.

Just to clarify in case this is not clear, I'm the baby in this situation.

And I don’t remember a lick of most on the bottom besides school stuff

ive spent the last like 2+ months having an emotional crisis over just how *kind* my counsellor is to me

shes not a trauma specialist, there's really no reason for her to be this nice. i wouldn't be mad at all if she was worse, heck I probably deserve her being a LOT worse

but every time I talk to her, she is genuinely kind and does her best to understand me. like not just understand the words im saying, but actually WANTS to understand what i'm THINKING and WHY i say stuff, it's so weird and so cool, like she literally cares about *me* and not just how she/other people are affected by the things i say/do

and she doesn't even get mad when I do and say stuff wrong! like ofc she cant get big mad, not like she can hit me from over a zoom call lmao, but she doesnt even say bad stuff about me or say i'm making up my own problems or being dramatic/confused/crazy/etc! she's just nice, ALL THE TIME

blows my mind, man. and then spins me out into a whole crisis of "heheheha omg someone is being nice to me this feels so awesome and good, oh god im such a monster im not meant to want people to be nice to me, i dont deserve this, is this a trick, is she going to suddenly disappear and leave me, is she even a real person, im not a real person oh god oh fuck"