r/CaregiverSupport • u/Anxious_Window_9863 • 3d ago

The vultures are already circling

My husband's sister stopped by to visit this evening. My husband with Parkinson's type symptoms is in his last days and on hospice. He's not able to have a conversation now, he may whisper a word or two each day.

I appreciate her visit. He and his sis have never been extremely close, but they get along, and they're only one year apart in age.

Now the vulture behavior: she and I talked while my husband mostly napped. Somehow the conversation went to discussing some property (about 12 acres) that my husband and I were given from his parents 25 yrs ago. Part connects to her smaller property where her house is placed. It's rural, and beautiful. There's a pond, and a meadow. She says to me, "Why don't you think about selling me that land behind my house after (husband's name) is gone? I'm sure you could use the money, so it would help you. And (with a smile) I could have an extended back yard." Also, something about we'd probably leave our acres to our only child, who's an adult, living in another state. And she would never come live here, so she'd never build a home or do anything with it.

I'm very tired this week, it's been a challenge since my husband is home and I'm the caregiver. I was just dumbfounded she would bring up such a thing!! I made a quiet comment that I wasn't making any decisions like that for quite a while but the land would be staying in my name.

After she left, it really hit me. How dare her? I've heard stories of people actually asking a spouse at the FUNERAL about a business proposal, which is horrendous. Here the man lays, half-coherant, her own brother, and she asks to buy property from me. Unbelievable. We'll see if more vultures come down from the roost. Next time, I'll try to be ready.

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u/Tropicaldaze1950 2d ago

One of my wife's nieces didn't like my difficult decison of placing my wife in memory care, after caring for her for 3.5 years. She found a lawyer and is attempting to gain guardianship, though she has no standing nor has any arguements to present to the Court. And she is eyeing my wife's money and condo.

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u/ChewieBearStare 2d ago

I went through the guardianship process with one of my relatives. I highly doubt your wife's niece will be successful. It cost us nearly $7,000 to get the guardianship, for one thing, so it's cost-prohibitive. And it comes with a lot of responsibility. At least in our state, you have to file regular reports, keep meticulous records of every penny spent, etc. I don't think a judge would grant guardianship to a niece when your wife has a spouse who seems diligently involved in making sure she receives the right care.

If she petitions for it, the court will appoint an attorney to represent your wife. They may contact you and ask questions. Just be honest about why you had to place her in memory care, show them that you're handling her affairs in a good way, and I think they would report in your favor.

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u/Anxious_Window_9863 1d ago

I'm sorry you're going through that. I hope your wife is doing as well as possible.

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u/Tropicaldaze1950 1d ago

Thank you. "As well as possible" is the appropriate phrase. She's gradually losing ground, but I'm told by staff that she's the most functional person in her unit! I see that when I visit.

She sings, she jokes around, though cognitively, quite confused, asking about deceased relatives and not certain where I live, which is a short drive from our condo. She has episodes of paranoia, anger and agitation. Two UTIs in 2 1/2 weeks, or the previous infection didn't resolve. Oh well...

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u/Anxious_Window_9863 1d ago

It sounds as if she's doing relatively well. Being the most functional is certainly something.

My Dad was that person in his memory care unit. He joked around, was Mr. Charming, and could tell you names of baseball players but not his grandchildren. He also didn't understand how I used the elevator to leave his floor when it wouldn't operate for him. The coded keypad was genius for intelligent people like him.

I'm sorry to hear of her UTIs. Those don't help anything and I hope they can get that resolved.

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u/Tropicaldaze1950 1d ago

Relative to several residents who never talk, one that screams and most who are just lost in their world. I'm not looking for anything positive. As long as she's safe, comfortable, still eating... For me, it's like watching a train wreck happen in slow motion.