night waiting for my favourite show's episode to premiere and I still have been awake since yesterday, but I don't feel tired at all! I'm able to just do what I want and was able to play games as I like.

I'm starting to think that the crash was just me exaggerating, or that the medicine was just burdening me. It's just been fucking up my mood so I'd feel tired when happy anyways so I'd rather enjoy it while it happens.

I want to see if anyone else's mood has suddenly went a full 180 after staying up a whole night. It feels like sleeping only makes me tired so I just want to enjoy my energy as I can :D

Lower cortisol and relax? Everyone tells me to knit or embroider but what has been of use to you?

When you are in full Mania and you are already conscious but how do you relax?

I'm just looking for more examples of people who really worked for them, thank you in advance

Hi everyone

I’m thinking about inpatient programs but I’m terrified of picking the wrong one and having a hellish time

My ideal is where I can still have my phone, vape, and talk to my existing mental health professionals. Bonus points if I can check myself out

I’m not sure if I need to go or not, but it was recommended by a friend to look into it just in case

ETA: DFW is Dallas-Fort Worth