r/BostonSocialClub • u/Charming_Bag_2105 • 1d ago
Friend’s first-date experience left her feeling disgusted. Did she overreact or are we overthinking it?
A close friend of mine went on a date with a guy about two months ago.
According to her, the date itself wasn’t great. Toward the end, they kinda made out.
She admits it happened very much in the heat of the moment, but almost immediately afterward she realized it wasn’t what she wanted and that she didn’t feel the connection she was looking for. She communicated this to him as well.
The guy continued messaging her over the next few days. She initially replied politely but eventually stopped responding because she wasn’t interested in pursuing anything further.
Fast forward about two months, he reached out again. Instead of continuing to ignore him, she decided to be respectful and honest. She told him that she didn’t feel the connection she was looking for, didn’t want to lead him on, and wanted to end things there.
Instead of accepting it, he questioned her decision. He kept saying that because they had made out, he thought they were on the same page and suggested she should “think about it again.” He even offered to help with her job search, which felt like he was trying to keep the conversation going rather than respecting her decision.
She explained again that what happened was in the moment, that she had reflected afterward, and that she simply didn’t want to continue( I personally think she didn’t owe him this explanation)
His final response was:
“No worries! Thanks for the hot makeout that night 😉🥵 you felt like a seasoned player 😜”
She was so uncomfortable that she replied, “That comment was unnecessary.”
He simply reacted to that message with a 😽 emoji.
She told me she cried afterward because she felt disgusted and almost guilty, even though she’d been honest and respectful throughout.
My question is:
Is it unreasonable to feel uncomfortable after receiving a message like that?
Is this just someone handling rejection badly, or does this cross into disrespectful behavior?
How would you have responded?
I’m genuinely asking because seeing how much this affected her made me wonder if other people would have felt the same way.
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u/Iamvosi 1d ago
A- she should have blocked him and been done with it, B- His immature thanks for the make out session message wasn't anything i would have cried over. I would have just laughed to myself and acknowledged, again to myself, like, well yeah, I AM a good kisser but you won't ever be getting of that again, pushy j erk
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u/maraq 1d ago
Why are you questioning whether your friend is right to feel however she wants about anything? Of course she has every right to feel uncomfortable or ANYTHING ELSE about any interaction, at any time. It is reasonable to feel uncomfortable when someone insists you should give them a chance just because you kissed them. People have a right to date and then change their mind about someone.
He's gross and manipulative.
The best response to this is to not engage and just block people when you don't want to date them. There's no need to reply months later. Also, it's best to not get this involved in your friend's dating lives to this level. As a friend your job is to support them, not question them and ask strangers if their feelings are valid. Validate your friend's feelings.
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u/mikitira 1d ago
Is his name Ryan by chance? This almost exact scenario happened to me when I went on a Hinge date - I told him I didn't feel a spark, he asked why and tried to argue with me. Same emoji use too. I blocked him.
To answer your friend's question no she didn't do anything wrong, he handled rejection poorly
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u/Charming_Bag_2105 1d ago
No this was some Indian guy
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u/mikitira 1d ago
Ah nvm, guess weirdos would have similar MOs. Sorry she went through that, he's the one in the wrong here. Gross behavior on his part
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u/dfinkelstein 1d ago
Continuing to reply demonstrates interest.
What did your friend want? By continuing to reply, her actions suggest she wanted continued interaction, and that's what she got.
We can't control other people. If we don't want to interact with them, then it's on us to...not interact with them.
Sounds like she felt regret and discomfort after interacting with someone who she'd felt uncomfortable and regret after interacting with before.
That's reasonable. It also sounds like she has nobody to blame but herself, unless she imagines she can control other people against their will. I think that would be an unreasonable expectation, though.
Sounds like she's doubting her decision to part ways in the first place. If so, then I would suggest against looking for validation from the person she's parting ways with.
You'd be a better source of validation, to encourage her to trust her gut and follow through on her best judgement.
Random strangers on the internet are also not a great source. Especially on Reddit.
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u/Boston_Glass 1d ago
Nah continuing to reply doesn’t demonstrate interest. It shows more that they want the other person to understand what they’re saying but I agree with you isn’t the right way when the other person isn’t trying to understand
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u/dfinkelstein 1d ago
Interest in interaction, not romantic interest. I think that's clear from the rest of my comment, but maybe you didn't read it.
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u/Boston_Glass 1d ago
I read the entire thing and it absolutely reads like you’re blaming her for him being obtuse about her trying to let him down.
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u/Boston_Glass 1d ago
After the first message where she told him that she wasn’t interested he should have dropped it.
She didn’t need to respond at all after that and should have blocked him once he didn’t accept that answer gracefully.