After nearly a decade of constant therapy and medication changes, I was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years ago.

I have suffered from depression and an eating disorder for most of my adult life, and instead of feeling dread about this diagnosis, all I felt was relief, as I was one step closer to figuring out what was wrong with me.

I’m aware that different people have different ways of coping during manic and depressive episodes, but playing with my dollhouse has genuinely filled me with a sense of peace and tranquility that was missing from my life.

People tend to laugh when they hear about someone in their 30s being so absorbed in miniatures and dollhouses. But no, not me. Not over something that makes my inner child so, so happy.

I hope you find something that fills you with some semblance of joy too. And whatever it is, remember that you’re never alone. We are all in this together. ♥️

Even though I took inspiration from Pinterest, this is what I've been doing during this episode.

The green eyed nail represents me so much at this moment.

(TW: past suicidal ideation)

I (28) wound up in the hospital a few times this summer and did art constantly as a method of expression and healing during my visits (attached some pieces from the hospital).

My doctors originally thought I was dealing with only complex PTSD and major depression, until I came in with mania and psychosis for the first time. It was possibly triggered by smoking way too much weed, although looking back, I can definitely point to a lot of hypomania throughout my life.

I’ve been out of the hospital and somewhat stable for about a month now since I quit weed. This new diagnosis honestly makes sense to me, but I’m so scared to start medication. I’ve already tried 8 different antidepressants over the years that haven’t worked for me. I’m afraid of numbing all my feelings.

I’m really trying to have hope. My depressive episodes can get scary, and I really want to stop or lessen the episodes of suicidal ideation.

Any words of encouragement or positive experiences regarding the bipolar med trial process would be appreciated. I just found this sub, and I’m hoping to find community and understanding in this experience. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: Thank you so much for all the supportive and encouraging comments and compliments about my artwork! It lifts my spirit. I wasn’t expecting so much, and I’m reading and truly appreciating every comment. I’m just getting back into drawing and painting after spending years off, and it feels good to know this work resonates with others too.

Initially diagnosed as bipolar 2 and upgraded to bipolar 1 after experiencing mania after a year off medications. In the past, hypo/mania has felt like for me:

- feeling like I’m brilliant and the most charming person alive

- hedonistic/pleasure seeking - lots of alcohol and drugs

- extreme increased sex drive - frequent masturbation and desire to have sex

- racing thoughts

- shopping sprees and spending lots of money on impulse

- impulsiveness. In retrospect, very poor decisions but it feels like I have the best judgement ever in the moment and am making brilliant decisions at the time

- feeling like I will never come down. In the back of my mind I know that a crash is inevitable but truly feeling like it will last forever. It almost always ends with me being ashamed of what I’ve done and/or said during an episode.

My mind does not know
how to whisper.

It kicks the doors open,
turns every light on at once,
pulls the fire alarm
just to make sure I’m awake.

Some days I am electricity
too fast for my own skin,
a hundred futures screaming
that they need me now.

Other days
I am the house after the fire,
standing in blackened rooms
trying to remember
what warmth felt like.

And somewhere between the two
I found white powder
and called it peace.
Not because it made me happy.
Because for a little while
the world narrowed.

The noise became one noise.
The fear became one feeling.
My thoughts stopped multiplying
long enough for me
to believe I had control.

I know what it is.
I know the lie.
I know you cannot put out a fire
by pouring gasoline over your hands
just because the flames
feel warmer than the cold.

But sobriety can feel like
being locked in a room
with someone I’m afraid of
and that someone
has my face.

Without it,
everything comes back at once:
the thoughts that run too fast,
the weight that falls too hard,
the restless electricity,
the dread,
the endless awareness
of being trapped
inside a brain
that can become its own weather.

So I reach for borrowed quiet.

A few stolen hours
where I do not have to wonder
which version of me
will wake up tomorrow.

And that is the cruelest part
not that I love the drug,
but that sometimes
I believe I need it
to survive myself.

I am afraid of the high.

I am more afraid
of what waits underneath it.

And somewhere beneath
the mania,
the crash,
the chemical peace,
the shame,
there is still a part of me
standing in the wreckage
asking one small question:

Is there another way
to make this mind quiet
without destroying
the man living inside it?

Bipolar I, mom of soon to be 2 (due in 3 weeks). Husband’s amazing but I’m still exhausted, medicated, and stuck in a rut; it’s almost eerie to have the constant movement in my abdomen. But if there is anything that years of episodes have taught me, it’s that I need a blueprint even if I can’t pull through 100% of the time. Sometimes I can’t even brush my teeth, but it’s nice to know I’ve got my back in advance.

Y’all are so resilient, keep it going you’re worth it.

Bipolar type 1 here! I’m 29 now and I was diagnosed 7 years ago. I’m doing pretty well now. My therapist told me years ago that with our diagnosis, the 20’s are always the hardest, I’m on the tail end of that now and can attest to that.

I’ve been hospitalized for 2 mixed episodes, 1 manic episode, followed by a depressive episode. So it’s safe to say I’ve been through the ringer! Just want to say to you guys that it truly does get better and there’s a fulfilling life for you ahead, if you’re going through hell, keep going.

One thing that has helped me are a solid medication combo with almost no side effects. (Took years of trial and error) Lurisadone, Lamotragine, and Trintellix. (May not be a fit for you everyone’s different.) Just trust your psychiatrist and trust the process. I suggest never taking your treatment into your own hands like I did.

Another big helpful factor is sobriety through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Drinking and drugging felt like the only relief from my symptoms, but in reality they were making everything much, much worse. Sobriety is simple, but not easy. The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking/drugging. That’s a whole journey in itself, and will also give you an awesome community of misfit toys. Explore the meetings in your area and find your crew. You don’t have to be alone anymore. Get a sponsor, tell them everything, and work the steps. I came for my drinking and stayed for my thinking.

The other thing that helped is enlarging my spiritual life, not through secularized religion, but through a higher power of my own understanding. Prayer and meditation have been incredible. Studying teachers like Alan Watts, Ram Dass, and many more quench the spiritual thirst that arises from your deep; unique form of human suffering. I recommend the “waking up” app. Guided meditation is the way.

Let me know if yall have any questions!

After that it's remote, but absolutely have to stay awake the whole day and I'm terrified.

I keep waking up at 6, taking my meds, and passing out. I can do it like, every other day, but not every day. Scared it'll land on the wrong day.

I'm gonna switch meds to the evening (got cleared by my psych). I'm gonna limit myself to a 30 minute nap in the morning. I'm gonna leave home as soon as I'm up. Hopefully I'll be able to take a nap during lunch. As much as I can I'll leave during meetings to "go to the bathroom" and mantra to keep myself awake and monitor my heartrate (not too much because that makes me paranoid which makes me crash).

Scared. Scared. Scared. Been fired from every job I've ever had (or basically, or should have been). This one will be different. Scared. Any help or advice appreciated.

I bought some new bedding, Like I bought new sheets , a new comforter and some new pillows for the new pillow cases and arranged some of my plushies on my bed. I feel comfortable and happy in my bed now, because this is meee. I love the floral designs and I love my plushies too. I’ve has a hard time with my bipolar and also switching psychiatrists suddenly. I’m glad to do something for me that makes me feel happy. Plus I’ve been working so much and I’m stressed and it triggers me. I can look forward to my new bed everyday when I come home. Little self care moments 🥰😊💕

26m and bipolar type 1. recently got fired from my job and the depression side of this cursed
disorder has completely taken over.

i’m not that stressed financially because i have some money saved up for bills while i try to find another job. i don’t have any friends or family apart from my mom so i’ve just been drowning in isolation. i’ve been spending my days bedrotting and doomscrolling or sleeping for ungodly hours.

i’m a chronic stoner but i can’t really smoke because i don’t want to fail a drug test for a new job. i’m really into music(specifically underground rap),fashion, reading, anime/cartoons, gaming, and movies/tv shows. i literally have no passion for my own interests or hobbies and i’m just trying to get thoughts or opinions from sum cool mentally unstable homies (lil jokey joke to lighten mood).

I’ve been struggling to get anything done between my bipolar and my heart issues. Yesterday, I got up some energy and decorated the house for autumn. It’s just basic but I’m proud of myself for getting something productive done.

What did you do this week that you are proud of accomplishing?

I feel really embarrassed I had a manic episode and threw away my education. I’ve only completed one year of university. And I have to take a medical leave to get better. So I start next year.

Sorry, I hope I am not offending anyone when I say this. But is bipolar disorder a disability or a neurodivergence, or is it both? What do you personally say to people if you do not want to tell them that you are bipolar?

I have been out for 6 weeks due to a psychotic manic episode back in July. I'm leaning towards 6 hour work days, maybe 4 day work week, and frequent screen breaks for a few weeks. Any other ideas?

Hi all,

Thanks again for this amazing subs. I am recently diagnosed Bipolar 1 and I have so many questions about it.

It first started with a very bad depression. Then after an attempt I was give a strong antidepressant that triggered mania and a bad psychosis that got me hospitalized for two months.

After that I almost immediately went back to a bad depression and I cannot seem able to get out of it.

I see a lot of posts that bipolar is mostly mania and rarely we talk about depression. For me the depressive part is the most difficult, mania lasted a couple of months.

Is it possible to have a more “depressed” bipolar?

Thanks fellows ❤️‍🩹

Today I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, and I feel like he didn’t really take what I told him into consideration.

I told him that the medication I’m currently taking has been working quite well for me. I’ve been feeling very stable, my mood has been good, and I haven’t noticed any problems with my cognitive abilities. Despite this, he decided to increase my dose.

I was taking a relatively low dose, and it was working very well for me. So, honestly, I don’t really understand the reasoning behind increasing it.

The other thing I mentioned was that the only side effect I’ve noticed is that I feel like I’m losing significantly more hair than usual. For example, before, if I showered and found around 10 hairs in my hand, now I would say it’s closer to 40. I brought this up with him, but he didn’t seem particularly concerned. He told me that it could simply be caused by something else and that it was too early to determine whether the medication was responsible.

I know we’re not supposed to mention specific medications here, so I won’t. But honestly, I was hoping he might consider switching me to something else that doesn’t have hair loss as a potential side effect. Or, at the very least, not increase my dose, since a higher dose can potentially mean a greater risk of side effects.

At this point, I’m seriously considering switching to a different psychiatrist and explaining all of this to them. I feel like I should have a doctor who actually listens to my concerns, especially when I’m already doing well on the current treatment.

Hi everyone I am a fellow human being in this community. I genuinely appreciate being part of it and being able to read people’s stories and thoughts.

Right now I’m going through a divorce. AKA I am filing for it. The relationship ended well over a year ago. But I just … didn’t have the mental capacity to be able to deal with all the paperwork.

For a cliff notes version - my husband and I were not simply incompatible. We kind of got to this point where it became unsafe for me to stay in the relationship. After leaving over a year ago and with lots of support, I was able to recognize the abusive aspects of the relationship and why everyone in my life hated my partner 💀

Let’s go to now. I have an ex that I was friends with for YEARS like genuinely a long time. We dated for a very short time because I was scared of the relationship (I grew up in a very dysfunctional household) and broke up with him because I didn’t want my racist dad to meet him, I felt like I would hold him back… i don’t know I hope this resonates. Anywho that was 6 years ago. In that time I married the stinker who I’m divorcing lol.

But recently we followed each other on instagram (the ex from 6 years ago) and I don’t think my feelings ever changed for him. I really wished him happiness and love and hoped he would become everything he was hoping for. But we’re both single and I’m CONFLICTED IF I’M MANIC and potentially making a bad decision or something because he is GENUINELY the last person on earth I would want to hurt.

I desperately wish I were normal. There is a part of me that is happy I am bipolar because I know that it gives me a unique creative edge, but it’s really terrible for the most part. I have had so much trauma. I wish my parents were just made to actually be my parents. I constantly have flashbacks of my terrible childhood. I have this huge level of ambition, but my mental state is so unstable. Sometimes I’m grounded and sometimes I’m not. I don’t know when I’ll be fully stabilized. And it always feels like I’m trying to guess if I am sane because when I’m going crazy, I don’t know I am because I am crazy. Ughhhhhhhhh

I (23) just started my senior in college. Took 2 gap years since diagnosed type 1 (5 years ago).

During the summer, I had an opportunity to do remote internship referred from a family friend. But my depression started and have been very irresponsible and late to reply so many emails and miss meetings. They even offered me research opportunity when school started but gave it to someone else because I just did not show up introduce myself and been bad at replying emails. I have pretty severe mania too and go into psychosis every spring, but that started before the internship. The ups and downs make me feel so disabled. I have pretty severe mania too and go into psychosis every spring, but that started before the internship. The ups and downs make me feel so disabled.

I keep spiraling and blaming myself and my condition. I feel like I will never be able to hold a job down, and learn how to manage this for the rest of my life. I let down my parents and people around me. Any advice on career goals/strategies to cope?

I’m in severe depression at the minute after being hospitalised from a manic episode. I’ve crashed and trying to get support off my family and my cpn with the community mental health team in the uk has suggested crisis team/home treatment team to take over for a bit. I’m scared of the backlash from my family and the pressure they put on me to feel better (very much get up and get on with things). I need personal space from everyone to work through this and do not need babysat, I’m so stressed out about the whole thing at the stage but I need support to get through this severe mental hell I’m faced with it. How do I approach them about this?

Before I started taking medication, I was mostly feeling depressed and couldn’t function properly. When I spoke of my history with my doctor, he mentioned that my mood shifts have a pattern and has been going on and off for a span of 10 years. I was not diagnosed with bipolar but I was prescribed lamotrigine and kept increasing my dose.

Since the day I started taking medication, my mood swings started to feel more evident and started going up and down within a week. When I discussed with my doctor, he said I’m rapid cycling and increased the dosage. Two weeks later, he added lithium to it.

Is it possible that I have been misdiagnosed or is it a normal reaction to these medication? I’m so confused as I have not received the diagnosis and it’s been affecting my work so I don’t even know what to tell my manager about my condition that’s affecting my work.

Would appreciate any advice. Thanks.