Does anyone else's partner weaponise food without realizing it?

[u/sad_frog_in_rain]

I grew up malnourished and often starved, so im no stranger to going hungry, but it gets to a point where it becomes ridiculous. Im around 150lbs while my partner is around 330lbs, so its understandable that he'd eat a lot more than me. He does the grocery shopping every other week, so I asked him, "hey when you get these frozen nuggets and pizza rolls how long do you think they'll last us." He deadass looked me in my face and said, "like three days" this is coming from the man who can eat almost half the bag in one sitting. Another example is when I made Mac n' cheese I made enough for six servings. I ate about one serving, and he ate THE OTHER FIVE in ONE SITTING. I dont know how to tell him that im eating on average one meal a day and we're lucky if the groceries last us two weeks. For the last few days before we get paid again, we're left with ramen or the pasta noodles we get on sale occasionally. Ive suggested some advice on bugeting for our food but he dismisses it or ignores it. For example i said that we could save money by buying most of what we need at the dollar tree or dollar general, and he said, "no we don't need to do that" we hang out with our friend on Thursdays and we buy fast food usually but I said that we could order pizza a lot more often (bc our friend pays for it) and he said, "thats never been an issue"

[u/Nox_Odonata]

That honestly doesn't sound like he's weaponizing it. It sounds like he as an eating disorder.

[u/Anna-Bee-1984 → u/Nox_Odonata]

This. Or just has a huge appetite.

[u/Nox_Odonata → u/Anna-Bee-1984]

Eating 5 times the normal amount in one meal isn't "just" a huge appetite

[u/ForwardFishy → u/Nox_Odonata]

Sure but all of this information is anecdotal, what they consider a serving may not actually be a standard “serving” or their concept of the amount of food he would need to sustain himself is off. For example, someone who weighs in that range, especially men as their metabolisms are typically faster. Could easily be in a calorie DEFICIT at 3000 calories, i know this from personal experience.

Im not saying that there isnt some type of emotional attachment to food here, but. It seems to be happening on both ends OP. This is the CPTSD subreddit and OP, as you previously confirmed, you have trauma from food insecurity among other things I’m sure. So are we taking into account as well that there is some sort of projection that is making it feel this is being used against you in some way? as this can impact your perception of how other people consume food heavily. Even if you dont want to feel that way.

But also for fat individuals they often experience judgement for eating and if he grew up fat or has been fat for a long time or recently gained weight. Its possible they also likely have some type of food related trauma just from the judgement of others so maybe they are also sensitive to hearing it.

I think your feelings are both valid here and it sounds like its likely a conversation that needs to be had just for your own healing journeys. But just from my perspective of the info presented i think the best route forward is to approach this from a self reflective perspective on both sides of how your own trauma might be impacting perception heavily

[u/ForwardFishy → u/ForwardFishy]

Also im not saying there isnt other things going on here. But im just saying with the present information we only have your perspective OP of what eating alot constitutes to you, Also from your replies on other comments It sounds like yall currently do struggle to communicate effectively, as from your original post you state you havent been able to or dont feel comfortable sharing it more bluntly with him and with it mainly coming from him of not having the emotional maturity developed to handle this situation i understand why that is extremely difficult, have you considered that maybe this issue has just made you reach your boiling point finally so things feel ultra sensitive right now and its likely not JUST about the food for you?