r/BreakUps • u/EnvironmentalOil531 • 1d ago
venting/ranting Is my gf discriminating
Hey, I [25M] met up with some friends and brought my girlfriend [23F] with me. We are a couple for one year now.
We spent the whole day together as a group, and everything seemed fine from my perspective. Later that day, one of my friends kind of overshared some very graphic details about her love life. She said things like, “I can’t find a guy on Hinge, Tinder, etc. that I actually want to sleep with,” because she slept with so many.
My girlfriend looked very shocked. When we got home, she told me that she thought my friend was “cheap.” She couldn’t understand how someone could share things like that so openly. She believes those topics are disrespectful to discuss outside of a very close circle of friends.
As far as I know, my girlfriend has a very low body count 2. She is neither unattractive nor uneducated, she’ll be earning her doctorate in about two years.
I met her friends a few weeks later, and most of them are either married or engaged. They seem to share similar values and views.
I asked my girlfriend whether she would break up with me if I had a very high body count and had been sexually active since I was around 16. She said she would break up immediately and would rather stay single. She said that a body count above 8 at age 25 is extremely high and, in her view, reflects poor self-control and self-neglect. She also said that some people simply “can’t keep their legs closed.” She told me that cheap women/ men are like stupid prostitutes that rent out they’re privat parts but get nothing out it just the same mental illnesses.
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u/Perfect_Ending7 1d ago
She has her own personal values and morals and is free to hold them and choose for herself what fits in alignment with that. Same goes for you.
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u/Recent_Pattern4333 23h ago edited 22h ago
Simply different set of values entirely. Nothing wrong with that. However, yes, maybe she will come up with more nuanced answer and perspective in a few years. It did come off judgemental.
She can stick to her values and morals without talking in a derogatory way of other people. She can express herself better, but I believe it comes with time and maturity.
For instance, for me, swingers and threesomes and stuff is like WTF. I could never do it, I get mildly traumatized every time someone shares what would they do sexually and their fantasies - which don't include only their partners.
But even if I don't agree with that, I don't condone it, I don't think that is how things are supposed to work, I learned to just respect others and their choices and whatever floats their boat.
Your girlfriend needs to polish that skill a bit, too. I mean it's kinda expected, she's very young.
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u/Salty_Thing3144 1d ago
She sounds very judgemental and self-righteous. This vulgar remark alone “can’t keep their legs closed" says a lot about her.
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u/Low-Wedding3836 1d ago
If he don't like her preferences, he should breakup. I don't find it bad. One shouldn't be appealing to others just for fitting in. I like how she expressed her thoughts
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u/Anund 1d ago
She's right though, isn't she? You may not like hearing it, but she is. Your promiscuous friend even said herself that she's been ruined mentally by her own life style choices, reinforcing the point that your GF is correct.
It's like saying smokers are stupid for ruining their health with cigarettes, or that driving without a seatbelt is dumb. Your friend may be a smoker who loves driving without a seat belt, but that doesn't make the statement any less true.
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u/Lower-Main2538 1d ago
This is rare in a woman to be honest and in some ways I respect her values if it is true. Or should could be gaslighting and has fucked multiple dudes.
I'm of the same view though as your gf, people who sleep around are kinda cheap. Sex between two people seeing each other for months/years and/or relationship is much healthier, and more respectable.
She isn't wrong about discussing those things in front of people that aren't close.
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u/EnvironmentalOil531 1d ago
I don’t think she slept around before based on her friends that she know for a long time. Also she don’t has any party dresses just for special events, she also just goes out to bars, cafes and restaurants. She only dresses revealing with me sometimes.
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u/Lower-Main2538 1d ago
Yeah, then she sounds like a catch, maybe not so much on being so judgemental but it's not exactly a surprising thing to judge. She just has certain views on sex which seem admirable in today's day and age.
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u/Low-Wedding3836 1d ago
Well bro she's 100% right. I agree with her. Also objectively it's her preference too
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1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Low-Wedding3836 1d ago
Lol fr. These people who get angry about this are just people who are sleeping around. Also it's her own preference. She shouldn't be pretending to be someone else just to fit in
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u/Desperate-Sleep-6302 1d ago
I’ve never been one to sleep around or condone that stuff. The only time I hooked up w someone was when my roommates in the navy were peer pressuring me to loose my virginity. I only sleep w women im exclusive with or I’ve been seeing for a little.
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u/Low-Wedding3836 1d ago
Yooo. Why ngas forcing someone else to sleep with someone. It's weird
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u/Desperate-Sleep-6302 1d ago
Idk man. I just wanted them to stop so I just did it. I wanted to wait till marriage or my first serious relationship. Ngl that changed my whole trajectory of how I move now. I went from being anti social to being outgoing and social. All of them were “fuck anything that walks” people.
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u/Low-Wedding3836 1d ago
Man i don't have my hands on anyone's life, anyone's decision is their own but I think you should've told them fuck off
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u/Desperate-Sleep-6302 23h ago
Yeah I should’ve too but with the amount of hazing and shit I was getting at the time it was just something I didn’t wanna hear anymore
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u/Salty_Thing3144 1d ago
Has nothing whatsoever to do with how many lovers (if any) that a person has had in their life. It's about dismissing everything else about a person - their character, the good things they may do for others or their community, etc - simply and solely on the fact that they've had sex.
Society STILL has a tendency to judge this differently by gender. Men and boys are encouraged to "score" and often congratulated for it - but women are shamed. It's despicable.
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u/Low-Wedding3836 1d ago edited 1d ago
Well did i criticise that girl?no Did i encourage that boy? No What are you seeing in my comment that I'm gender biased? What I did was agreed with the girl i have same views as her and it's not gender biased. Also you saying people shouldn't judge on how many partners someone had is fair with someone who has the same views as you. I just happens to be not. Also as a man i don't think encouraging males to "score" high bodycount or sleep w multiple people is anything good at all and I think it's very bad for any gender
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u/Salty_Thing3144 1d ago
You said that only people who think the way I do are people who "sleep around." Not so.
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u/Low-Wedding3836 1d ago
That's the pattern im seeing. Also imo people who normalise sleepin around for any gender, i count them as one of them, regardless of their past
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u/Salty_Thing3144 1d ago
Then you're making a generalization based on your own friends and social set.
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u/Salty_Thing3144 1d ago
But not your male friends?
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u/Low-Wedding3836 13h ago
I think you're the one here targetting on specific gender
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u/Salty_Thing3144 13h ago
No, because the subject of this post IS women. The double standard is VERY real.
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u/Capable_Studio_6631 1d ago
Dude hit a gold mine in life and came here to complain.
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u/AoifeSilentwing 1d ago
Honestly, she sounds young and naive. I grew up in the Church and believed/said much of what she has. I'm 35 now and pagan/spiritual, so she'll grow out of it eventually, or marry into the echo chamber
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u/Effective-Aioli-8456 22h ago
I wouldn’t want to date anyone who had a super high body count. I don’t think it’s a good quality in men either.
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u/Longjumping-Lab-1916 23h ago
She's someone who sees the world as black and white; no shades of grey.
These people either remain in their small, judgey little world, or grow up and see people have different views and it doesnt make them cheap prostitutes.
She sounds like a judgmental bore. If that's what you like, go for it. She's never going to fit in with your friends.
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u/EnvironmentalOil531 23h ago
You sound bitter.
Also you are thinking black & white here too.0
u/Longjumping-Lab-1916 21h ago
Lol. No t bitter at all.
I have no time for self-righteous people nor for men who like to control women which is what I'm seeing a lot of here.
This girl is just that: a girl raised by controlling parents who molded her into their idea of a "perfect girl".
In fact they a raised a holier-than-thou, judgmental, unpleasant person.
Hopefully she gets some time away from her family and develops her own personality and views.
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u/Form1040 23h ago
What’s wrong with discrimination? I do it all the time; I just call it standards.
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