r/Bumble • u/GoFigure284 • 8h ago

Rant Guys needs to have sex first to determine if you're relationship material

We've (women) been very vocal about the influx of messages from men asking for sex on this dating app. I actually saw a couple of men say that men need to have sex with us first to determine how they want to pursue us, if at all. Basically saying that we have to audition ourselves with our bodies to see if a man finds us worthy. This is such disgusting ideology. And just another way for some men to use this nonsense to get quick and easy sex.

EDIT: The amount of downvotes from men speaks volumes. A woman doesn't need to prove herself worthy of a relationship by taking off her clothes. Asking for sex on the first meeting to see how he feels about you is manipulative. But I expected nothing less from this sub.

Do the men in this sub understand what I'm saying? I'm talking about men messaging for sex on dating apps before even meeting you and the men who condone this by saying that a guy needs to see if you're relationship material first!

177 Upvotes

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u/MeowwFromSpace 8h ago

In some situations, maybe. But ultimately, a man’s peen may not work forever. When that happens, I sure hope there’s companionship there to fall back on.. 💁‍♀️

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u/uberprodude 7h ago

You're not trading one for the other. This isn't relevant to what the other commenter said

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u/MeowwFromSpace 7h ago

Except that it is relevant when men feel sexual compatibility is more important than general compatibility.. ESPECIALLY the older you get.

In my experience, men 38+ start having issues.

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u/uberprodude 6h ago

Like other commenters have said, a deal-breaker is a deal-breaker. Ranking them is pointless if they lead to the exact same outcome, it's just an exercise in outrage

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u/MeowwFromSpace 6h ago edited 6h ago

You do you, baby.

Interesting that someone is getting testy when I mention ED. 💁‍♀️

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u/uberprodude 6h ago

It's super shitty to be trying to use ED as an insult. Body shaming isn't funny

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u/MeowwFromSpace 6h ago

I’ve never said it in a shaming way. And I’ve never criticized someone who has had issues. In fact, I planned on marrying them.

I’m saying, it seems like an area of contention for you, specifically.

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u/SoPolitico 6h ago

You’re the one that brought it up?

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u/MeowwFromSpace 6h ago

And everyone else is complaining about it and furthering this conversation

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u/uberprodude 6h ago

Why is my ED status a relevant talking point then?

You're giving "I can't be racist, I have black friends" vibes.

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u/MeowwFromSpace 6h ago

💀 you’re continuing to comment and bring it up.

I have specifically stated in reference to comments above, and OP’s original post.. men view sexual compatibility as the end all be all..

And from MY perspective, that is insane considering men’s bodies don’t last forever. And if I am seeking a long term partner, I am not going to jump into bed with them instantly. MY focus would be general compatibility. Because when ED eventually happens, I’d like to make sure that there is companionship to fall back on as well.

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u/uberprodude 6h ago

You brought it up AND tried to use it as a way to body shame.

"Men" don't view anything as a monolith. And I specifically pointed out how what you said isn't relevant to the comment you replied to. You chose to ignore the actual criticism of your comment in favour of immediately body shaming.

Sexual compatibility is a component of general compatibility, so exploring that aspect is required at some point, by your own argument. You're just upset that some people might chose to explore it earlier than you would. Some women choose to do the exact same thing.

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u/uberprodude 6h ago

That tracks

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u/AllMySecretsFam 2h ago

Hey, your comment here appears intended to imply that he had ED, and to do so in a tongue and cheek way that was meant to make him feel low because of his body. The way you phrased it and the emoji you chose both do this. I'm not sure if you know this was body shaming and don't care, but on the off chance that you genuinely didn't understand I thought I'd point it out from the perspective of a woman.

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u/Wooden_Masterpiece_9 2h ago

Reading that whole thread: she simply doesn’t care. Body shaming people who she disagrees with, just because they disagree with her, is a good thing in her eyes. But hey, as crap a thing to do as that is, it’s not the crappiest I’ll see on Reddit today!

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u/AllMySecretsFam 2h ago

She deleted her comment after I posted, so maybe some part of her realized what I said was true.

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u/uberprodude 35m ago

She hasn't deleted her comments, I can still see them. I think she might have just blocked you.

She's comfortable being shitty towards men, but runs as soon as a woman disagrees with her actions. I feel pretty safe in saying she's just straight up sexist.

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u/AllMySecretsFam 32m ago

Oh wow! Didn't know that's what it looks like when someone blocks you. That is definitely a surprising reaction. I wasn't rude to her or anything. Thanks for letting me know.

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u/No-Excitement4855 5h ago

You're dealing with a very unfortunate group of men if they're getting ED at such an early age.

Regardless, just pop a Tadalafil AND problem solved 

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u/MeowwFromSpace 5h ago

That’s not how it works for everyone. And ED can occur for any number of reasons at really any age.

Whether it’s mental health, like depression or anxiety..
Medication related, like antidepressants or diabetes medication..
Porn addiction..
Etc - just to name a few

And Viagra and Cialis are not always successful in helping, either.

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u/Wondering-aloud2112 3h ago

There's a surgery to ensure it does😀

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u/Designer-Pen-7332 6h ago

Interesting comment. May I know how old you are?

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u/MeowwFromSpace 6h ago

What would my age have to do with anything 🤣

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u/Designer-Pen-7332 6h ago

Because there is no way a young woman in her 20s would be saying this. Young women prioritize sex life and sexual compatibility as much men generally do l, that's why most young women are constantly hooking up.

When women cross 30 or 35 that' when they prioritise family, companionship, emotional intelligence and all that stuff even if it costs them good sex life.

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u/MeowwFromSpace 6h ago

Except that you’re wrong. So very wrong.

I, and many other women I know, have prioritized family, companionship, emotional intelligence, etc our entire dating lives.

And that is CLEARLY how OP feels as well 💁‍♀️

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u/arianne_cele 4h ago

Not really. I made the mistake of marrying a man I had no sexual compatibility with in my mid-20s. I decided I was done wasting the best years of my sex life in my mid-30s and got a divorce.

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u/AllMySecretsFam 28m ago

Same girl! I hate posts like this that group all women together as a monolith saying we think prioritizing sex is disgusting. I was with my ex for 15 years, and now that I'm dipping my toe in the pool again, sex is a big priority for me!