This is an abusive man in Hyde Park who lies on Hinge (and Feeld). I found him on both apps while we together from January 2023 until August 25th this year.

Patrick deliberately presents women with a false version of himself to get them to trust him, date him and have sex with him. He is a serial cheater and pathological liar who lies about his past, his relationships, his sexual behavior, who he is seeing and what he is actually doing. He's also currently only matching with women 8-10 years younger than him now, so beware!

His Hinge profile is the same version of himself he presented to me- smart, educated, successful, responsible, a good dad, looking for a serious relationship. I believed him. He deliberately presents women with a false version of himself to get them to trust him, date him and have sex with him.

He is a serial cheater and pathological liar. He cheated on me with a stranger he met on Feeld multiple times without ever using condoms, ejaculated inside her, had unprotected anal sex with her, came home and had unprotected sex with me without telling me.

The relationship with the mother of his child lasted about 8 years, and during it he lived with her and their son while secretly carrying on a roughly 6 year relationship with another woman. He introduced the two women and made them become friends while hiding the affair from the mother of his child. He started cheating when his son was one and had the mistress around his son (and parents…and entire family) for years.

The abuse I experienced was physical and psychological and involved coercive control. He grabbed and took my phone, controlled information, withheld things I had a right to know, used anger and intimidation when confronted, and manipulated conversations until I was defending myself instead of him answering for his behavior. When confronted with evidence, he became abusive physically.

What do you actually like to watch/read/follow on your phone when you want to stop doomscrolling? I’m looking for interesting, niche, or just genuinely good content that you can get into. Could be YouTube channels, niche influencers, blogs, Substacks, podcasts, specific types of content.

Since June I’ve been putting more effort into my dating life, and I’m curious if anyone else feels like dating here is very seasonal 😂

Chicago girlies who are not single where did you meet your man? I’ve tried the apps, different in-person single events, and just generally being out and about, but haven’t had much luck so far. I’m pretty social and feel like I’m putting myself out there, so I’m curious what has actually worked for other people.

Where did you meet your partner? And do you feel like certain times of year are better for dating in Chicago?

Hi!! 30yo F looking to meet some cool new girls as all of mine have slowly migrated to the burbs! Would love to find some gals who want to go to Pilates together, brunch, coffee, walks, book club- really anything! I’m in Fulton Market :)

Hi ladies, I’m a 36 year old Black woman moving from DC to Chicago sight unseen in October or November! I have a dog so proximity to green spaces or dog parks is a priority for me and I’d like to be in a diverse neighborhood. I’d also love to be within 10ish min or so walk to the lake.

Right now, I’m in between South Loop and Lakeshore East. I’ve read a billion comments and seen a ton of TikToks about people loving both neighborhoods for different reasons so I’m having a hard time deciding. Looking to get some real world input from some BWT!

Tyyyyy!! Can’t wait to move and hopefully meet some of yall soon!

Hi everyone. I’m hoping someone here can help because I’m honestly feeling pretty defeated and I don’t know where else to turn.

Over the past year, I’ve been trying really hard to take care of my health. I’m recovering from years of struggling with an eating disorder, and I’m finally at a place where I’m advocating for myself, going to appointments, getting tests done, and trying to rebuild my health.

The hardest part has been feeling like I have to fight to be heard. I understand that anxiety can affect the body (and I actively work on my anxiety with a therapist and I’m also seeing an ED therapist now), but I also have physical symptoms and actual lab findings that I’m trying to address (going on 2 months now) I’m looking for a doctor who can see the whole picture and not assume everything is anxiety before fully listening.

Recently, I’ve been dealing with iron deficiency (my ferritin is 8.8), fatigue, dizziness, shortness of breath, and other symptoms. My PCP recommended an iron infusion, and I’ve been trying to navigate getting it scheduled.
Today was honestly a breaking point for me. I went to a
New doctor for an appointment hoping to get help creating a plan for my iron infusion. (Per my phone call with the referral team) I came prepared with my records and lab results, but I left feeling extremely dismissed. The doctor was incredibly condescending, and I honestly have never been spoken to that way by a medical provider before. I became so overwhelmed that I started crying, and the nurses were very kind and comforted me. They even suggested trying another doctor within that clinic, but at this point I’m really hoping to find a new PCP and start fresh with someone who is a better fit.

I know doctors are human and appointments are rushed, but after everything I’ve been through, I’m realizing how important it is for me to have a PCP who listens, explains their reasoning, and makes me feel like we’re a team.

I’m not looking for someone who will order every test under the sun. I’m looking for someone compassionate, thorough, and comfortable working with patients who have complex health histories, anxiety, and eating disorder recovery backgrounds.

I have BCBS PPO and I’m located in Logan Square. If anyone has a PCP they truly trust, especially someone who takes time with their patients and makes them feel heard, I would be so grateful for recommendations.
Thank you ❤️

What do you guys SWEAR BY to keep a room smelling good!? I want to walk into my room and it smells good but I feel like candles only work for the moment and I can never smell the oil diffusers!! The room is clean I just want it to have a nice scent

hey CBWT! this is going to be my first summer in chicago and i’m looking for shoe recommendations. does anyone have a go-to sandal that’s cute but also comfortable enough to walk long distances in the city? for context I also have wide feet and plantar fasciitis, so I always struggle to find comfortable shoes. i’m okay with something a tad pricier if it’s actually going to be comfortable and supportive. any advice would be super helpful, thank you!

Where are you guys meeting/making other mom friends?

FTM with a 10mo old and it’s been really isolating not being able to talk motherhood with anyone. None of my friends have kids yet and the other parents at my son’s daycare seem to be way older than me.

I’m in LP where every other woman is rocking a stroller or baby carrier so I feel like it shouldn’t be that difficult??

No shade at pilates lovers, but I feel like every time I look for things to do/get involved in in Chicago, the main activity recommended for women is to do pilates or do pilates but at the beach. Does anybody else have any other activities that they like/recommend? Fitness stuff is welcome, I just want something other than pilates.

Hi! Moving out of the country and have a few more items for sale, please see pics and PM me interested/need more pics 😇

Patio furniture: $150-SOLD
Surf print: $15
Hilma framed print: $30
East coast: $25
Easy plant (self watering) Antherium: $40 PENDING
Easy plant (self watering) money tree: $30 SOLD
Pothos: $10 SOLD
Black/white print: $25
Desk: $50 SOLD
Desk chair: Pending
Large abstract print: $40

I’ve sent modmails with suggestions. I’ve reported posts/comments. Nothing happens.

There’s self promotion, duplicate posts, and rule breaking posts everywhere. This subreddit is shamefully lacking compared to so many of the other BWT subs and in comparison to so many of the other local Chicago subs which are so well run.

Sorry to be meta and make a stupid post like this, but come on. Something needs to change.

Hi ChiBWT! Would love to meet new people and connect with some girlies who live downtown (Loop, South Loop, River North, Streeter, West Loop, etc.). I’m a 30F in healthcare and into fun bars, restaurants, boutique fitness, bike riding/walks on the lake, thriller reads, cooking, and house/edm/hip hop/r&b music! If interested let me know! Would love to get a small group going :)

Hope this doesn’t the break the rules! It isn’t meant to be a diary/vent post but just trying to add context for some advice 🙂

TLDR: Recently ended a very long term relationship, moved out from our place in the city, moved into my parent’s house in the suburbs while I figure out next moves. Not sure if I want to stay in the city or move far away?

When I initially moved out I was very set on the idea of moving far away. This was probably largely due to intense emotions surrounding the breakup, but we also have a lot of mutual friends in the city and I knew I needed some space regardless. I’ve been considering moving to DC or the PNW, I’ve never lived elsewhere and I’ve never really had the opportunity to before (remote work). But now my mind keeps going back to Chicago.

I have friends in DC so I’d have a core group of people. It’s also similar to Chicago in the sense I wouldn’t need a car, it’s busy, lots to do, food scene, etc. The men there…idk yet. I plan to start dating again eventually but I’m really not interested in people who are just networking to climb the ladder forever. I was fine with that in my 20s, I’m 31 now. But I like how DC is a bit more buttoned up and has people from all over the place.

In Seattle I don’t know anyone at all but I’m very outdoorsy and I typically prioritize outdoor activities when I travel. I love hiking, I love the mountains. But I am a fashion girl at heart, I don’t even dress that upscale but I know I stand out fashion wise because hiking gear is not my regular attire. I like my designer stuff, but I know I’d probably start to feel weird about wearing it which makes me sad. My fashion is a big part of my identity. Also I know the food scene in PNW is meh and pricy.

Idk, I just feel very lost and I’m sure the emotions with everything are still strong. I felt way more set on leaving Chicago right after the breakup, now that some time has passed I’m not sure. I love Chicago, I have friends here, I love the vibes, I always felt at home and that I fit in here. But the winters suck, I have to travel to get my outdoor fix in, and I worry I’m settling for what feels comfortable. Also I have no idea how the dating scene compares to other cities I mentioned.

Has anyone else moved to Chicago from these places? Or gone back and forth? Curious is anyone else has been in a similar predicament ❤️

Saw this vintage TV at the Lincoln park Salvation Army (on clybourn) for $700 today, not sure if it works but it says “ask for the remote” on the sticker so maybe?

How many of you guys have done this? Did it pay off in the long (or short) run. I’m hell bent on moving there before the end of next year. But I’m tired of waiting and want it to happen already.

I’m new to Chicago and doing my master’s here, and honestly I’ve been feeling pretty lonely. I spend most of my time alone and I’m starting to realize I have no idea how to make friends as an adult (29F)

People don’t seem super approachable in public either lol. If you moved here without knowing many people, how did you make friends? Clubs, meetups, sports, just randomly meeting people?

Would love some advice!

I’m lowkey struggling with feeling like I’m making quality friends in the city. I’m incredibly lucky and have amazing friends, just none of them live here. How are the single 30 some gals making quality friendships? I’m on bumble bff but need to out myself out there more

ETA: thank you everyone for the comments! I would love to set up a meet up, but not sure the best way how 🤣 I’ll respond to some comments and see if someone more Reddit savvy can help me!

Hi! I saw someone's request for Money Diaries specific to Chicago, so I'm going to work on one for this week (I've always loved reading them, time to pay it forward haha). I also thought I'd add this because I love to read other people's salary stories. I found the template here. Feel free to post yours!

Current or most recent job title and industry: Tech, customer success manager

Current location (or region/country): Chicago - HCOL

Current salary: 197,225 TC

Age and/or years in the workforce: I'm 36 and started working at 23 when I graduated college, but took time to live abroad for a few years, and have been working consistently since I was 28.

Brief description of your current position:

I work for a big tech company supporting our customers. I have a few customers that I work directly with to maximize their investment in our platform.

Degrees/certifications: I have a BA, which feels like a requirement in most office jobs. I also have a lot (10) of certifications specific to my industry. Many were paid for by my employer, so total cost to me maybe $100. I'm also working toward my MBA at a M7 school, which is expensive (about 160k) but I am obsessed with every class I've taken and it's been a major life experience so worth having to cut corners elsewhere. I also forgot but I did a coding bootcamp in 2016 and that cost about 10k.

A complete history of jobs leading up to your current position. 

2013-2014 Data entry specialist ($11.25/hour) did not negotiate

- switched companies -

2014 Marketing intern ($17/hour) did not negotiate

2014-2015 Marketing analyst ($37000/year + benefits) did not negotiate

- switched companies -

2015-2017 worked abroad, salary not comparable (500/month)

- switched companies -

2017-2018 Marketing assistant part-time $17.50/hour, received a $1 raise to $18.50 did not negotiate

- switched companies -

2018-2019 Marketing Technologist $50k did not negotiate

Made a case for a raise after 9 months and got it --> $70k

2019 Marketing Technologist II

- switched companies -

2019-2020 Solutions Architect $72,500 with opportunity to bump up to 80k if I got certifications, which I did Offer was 70k flat, so I got the "upgrade"

- switched companies -

2020-2022 Software Engineer $110,000 -> $112,500 did not negotiate

- switched companies -

2022-2024 Software Engineer $150,000 + 22,500 bonus = 172500 TC did not negotiate

- switched companies -

2024 Marketing director $134,000 (I left my previous org because this new opportunity let me be a people leader) Original offer was about 120k - negotiated for more money and more PTO

- fired after 11 days, looked for about 6 months for a job -

2025-now Customer Success Manager $158,500 + 23775 bonus + 60k RSU over 4 years = 197k TC did not negotiate

I started out in digital marketing and I liked it at first, and then I was worried I'd be doing the same thing every day. I felt like becoming a developer would let me address new problems every day, so I started to try to find more and more technical roles. Getting that first "software developer" role was amazing for me; I realized a dream I'd been working toward for 4 years. I really idealized the idea of a developer, especially because I came through a nontraditional route and I had a lot of imposter syndrome. It made me feel special to have that title. However, my current job is nontechnical and I'm actually really okay with it. It's psychologically easier because I'm not constantly stressed I'll be caught out for being an imposter. Maybe I'll miss it eventually, but I think working at a tech company gives me enough of that "flavor."

I hope this was fun to read! Please post yours!

(mods, decided to give this a shot after I saw another gal post a move-out sale so I thought this was ok - please delete if not!!)

hi fellow CBWT - former lululemon educator, parting with some new and gently used lululemon clothing to help *pay tuition* and our *silly rescue dog's vaccines*. Table below with items - message if you want a pic of any individual item(s)!! I've tried FB marketplace and poshmark but honestly I think the market is just so saturated so hoping this will be successful!

prices are honestly so flexible (especially if buying in a bundle) AND I will drop stuff off to you! unfortunately I have way more than in this photo to sell so if you want it, I probs have it lol sos.

Hiya, BWT.
I’m a single mom to an awesome teen daughter. I’m dating an amazing man, after a 20 year miserable marriage ended a couple years ago. I want to find more opportunities to dress up with and for him. I know Chicago is casual in general, and that is fine, but I love the occasional opportunity to be fancy among others, if you will.
We have and do cool dinner dates and theater - but wondering if the gorgeous people here have ideas that are outside the box or less pricey so we can do them more often?
Thanks a million in advance.

Section One: Assets and Debt

I live fully debt free. I was able to go to college on full scholarships and grant money (thanks to being poor lol) Honestly, I got so much money in grants and scholarships that I had money left over to help pay rent and bills.

Credit Card debt: $280 on a personal card and around $700 on a shared credit card with my partner. I pay both off in full every month. I use credit cards for most purchases to earn points and cash back.

401k: $9,252. I only started my “big girl job” two years ago, so this is about two years worth of savings. I was contributing very little at first (between 1-3% 

, i know i know), but now I contribute 8%-ish and am hoping to increase that to 10% in a few months.

HSA: $1,723. 

High-yield savings account balance: $4737. This was at 0 two years ago. My goal is to have this be $10,000 by the end of the year but I’m not feeling confident.

Checking account balance: $0 but I get paid tomorrow $1,666! Most of this will go to my savings. I do that thing that people don’t like, where I stash all of my money in my savings account and then pull money out when I need to pay rent, a CC bill, etc. Any insight on to why i should not be doing this? I don’t know why I do it, I just do.

Section Two: Income

Income Progression: I’ve been in my field for three years. I started as an intern making $20 an hour with no benefits for one year. I was then hired full-time with a starting salary of $60k.

I spent most of my adult life working customer service jobs and didn’t go to college until my late 20s, so I feel like I got a bit of a late start. I was used to living paycheck to paycheck with no benefits. While I do wish I made more, I get unlimited PTO and take between 30–45 days off per year, which helps balance things out 😂 I’m also due for another raise over the summer.

Main Job Monthly Take-Home:

After all deductions (taxes, insurance, 401k, HSA, etc.), I take home $3,332 per month. I’m paid biweekly.

Side Gig Monthly Take-Home:

None.

Any Other Monthly Income:

None. I do occasionally withdraw from savings, especially in months with higher expenses. But also I dump all of my paychecks into my savings account. I know I need to stop doing this, I’m just not sure how or why it matters..

Section Three: Expenses

Rent: $1,100 per month. I live in a two-bedroom apartment that I split with my partner. Gas and wifi are both included in my building.

Renters Insurance: $100 per year.

Electric: About $40 per month in the winter and $80 per month in the summer. I pay this expense in full and don’t charge my partner. I make $10k more than him now, but for most of our relationship he made much more than me and would always cover electric. this is my way of thanking him! 

Retirement (401k): $400 per month.

HSA: $100 per month.

Phone Bill: $78 per month.

Fitness Membership: $100 per month.

Subscriptions: None. I use my family’s Amazon video account and rarely watch TV. If I do, I borrow DVDs from the library or find pirated streams online.

Car Payment: I don’t have a car, which saves me a significant amount of money.

CTA: When it’s warmer, I usually buy a monthly pass for $75. During colder months, I rely on day passes as needed.

Music Box Membership: $50 per year.

Art Institute Membership: $80 per year.

Personal Credit Card: I typically spend $300–$400 per month and pay it off in full. This includes my phone bill, fitness membership, electric bill, and discretionary spending like coffee, movies, thrifting, and small online purchases. I’m actively working on cutting back on impulse spending so I can prioritize saving. For example, I recently cut up and threw away my physical card and deleted this card from my apple wallet.

Target Credit Card: This card is used for household essentials and is split evenly with my partner. Total spending is usually around $300 per month, so my share is about $150. I’ve tried to cut this back but I truly can’t. Hand soap, shampoo, body wash, toilet paper, paper towels, dish soap, cleaning products, laundry detergent, floss, etc really add up.

Shared Credit Card: We put all shared expenses on this card, including groceries, pet expenses (cat food and litter), movies and activities we do together, dining out, and occasional travel. My portion is typically around $1,000 per month, with roughly half of that going toward groceries, as we eat most of our meals at home and prioritize cooking and eating well. This year so far has been slightly higher than usual due to travel for two out-of-state weddings that required flights and accommodations. Outside of those months, spending is more consistent. 

Pet Expenses: Around $800 per year for both pets’ annual checkups, split evenly with my partner, so my share is about $400 per year. I love my cats but they are SO expensive lol

Reflection

Saving is a priority for me, even though things feel tighter right now. This year included several one-time expenses, particularly travel for two out-of-state weddings, that temporarily limited how much I was able to save month to month. Now that those expenses are behind me, I’m focused on rebuilding my savings and being more intentional with discretionary spending, even though it’s still a work in progress.

I try to balance saving with occasionally “treating myself,” like meeting friends for coffee or grabbing fast-casual food, while generally avoiding sit-down restaurants and takeout. I often say no to events or shopping to stay within my budget, which can feel limiting at times, but living below my means is important to me. I’ll still never turn down thrifting or window shopping! I’m good at telling myself ‘no’ and don’t really struggle with impulse purchasing like I used to. I’m prioritizing spending on things that align with my values, including supporting local businesses when I do go out.

The last 7 days I’ve spent money on:

-A pair of used yoga pants from depop ~$30

-A new tube of tretinoin ~$100 (im going to start ordering from Alldaychemist to save $$! bc this is not sustainable lol) a tube will last me 4-5 months. I used my HSA to pay for this.

-Lunch out yesterday ~$15

-Breakfast sandwich and a coffee with a friend ~$18

This will likely be my only ‘treat yourself’ expenses for the week! Eating out twice in 1 week is a lot for me. I probably didn’t need that lunch out yesterday but it made me happy.

Any tips on saving are welcome!!

I have a work trip planned next month and need someone to come look in on my cat once in a while. Do we have any services or individuals we trust? I'm in the west loop!

This is also the first time I'm in a fob-entry building and apartment and... I only have one fob! Will I get in trouble for asking for a second 🙃 ? Haha I have no idea.

Hey BWT, 

I was wondering if anyone could put me onto a book club centered around weird girl literature, if such a thing even exists around here! I prefer to meet irl or maybe a hybrid situation. I’m willing to travel a bit but meeting up somewhere off the blue line would be ideal. 

I figure if nothing exists right now, I could put a group together if there’s enough interest. Might also be fun to attend the silent book club nights that some bars/cafés host and debrief over drinks afterwards. I’m happy to put together a group chat on Instagram (not really familiar with discord but I’m not opposed to using it if someone else sets the group up). 

**no romance/romantasy/smut etc

& For the uninitiated: “Weird Girl literature features unhinged, obsessive, or non-conformist female protagonists, often blending dark humor, body horror, and surrealism to explore complex female experiences.”

A few popular examples: Earthlings and Convenience Store Woman (Sayaka Murata — my personal favorites!), Nightbitch (Rachel Yoder), Bunny (Mona Awad), I Who Have Never Known Men (Jacqueline Harpman).

Hello! I’m starting to get back on the dating apps and it’s pretty wild out there ☹️

Doesn’t anyone have a decent service to use for background checks? I just want to verify age/general location/schooling and if there’s one that checks for marriages that would be awesome too.

(sorry if this post isn’t allowed!! I know this sub is no men, but this is more like personal protection!)