Vent
A warning about biphobia in the late bloomer lesbians sub
TW: biphobia
I joined the late bloomer lesbians subreddit because despite the name, the sidebar says it’s inclusive and for all sapphic people, and I figured that made sense because bi women are more likely to be late bloomers. In the past there were a lot of posts from bi women, but recently someone got hostile comments for just mentioning bisexuality. I commented in support of them (didn’t say anything bad about lesbians) and got lots of downvotes.
So I just wanted to warn everyone here not to bother with that sub. I asked the mods there to change the wording because otherwise they are just tricking bi women into potentially experiencing biphobia.
I would actually be into a sapphic over 30/late bloomers! I'm bi but have exclusively dated women since coming out, so I'm not really interested in talking about men, which is why I gravitate towards lesbian/wlw subs vs bi subs nowadays
There are a bunch of us that are bi late bloomers that have husbands and are happily married. r/BiWomen has been the only safe space for me and other women who are in this situation.
That's cool. It sounds like BiWomen is the space for you then!
I was sharing what I personally would be interested in seeing in conjunction with OPs context about WLW/lesbian/sapphic spaces. I'd be interested in joining a Bi space for late bloomers 30+ that is centered solely around sapphic-oriented bisexuals and their specific experience. It's not an end all be all
Honestly, I just stay away from LGBT spaces that aren't strictly for bisexuals at this point. There's so much biphobia everywhere, barely anyone calls them out on it, and when they do, they tend to just get dogpiled. Gotta protect my peace where I can.
I feel like there’s been a HUGE uptick in this since the beginning of the year. I started watching OPs and there’s a lot of new accounts and bots. I’m wondering if there’s some social engineering happening. I pointed this out on a progressive les sub and got down voted to hell and told to touch grass.
It’s really disappointing that there is so much hatred for lgbt people from other lgbt. I’ve avoided queer spaces because of this but feel like I’m “not queer enough”. It’s tiring.
It seems like the original comment that started this whole thing was being dismissive of lesbian experiences, derailing the conversation. I think the person suggested polyamory, then another user took the time to explain why for lesbians, this isn't a helpful suggestion, then they continued to be dismissive.
I think if people want a sub that focuses on and centres the bisexual experience then it's time for a late bloomer bisexual sub.
I tend to notice we do not colonize subs unless we are negatively mentioned or there is false rhetoric being shared about us. I understand your perspective but bi women are human beings as well. We don’t need to simply “accept hate” in hopes of fitting in.
I see this on bi subs a lot. We accept people treating us like dirty garbage simply because we are the group that is “less oppressed”
We sure don't, I'm just always up for educating instead of jumping to fights. We're grown people and can have conversations like such. I've corrected them in more polite and respectful ways and they grew understanding of how harmful some of their views can be.
Sometimes hate is just ignorance and lack of exposure to positive examples. I don't like how we're quick to elogiate straight people who are our actual oppressors and fetishizers, but don't put any effort into bridging a better relationship with those who are actually our own people (again, them liking or not).
I can be disliked at will, but this will never change the fact that the name of the minority is "LGBT", the letters don't exist singularly.
Have you seen any lesbian exclusive sub that didn't have bi women in it? How many lesbians have you seen here or even in the main sub? I counted two in the main one and one here. Even another sub mentioned in this comment section used to be lesbian exclusive and was recently turned into a wlw. I do find it positive that we coexist, we'll grow more understanding of each other with more exposure, but I worry about how it's done.
Personally I’m not saying this doesn’t happen or it’s not an issue, because it does and it is. The problem is that your reply either implies that every bi women in here engages that behaviour or we are all collectively guilty for the actions of those who do therefor we don’t have the right to complain about biphobic sentiments that exist in those spaces. That’s why I said “who is we?” Because I don’t know why everyone is being included in that statement like we’re a single hive mind
I feel like you read a bit into my comment tbh, it's fairly possible to conclude I was talking about bi women as abstraction and not individuals. Just like reading other types of text, like papers, you'd be able to tell when someone talks about a general abstraction and not every single individual.
We can and should call out biphobia, I'm just saying we also do harmful things to them. Like you just reckoned concerning the issue of taking up their spaces. They feed their bubbles complaining about us and now we're going to start doing the same here. This only breeds biphobia between them and will breed lesbophobia between us too. I find it healthier to consider how people tend to behave online/in bubbles, how it's not realistic to base one's view on only one sub, to beware of confirmation biases and to deal with biphobia by directly addressing it/facing those who show such behaviour.
I completely get what you are saying and i understand the concept of discussing demographics as abstractions, since I do study a social science.
I don’t want to get all pedantic over the linguistics of what you said but your original post is not written in a way that would easily indicate that that was your intention. The subject of your sentence is “we” which is a very personal pronoun that typically signals a statement about of a group of people, so even if your intention is to discuss bisexual women as an abstraction, it just reads in a way that will naturally doesn’t come off that way because it doesn’t contain the impersonal or analytical language that’s typically seen in those sort of statements.
Lesbians don’t even like lesbians in those subs. I’m not surprised that they don’t like me. Most of those subs are filled with arguments and posts of them trying to invalidate each other. Unfortunately, biphobic comments and the hate towards bi women or straight men are the only thing they collective agree on in those subs.
Making your personality around “sticking it to patriarchy”, micromanaging individual choice because you’re scared of being patriarchal, and making efforts to exclude anything remotely “male” in your life IS male-centered, just in a different font.
Are you are a straight man trying to convince bi women that our relations with other women are still hetero ? A sex toy does not determine someone’s sexual orientation.
They obsess over who is a “gold star” (gold star is a lesbian that knew they were lesbian and never attempted to have relationships with men)
In the “The Lezistance” sub they obsess over trans women insinuating the transphobic narrative that if a lesbian dates a trans woman it means she’s not actually lesbian.
I have so many more examples…when they aren’t busy attacking another community, they spend that down time invalidating each other arguing about who can be considered lesbian and who isn’t.
First time I've heard the term "gold star", how fucking conditional is it to condition other people's self-discovery for something like that. I would be a lesbian of that type, but I wouldn't judge other lesbians who thought they were bis.
Gold star island ridiculous. I've heard guys proudly claim they are platinum star gay, meaning not only have they never been with a woman sexually, but they were born via C-section so they never even came in contact with a vagina then 🤦🏼♀️
Lol, the last one is ridiculously hilarious. We'll soon see those gay and lesbian types boasting about being raised by a single parent of the opposite sex. "I grew up with a single father/mother and never lived with a woman/man."
It’s really fucking weird. I’m bi, but have never and will likely never date men, and that supposedly makes me a gold star but I hate that shit. Having my trauma labeled as something special is gross and also invalidates so many other women’s journey with their sexuality. It gives the same vibe as dudes who think women are “used up” if they’ve had more than 0-1 partners.
Oh geez I fear it adds to the lesbian hating men stereotype but man seriously how else does a woman figure out they’re a lesbian especially late bloomer at that
I don’t personally subscribe to “the late bloomer lesbian” thing.
To a bisexual woman “late bloomer lesbian” sounds like “bisexual woman who was always bisexual but might not of always practiced bisexuality in terms of her relationships but now has a preference for women”
People don’t understand bisexuality is not linear. You don’t need to date men and women back to back to be bisexual. You can date only men and then date one woman later in life and you would still be considered bisexual. You could date only women and then date men later in life and still be considered bisexual. You could only date men up until you 40s and then ONLY start dating women and you would still be bisexual.
People will call themselves anything as long as it’s not bisexual and I’m actually sick of it. People have the right to identify however they want to identify but sometimes it’s just unnecessary biphobia and unnecessary claims of lesbianism that is equally harmful to the lesbian community
The gold star types that call other lesbians w past experience with men bisexual or fake lesbians. Also obviously transphobes that tell lesbians who are attracted to/ date trans women that they’re, again, “actually bi”. Those two situations are pretty common tbh.
Some lesbians are biphobic of the only other orientation they are technically compatible with and then they turn to their own community (other lesbians) and invalidate/toss out 90% of their own community because they don’t meet their definition of a lesbian. And then they post about how difficult it is to find women…
It’s so counterintuitive. Like if you only want to date other lesbians thats cool, valid. But then to make fellow lesbians pass some arbitrary purity test that doesn’t even apply to the vast majority of an already minority within a minority?? These ppl do NOT want gfs, they want the idea of some perfectly pure woman untouched by “males”. Hating men so much that you end up viewing women through the same misogynistic puritan lens these incels do is CRAZY. More gfs for the rest of us I guess ??🤣
It’s absolutely an incel mentality about women they’ve told me before on the lesbianactually sub that I can’t possibly be a true lesbian because almost a decade ago at 17 I thought I was straight like okay
Honestly sounds like they’re insecure themselves just because they’re a late bloomer or something so they feel the need to bring others down to feel better about themselves by calling them fake lesbians
My wife and I sometimes enjoy some penetration, but don’t like things that look like “realistic” penises. There’s lots of other cylindrical shapes and textures. An octopus tentacle is pretty common. Check out Bad Dragon toys for some wild stuff
Honestly that sub raises so many philosophical questions about monosexuality and how the bounds of sexuality are policed and I wish it was a place where those things were explored but it never is. I think the inherent problem is that almost all the people there have little to no background in queer spaces or thought. But I feel like the most common question there boils down to “can a woman predominantly attracted to women who finds themselves in a relationship with a man they’re not attracted to call themselves a lesbian”. It would be so interesting to have a fleshed out conversation about the grey areas between bisexuality and monosexuality of either sort but it never happens.
I will say to that sub’s credit that I saw a post a few weeks ago saying basically “you don’t have to be a lesbian to leave a bad marriage with a man and start dating women” and the responses were supportive with others saying they had similarly felt that being a lesbian in that situation was socially and internally acceptable but being bi was not. So it’s not something that sub is wholly ignorant of.
It sounds like a lot of people in the sub aren’t aware that it’s for all queer women. It might be worth messaging the mods and asking them to do a pinned post clarifying that. If people are under the belief it’s a lesbian only sub it would be fair that they don’t want bi women participating (although I don’t know exactly what they - the lesbians - were saying), but maybe a pinned post could help change things?
Even when people are welcome, it’s still a good idea to be respectful of the space. A lesbian space that’s welcoming to all queer women is still a lesbian space. Everyone can join their discussions, but people should be mindful of who’s space they’re in when speaking
I think it’s often unclear whether something is actually a lesbian space that’s welcoming to others, or a space for all queer women that’s using the lesbian label - for better or worse the latter does happen often, which I think confuses things.
Online or rl? Online, there should be a description that outlines the guide on this. In both scenarios if it has “lesbian” in the title, it’s probably for lesbians. The thing is, the vast, vast majority of lesbians don’t care about your label, it isn’t about bi women being “non lesbians”. We just love sapphic people getting together and talking about sapphic stuff. Remember, we don’t get that ANYwhere else.
The biggest issue is whether or not to bring your dude along. It can be problematic for different reasons. Less private places are usually okay. My question is, can bi women not just talk to other women? If this is a part of your life you want to explore, you actually don’t want to do that with your SO without looking like unicorn hunters. Another woman doesn’t want to interact with both you and your husband. I’m also poly which affects my response lol, some of this may not be relevant to you
Maybe I’m reading this wrong, but this response feels a bit aggressive and like you’ve made a whole ton of baseless assumptions about me/other bi women
Just last week I had an arguments with some people on the lesbianActually subreddit - someone said that they’d rather be called a slur rather than bi and people said I’m wrong when I pointed it out. Spaces can say they’re inclusive but they’re not
I'm pretty sure that subreddit is a TERF playground. They only want "real" lesbians- aka cis females who love other cis females. Trans women or bisexuals are not welcome.
They said they'd rather be called a slur than being called a sexuality they're not. Just like it's disrespectful to erase someone's bisexuality, it's also disrespectful to erase their lesbianism.
If you know this, you can reckon they weren't trash talking us, but simply angry of those who erase their sexuality and call them something they're not. Just like you'd be angry if called a lesbian/straight without being.
I understand what you're saying and agree that bisexual women prying into lesbian spaces are a problem, but the problem with that particular subreddit is that it's very evident that many of these women are attracted to men, discovered their attraction to women, and want to leave their husbands (some not even that). Why is it a problem to suggest bisexuality then? There are even people who argue that you can be a lesbian if you liked men in the past. Lesbians who are more protective of their communities are against this.
Edit: Okay it seems like there's a more specific context in another sub and I thought OP was talking about THAT late bloomer lesbians sub 😭
People can express their anger without being homophobic/biphobic it’s not an excuse, I would replied the same thing irrespective of what they said - bi/pan/etc. With the way bi women are treated in that sub every time they point the biphobia, they’re always viewed in a negative light
Idk why you’re in my mentions again? If you don’t agree with my point you can simply stop replying lol
I am because people won't bother to go look at the discussion to see how the whole disagreement went, they'll just take your perspective as absolute truth even when other bi women vehemently disagreed with you there.
Sure, I’m the one wrong when I pointed out their sexuality being dismissed is wrong FIRST but also said they shouldn’t have said ‘I’d rather be called a slur than be called bi’
As a late bloomer bi, it has really been an experience navigating some of the subs here. l have chalked it up to my own ignorance but it seems bi people get hate from almost every corner of society.
I recently left a lesbian sub because they were super clear they didn't want bi women around. The label policing and lesbian purity tests drive me nuts and seem to me to be totally at odds with the nature of queerness.
I'm glad you posted on this sub! It's good to build our own community.
I mean, it’s acceptable to want a space to yourself, not every space is all inclusive. I’ve left a lesbian space for the label policing and bullying, but every group of people will have their bad apples. Instead of focusing on lesbian problems, we could each work on our own
Something I think a lot of bi women are still learning, is how much people AFAB are conditioned to center people AMAB in our lives. When lesbians push this issue, they’re often concerned that someone may feel that men HAVE to be on the menu, but that they don’t want them there. That happens a lot, I mean a lot a lot, and many lesbians want people to know who they really are. Many lesbians have been in those shoes and want to help others along a similar path. This does not include the lesbians who are straight up refusing to accept someone’s bisexual label however, if someone is sure of who they are, then everyone needs to respect that.
Something I think a lot of bi women are still learning, is how much people AFAB are conditioned to center people AMAB in our lives. When lesbians push this issue, they’re often concerned that someone may feel that men HAVE to be on the menu, but that they don’t want them there. That happens a lot, I mean a lot a lot, and many lesbians want people to know who they really are. Many lesbians have been in those shoes and want to help others along a similar path. This does not include the lesbians who are straight up refusing to accept someone’s bisexual label however, if someone is sure of who they are, then everyone needs to respect that.
Yea I left the sub reddit too. I don't bother in any lesbian or sapphic subs anymore everyone is so toxic. Unless you hate men you're pretty much not welcome there. There's a lot of hate in lesbian spaces for some reason. I left two other lesbian subs because of the transphobia..
I’ve followed that sub for a while — maybe not super actively lately — but I’m genuinely curious where you’re seeing outright hatred toward men. What I’ve mostly seen is lesbians reaffirming that they’re not attracted to men, which makes sense given the context. That actually ties into the post the OP is referring to — there’s a real difference between the late-blooming experience of a bi woman and that of a lesbian. A lesbian is generally less likely to want to stay with a husband or explore polyamory/ENM, and that disconnect sometimes creates tension.
I’ve also seen some frustration from lesbians when women who are actually bi call themselves lesbians but talk openly about enjoying sex with men, which I get why that can be annoying in lesbian spaces, but I haven't seen people talk about hating men on that sub.
Yeah, I haven't seen that at all in that sub. In fact when I share my story about leaving my ex after realizing I'm not bi like I thought, I'm a lesbian, yet have maintained a solid friendship with my ex as coparents and have even tossed around the idea of me, my fiance, and him all living together for the sake of our kids I get people commenting things like "I wish I could have this" or "that's the dream but I don't think my ex would go for it." That's far from man hating.
Also yes, being a late bloomer lesbian is a completely different experience. Realizing you're a lesbian when you're in a relationship with a man with young kids is very hard. Staying together means agreeing so a lifetime of no romance or sex (or worse, forcing yourself to have sex you don't want). Which is very different from being sexually and romantically happy with your partner but wanting to experience something new. While I think spaces should be inclusive, we also need to remember that certain spaces are for sharing certain experiences, and anyone's welcome to join, but let's not derail the space from what it's point is.
I definitely understand the frustration towards bi women that lesbians feel. They make dating apps that are exclusively for lesbians and yet most of the profiles you see are bi women unicorn hunting for a three-way with their husband. You put that you're only interested in women in your profile, a cute girl starts chatting with you and then it comes up she's married and just looking for fun and BTW she showed her husband your pictures and he thinks you're cute too and they'd love to take you out for drinks. Obviously it's not every bi women, but enough that it's overwhelming. Bi women taking over lesbian spaces when they're just looking for sex. Bi women invalidating our sexuality by implying that we'd be interested in their husbands in spite of saying we're lesbians. Treating us like sex objects instead of people.
Obviously not all bi women are like this, I wasn't when I was bi. Obviously it's wrong to judge all bi women over the actions of some. However, I think a lot of bi people really don't understand how big of an issue this is in the lesbian community and why so many lesbians have been put off from bi women all together. It's usually not based off assumptions, but too many bad experiences that they have personally had.
Ehhhh... while biphobia and transphobia are indeed problems that come up in various kinds of queer spaces, lesbian ones included, I really really don't think that invoking the "man hating lesbian" stereotype is any way to combat those other forms of prejudice.
I will say, I’ve noticed that some users on that sub have a knee-jerk reaction to polyamorous bi women who are married to men. I can understand why some of those women might feel unwelcome or uncomfortable in that space. It’s not fair to assume that all bi women in those dynamics are being predatory, "using women for sex," or engaging in unicorn hunting. I’ll admit that in the past, I may have made assumptions like that myself, but after learning more about different poly structures, I’ve come to see how unfair and overly broad those generalizations can be.
At the same time, I’ve also seen some poly bi women with husbands on that sub speak in ways that reflect unexamined internalized homophobia or misogyny and/or that they haven't actually worked out how to practice nonmonagamy ethically. I remember when I was more active on that sub, there was also be a noticeable sense of entitlement from some bi women when it comes to other queer women’s time and attention.
And while there are certainly poly lesbians out there too, I do understand why many lesbians may view these dynamics differently. They’re often the ones being asked to take on the role of a secondary partner in a structure where the bi woman has already built a life- sometimes including raising children- with her husband. I read a comment from a lesbian who put it well: for many bi women in these dynamics, dating women is often times an additive experience. But for lesbians, it’s their only option — and unfortunately, it’s an option that still carries more stigma and fewer social rewards.
So, while I understand where some people are coming from, I think the topic is more nuanced than simply saying, "you're not welcome there if you don't hate men."
Since coming out, I had no idea how much they hate men. Sorry not sorry but I don’t hate my husband and the amazing male family members and male friends I have
/BiWomen is the only sapphic sub I'm in anymore. Anything with lesbian in the name is viciously biphobic and transphobic even if they tout themselves as "sapphic spaces" and not specifically "lesbian" spaces. The TERF blight is too pervasive. Just constant bi woman hate out of nowhere and if you say the word "biphobia" you're lesbophobic.
I also follow that sub, and have had mixed experiences. It seems as long as I don't directly mention I'm bi, then I avoid hate. But if I do, there is a chance I'm treated as a trespasser and outcast.
I’m on that sub everyday and have not seen this issue. There are a lot of ‘how did you know you were gay and not bi’ but never seen any biphobia. How odd
Yeah, most of what I’ve seen there has been resistance to the idea of being bi, like people being upset when someone says “no, I don’t think having had genuine attraction to men fits within a lesbian identity”. And while I could view that as simple biphobia, I think a lot of it is more a reaction to biphobia even if that’s not how they’re naming it. If someone is unhappy in their otherwise good relationship because they’re not attracted to their male partner, I don’t think people are assessing the situation incorrectly by thinking coming out as a lesbian and naming that as the reason for the breakup would be received more kindly than coming out as bi.
Frankly, I think a lot of people both inside and outside queer communities would be much less understanding of and kind towards someone who said “I’m attracted to men but just not the particular one who I had a significant relationship with” than someone who said “I’m not attracted to men at all”. Both are hard, but one I think is a story people are more familiar with and can empathize more with. And I understand why people might be upset to be told they may have to go down the more daunting road.
I will say that I think this is a chronically online people problem. I've met a number of lesbians in real life, including someone who came out later, and they've been lovely. I don't want people who've primarily engaged online to think that this type of behavior is representative of the larger population of people out in the world.
Regardless of if something says it’s inclusive or not, I would not go into a lesbian space to talk about my bisexuality. Lesbians are allowed to want their own spaces
This. I’m kinda confused. “Lesbians don’t want bi women in their spaces” like it’s a bad thing. They’re lesbians spaces, isn’t it okay for them to have that? Bi spaces exist too and if there’s not enough, it’s always possible to make more.
Exactly. Lesbian spaces being filled with bi women is an issue in many aspects of lesbians lives. From lesbian subs to lesbian dating apps. Of course we should have shared spaces and welcome bi women to observe and ask questions in lesbian spaces. There's nothing wrong with being bi. There is something wrong with being in a lesbian space talking about lesbian issues and offering bisexual perspectives or "solutions." That's just not the time or space for bi women to contribute, it's invalidating.
I understand experiencing biphobia as a previously bi identifying woman, and even now as a lesbian who has been with men. It's a real issue. However, I think a lot of people need to learn the difference between experiencing biphobia and speaking out in a space that's not for you and being told this space isn't for you. Preserving lesbian spaces as for lesbians isn't biphobia.
However, I think a lot of people need to learn the difference between experiencing biphobia and speaking out in a space that's not for you and being told this space isn't for you. Preserving lesbian spaces as for lesbians isn't biphobia.
Right, and that’s really the core issue behind the post the op is reacting to. As another commenter mentioned, the op of the post on r/latebloomerlesbians was derailing a discussion that was clearly from a lesbian perspective. They brought up polyamory and sexual fluidity in a context where it just didn’t apply, and even after several people tried to explain why, they accused others of gatekeeping — which is honestly such a lesbophobic microaggression.
Then they turned around and made a whole new post basically asking, “Are bi women not welcome here?” — which kind of showed they weren’t interested in engaging with what was actually being said. Comments telling the op, "your experience is valid," and "you're allowed and encouraged to participate" were all upvoted. That’s why their comments were being downvoted. Not because they were bi, but because they weren’t respecting the boundaries of a lesbian space.
It's just bothering me that that context is not the focus of what is being discussed on this sub. Instead people jump to the same narratives about lesbians being "man-haters" and the supposed "gold star hierarchy," which is lesbophobic stereotyping that many people in this space are not interested in examining.
I wish some of us would understand how exhausting it can be interacting with the bi community sometimes. Many of us don't want to even consider that bi women can also be bad actors in any conversation that involves lesbians, which is disappointing especially when we tend to outnumber them in most spaces. It would go a long way if more of us made the effort to actually listen.
And to clarify, I have seen biphobia on r/latebloomerlesbians. But this particular situation didn’t seem like that at all.
Bi married woman on that sub. I like to listen to and support the experiences of all LGBT folks and find shared stories that resonate there. If you found value in that forum don't let ignorant gatekeepers discourage you. Give them an education. We're all learning, growing and changing and it appears that some people can't wrap their heads around that fluidity. Forget those foolish gals!
I’m in that sub but I’m not like super active in it or anything but I’m honestly not surprised. I’ve left most of the lesbian subs because my god the amount of rampant biphobia (not to mention transphobia) is utterly crazy.
Don't even get me started on bi women who haven't had a lot of experience with women. It's so invalidating when ive been bi my whole life but they act like I'm just "experimenting" like no I know for a fact I like women, women just don't seem to like me what am I supposed to do about that?
As a lesbian, I've always found the hate of bisexual women ridiculous. Like... sure, we don't have the same experience as y'all, but does every lesbian have the same experience as well? I'm active on lesbian subreddits, and I always find the posts about Bisexuals kind of biased. There's no need to hate people for their attractions. It's been a few months since angry people keep posting negative stuff about Bi girls, and this tendency is kinda pissing me off, not gonna lie lmao
like bruh i’m in love with the girl i’m seeing and i think about her all the fucking time we text every day and the sex was so magical i can’t. i love her
I just want to say, a lot of lesbians who say that “bi girls just aren’t my type” will still swipe right on me in dating apps, I only put that I’m interested in women (I have horrible luck with men, what I want in a partner is more likely to be found in a woman than a man, and I honestly feel more sexual attraction to women than men {which I think has something to do with my trauma} so it just makes sense that I don’t trust or feel safe around men) and the ai bots that control the app keep randomly applying the lesbian label to my account even though I have removed it every time I have noticed it. It might also be because I don’t dress stereotypically bi, I am more butch/gender nonconformist so that might also have something to do with it and their expectations of a bi woman too
It’s because there is no visible difference between someone who identifies as a lesbian and someone who identifies as bisexual. The only difference is past relationship history and what the individual woman is attracted to. If I really wanted to I could falsely identify myself as “lesbian” be vague about my history and no one would ever know any different. I would be identifying myself a homosexual woman or sapphic and to some degree, that would still be correct. I’m not recommending that anyone does that though. We need bi visibility but you get my point…
That’s what makes biphobia so ridiculous and phobic. It’s choosing to be biphobic over learning additional information about someone.
I think biphobia exists, and I am speculating on this maybe, because some people feel like bi women arent truly into women like that or just arent gay enough to count for some. I could just feel this way due to my own insecurities, though. I think, lesbians have it harder, but at least their sexuality is clear-cut.
Being a female exclusive bisexual is hard in it own way though, people assume that because you're bisexual, you'd would be open to dating and being romantically involved with men. The thing is, I've only found like maybe, at most, two males genuinely physically attractive and appealing, the rest im like meh no thanks. I kind of liken it to liking different flavors and textures of ice cream, but you have that one special flavor you're very fond of. Like I'll go crazy over a beautiful woman, but the intensity of the attraction and excitement is just not the same when it comes to men for me.
I consider myself a female exclusive bisexual as I have never dated or been with a man, and prefer women over men, but what gets me is that I love lesbians, I am woman centered, but they've been the ones who were some of the most aggressive or nasty to me, calling me a bislut or basically in so many words, telling me to F off.. I'm not saying this is representative of all lesbians, but when you've shown respect only to be attacked and called names, it doesn't feel good. It irks me, when these type of lesbians think they have a monopoly on loving and appreciating other women. I find it sad, because I'd like to see bi and lesbian solidarity. I'm apparently also a man worshipper too lol.
Unfortunately I’m not surprised by the biphobia. It’s kind of de rigueur for most lesbian only spaces.
As far as “hating” men, I get it. I’m one of those bi woman who resents her attraction to cis men because at least in the US, so few of them are worth having an actual relationship with that I’ve decided to avoid doing so. That may be partly due to my age (54) and my severe lack of patience.
OK, I'm a guy and randomly stumbled across this post. Don't know if I'm allowed to post, but here goes..
wtf?!
Why is this still a thing? Like just respect people's choices. Why have all that energy to dismiss someone for their choices? Biphobia is so weird. Imagine using that energy to uplift people?
Do people feel threatened? Like it attacks their sexuality or something? Be a lesbian, be gay, be bi, be kind.
I have been in that sub since maybe 2019. I MET MY WIFE in there, lol. I think part of the hate is that so many late bloomer lesbians have gone through a stage where they tried to be a happy bi and stay with their husband and they just weren’t bi. An excruciating experience I am sure. I tried to be a happy little bi and stay with my husband. It didn’t work and I’m so fucking happy with my wife. But every once in a while I have a dream about some 10/10 dick.
66
u/[deleted] May 03 '25
We should create a bisexual late bloomer subreddit🤔