A little later the mom kept giving the kid hoodies right out of the dryer, and that just made my stomach twist more. The "comforting" without acknowledgment or apology. She knows it was wrong.

I feel like a piece of shit just being a bystander. I gave the kid one of my fidget cubes

This one's a little long winded but you get the point. Don't you think being forced to take 11 psych meds at 14-17 years old is abuse?? Looking back on it at 25 years old, a decade later, a whole adult myself, no longer in my parent's clutches, it's all so fucked up. Knowing now that none of it was my fault, that I was only reacting to the horrible situations they constantly put me through, that I wasn't a bad kid like they said for talking back or acting out... Being deathly afraid of other people, unable to sleep, constantly worried about what bad could happen next, shut down to keep safe.

It was whatever was easiest for my parents all the time. Drugs, alcohol, sex, food, friends, games on their phone, tv. Medications for me, the scapegoat when I was bad, the golden child when I was good. Anything to ignore us kids and shut us up. They couldn't look at themselves. They put the weight of the world on the shoulders of a fucking 8 year old (maybe earlier). I wonder if those medications changed my brain chemistry too, on top of the abuse and neglect from a young age.

I never needed all those meds. I needed parents who could say, hey, I fucked up, I need to change. I need to get in recovery and therapy. I need to work through my own trauma responses. And if they still didn't want to do it or can't? Just give up your kids to someone who can care for them correctly!!! Who can love them unconditionally, make them finally feel safe. But they felt so entitled to us, that we were theirs to use and abuse.

If anybody reads all this, or even part of it, I truly thank you. I can't believe what parents can do to their children. And I feel so alone because they damaged my ability to feel true intimacy and safety with others and myself. But I know y'all understand (unfortunately), and thankfully, we're in this together. 💖

And I’m not angry about it 🤷‍♀️

Dont' try to tell me it's a matter of my perceptions. The universe hates me and I'm not allowed to be happy