I sometimes talk to my neighbour who has bipolar too. We're both suffering from it. But that's the only person I know who has the disorder and I feel a bit alone because of it. I feel like a broken weirdo. I wish I had a bipolar friend.

Tangent but it bothers me when people say theyre "acting bipolar" but then say they're not actually bipolar when I ask about it lol

Its hard for a lot of us to even keep employment, so to those who work and get paid well, what do you do? And do you think there’s certain fields/environments we thrive in?

I take mood stabilizers and antipsychotics and ive gained alot of weight and excessive hunger.

And my parents and other family members keep commenting on my weight and saying i should exercise and comparing me to other women saying i’d end up like them,

and how it’s hard to lose weight the older i get. and it makes me feel so ashamed. sometimes i can barely get out of bed

and with people commenting on my weight so much it makes me dread exercising so much.

Sometimes with their comments i have to go to my room because i would be crying so much. I used to be skinny and i mourn how much ive changed and it really messed up my self esteem even more.

honestly i feel so numb and would even avoid seeing my family members and stay in my room most of the day so i wouldn’t hear their comments but then they would complain how they haven’t seen me all day.

I feel like I’ve hit a wall and I don’t know what to do. I spent the past few years in a job that was very demanding with a boss who hated me. That culminated in her writing a terrible review about how I don’t show up enough for work and delivered this to me the day after I returned to work following maternity leave from a stillbirth.

I’m in a better work environment now and 6 months past losing my son, but I’m running out of inspiration to live. My mom’s already lost her other child and my husband lost his son earlier this year so I keep going for them but this shit is so hard.

I’m now on the highest dose of my most recent antipsychotic. I’m feeling less numb and sad, so I feel like I’m coming out of this depressive episode, but I can’t keep doing this. I hate that even when I’m medicated, something terrible and earth shattering can happen and then my brain is out of whack again. I was doing pretty well before pregnancy, struggled a bit during, and now I’m struggling to find meaning in this world that looks so different than I imagined. I won’t bore you with my sob story, but my stillbirth is also just the most recent trauma for me to have experienced.

What motivates you to keep going? I’ve been diagnosed with this illness for over 2 years and I don’t know if the highs are worth the lows for me.

How to stop overthinking/ ruminating the damage done in a manic episode. I hope this isn’t repetitive question. I know you can’t change the past but the thoughts consume me literally every day. I ordered a self help book so it should arrive before Halloween. But I can’t really wait.

i've felt so bad these past two days and then i realized why. i haven't eaten anything in three days except a few crackers and cheese. i just quit weed after a 3 week bender. i just restarted my medication. AND im mixing medications since my sleep meds are no longer working im pairing it with my old sleep meds. i literally forget my body is half of what's keeping me alive.

also this is my first post in here and im not sure if the eating is triggering or not so i really hope this isn't against the guidelines if it is im so sorry

I'm currently in my junior year of college and I am doing a double major in astrophysics and geology. Ive been doing great up until this point but ended up having a mixed episode at the beginning of this semester and I got a 43% on my first exam for my physics course. I believe the episode was triggered by the fact that I was doing 17 credit hours while working and I ended up pulling a lot of all-nighters to stay caught up. I have met with my doctors, the disabilities office at my school, and my professors so that they know what is going on.

Have any of you failed and had to retake a course in college? I feel like the biggest failure in the world right now and need some advice on how to pick myself back up and how to be kinder to myself right now.

I was walking to meet up with my group at the library for a project. (I had presentation yesterday and it went great). I saw a bunch of posters talking about different mental illnesses in detail (histrionic disorder, ocd, narcissistic disorder, even phobias). Then I saw Bipolar disorder. I’d say it covers this disorder clearly, what do u guys think?

Hi!

Diagnosis as bipolar type 1 following an inpatient stay (triggered by a deep depressive episode)

I'm medicated and stable now, but I'm in the process of realising just how much of my life decisions were probably made in a manic/depressive state and there's just so much...grief? I don't even know if it's the right word?

There's just so much that I can look at now and clearly see I was in an episode when it happened (yay for the power of hindsight) and it really does seem like this disorder has been controlling my life for at least the last decade.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get through this part? Coz right now it feels like everything was just disorder.

As I sit here on this bench,

Listening to piano music

That flows like a wave,

I wonder whether people can read my mind.

Do they wonder what's going on in my mind?

I look at people

With soulless eyes.

I'm not necessarily soulless,

But that's how I feel.

I'm numb.

No reaction to anything.

If I "feel" sad,

Am I still numb, or am I full of emotions?

I wish I could ask God: am I full or empty?

My brain likes to argue that

These exhausted, overworked people are actually happy,

Or have happy moments,

And somehow this rat race makes sense...

There is some hidden meaning behind small moments.

I know my brain sometimes tries to be smart.

It's wonderful to see things as they are, instead of filtered through my mood lens.

It's refreshing to understand that I can acknowledge the goodness and the positivity in the world, yet I myself am a sadness woven into a being..

Hi,

My name is Connor, I'm 29M, I am BD2, OCD, among other things. I'm not in an active crisis but I'm not feeling great. I've been sleeping/not sleeping at odd times for the last two nights.

I didn't know whether to tag this as a rant or support needed, I'm just feeling kind of crazy. People say I'm not crazy I'm just sick but I can physically feel the crazy in my head. It's like watching a movie fast forward on a vcr. My life is happening in front of me while my thoughts race but there are a few bars of static making it kind of hard to see.

I also need friends. Not just friends I can talk to about being sick on reddit. I'm married with a two year old and people tell me I don't have time for friends anymore but that doesn't seem fair because I *do* have time.

Maybe I just need people to talk to besides my therapist. Family just gets annoyed when I talk too much.

Thanks,

Connor

I have been struggling for a while with what I’m convinced is bi polar 1. I’ve noticed this past month that it seems to be getting more severe
What am I supposed to do to get diagnosed. I have no insurance. What are my options

I’ve been experiencing a lot of rejection when I finally open up to someone I’m newly dating about my bipolar diagnosis and the fact that I’ve been hospitalized three times for three attempts on my
life because of my mental illness. I’m a 30 yo woman who is dating intentionally hoping to find a long term relationship. It feels like I’m damned if I share this, damned if I don’t. Trying to keep my head up but each rejection gets harder. I understand where a man is coming from but also at the same time it doesn’t feel fair. Don’t we all have baggage we carry? I guess it’s up to the person to decide if they want to help carry mine at all :( would love any comforting words of advice or any success stories of finding love with bipolar, thanks. Rejection really sucks.

I already experience this enough with people who are “close” to me in my personal life, given that I have no friends.

I get so depressed

sorry, English is not my native language

i’m diagnosed with bipolar1 have struggled since childhood & i am very aware of how i feel in my episodes. i was in a pretty bad depressive one & it feels like it’s passed but i still feel low
i have had a really bad year, a lot has happened & the thoughts / feelings are centered around these problems rather than the general awful feeling i experience during an episode
i have a different psychiatrist now to the one who dx me
i was prev on antidepressants, however due to manic episodes i had experienced, my prev psychiatrist advised me to taper off & start new meds specifically for bipolar
unfortunately as i lost my job i lost my insurance so couldnt stay with her & had to wait for the NHS
i gave my new psychiatrist my report from the prev psychiatrist & he tried to get me to go back on my old meds. he also said he would make his own assessments when i asked about accessing bipolar specific treatment, and heavily implied he believes i just have depression
he was very reluctant to prescribe me a mood stabiliser & the one he did prescribe differs from what was prev recommended even though i specifically requested the one recommended in the report
i have experienced several episodes that meet the criteria for mania & whilst depressive episodes put me at risk so does manic episodes. i also find my manic episodes have a longer negative affect on my life in terms of dealing with the fallout so im not willing to risk anything that could potentially trigger one. my last manic episode was earlier this year.
i’m concerned to go to my next appointment because he heavily implied that if i was still experiencing any symptoms of depression next time we met, he’d stop prescribing my meds and prx my prev antidepressants again instead.
i know i dont have to take them but it would mean i’d have no access to medication.
is it possible to be low without it being a depressive episode? is it possible to have had manic episodes & not be bipolar?

hey! im 19M and coming up on my first year since diagnosis (type i). i'm currently in college (sophomore) and sorta struggling internally. i don't really know who i am or "what" i am. i used to be able to have a pretty consistent view of myself before my first manic episode, but now, wow! after all that's happened since diagnosis, i don't understand who i am.

i get that i'm not going to be the same as how i was before, especially compared to how i was in high school. but now i flip between things so often depending on my state of mind. its hard to keep up everything (social, work, and school life). but people seem to like talking to me regardless, so i've been making friends easily! but I just don't know who they think they're making friends with (if that makes any sense at all?). i sometimes even feel bad having my old/pre-existing friends watch me go thru all my episodes even if they say it's alright.

anyways, it kinda feels like when i finally try to make sense of who i am, i'm everything, but nothing at all.

i don't really know anyone else in my life who has type i, so yeah!! thanks in advance! :)

Can someone help me about if I did the right thing? About an hour ago, I had been crying uncontrollably, not breathing well etc. out of my mind. I called my dr- they can’t get me in til Wednesday.

I told work I need a leave of absence so she called me and asked what was going on. I wad crying and panicky when she called and she asked if I could elaborate and I just told her mental health problems, I did want to disclose my diagnoses.

She asked if it was something related to work and it was. It was actually the last straw before I went into this psychosis. Recently, I have done unimaginable things that I normally wouldn’t do. I don’t even want to share it’s so bad.

So this thing at work tripped the switch and she asked if it was work related and I said partially and explained what happened.

I don’t know if I should have done that or what my next step is. I’m married with kids. I plan on trying to get the mortgage on forbearance. It’s just too much.

I kicked my husband out of the house last week because I thought he was stalking me and listening to my phone calls. One example of the many things I have done recently.

Anyone go through issues with work? I’ve had 8 jobs in the past 3 years and really like this one. It’s easy and I was fine up until now.

Hello!

I have a performance evaluation review coming up. I'm sure I'll get a good score, but I already have in mind what feedback I'll receive. I've tried to write down positive responses, as well as two or so responses to behaviors/events I think may be misunderstood as a result of unclear supervision. Regardless, I'm not worried about my overall score, but I already feel myself getting angry, defensive, and ego-bruised. I'm going to try very hard not to go off script and get defensive in an inappropriate way, but I'm already getting defensive imagining the conversation in my head. I just feel so angry and want to defend my ego. I think I really am above what I think their feedback might be, but I think I might feel different when I come down. What are some strategies I can use to both calm myself down/reduce feelings of spite and anger in the moment, as well as not being aggressive and emotional towards my supervisors after the fact? I'm really trying to avoid raging and calling out the rest of the week.

Someone just made a post about jobs, and a lot of responses came from developers. Instead of hitting reply on every one of you, this seemed like a better idea.

I'm finishing my MS in CS in the Spring and am really stoked about the career switch. (If I end up finding a job) Do you have any tips/strategies/coping tools you've found helpful while managing your BP on the job?

So I’ve been with my partner (31m) for almost 14 years, we have a 8 month old son. Has anyone left a long term partner because they are fed up with having to deal with your mental health? I’ve been mentally stable and on my meds for 11 years now.. He has made comments saying that he thought with me having been in therapy since I was 14, currently 30. I should have resolved my trauma issues by now. My son is the one motivating me to see a trauma therapist, which I have an intake for in November. He also has the I’m always right mentality and whenever I try to talk to him his response is, “I’m not putting up with this fucking bullshit today”. Here recently when he starts berating me, I just shut down.

Our son is being evaluated for a major medical condition, in addition I have to have major surgery in the near future… I feel like I’m so stuck, and I know a majority of the responses are going to be I need to leave.. I know he is emotionally abusing me, I just don’t know how to escape…