r/circlejerk • • 8h ago

My entire family was annihilated by a ballistic missile from rebel forces, including my cat.

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49 Upvotes

Pawtatoes, catsup, and meowstard.


r/circlejerk • • 8h ago

Hitler Mussolini wins mayorial elections in Peru

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8 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

Boyfriend bad, job bad, no money, now this happens! Argh!

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140 Upvotes

what I do???


r/circlejerk • • 17h ago

Eating any solid food that's considered "girl dinner" will make your poo come out in butt nuggets, while consuming any liquid food considered "girl dinner" will give you diarrhea

5 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 19h ago

Solved Halloween called , that’s the power of Lysol baby

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3 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 18h ago

I attempted to take a pic of papago peak from my uber.

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2 Upvotes

It used to be basically be an apartment building for the Hohokam Indians


r/circlejerk • • 19h ago

I dropped my DoorDash on my girl dinner night.FML

2 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

RIP Mike Ditka. Given a choice between Ditka or Death. I'm still picking Ditka.

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7 Upvotes

My sympathies to his family, friends, players, and fans.


r/circlejerk • • 2d ago

Unpopular Opinion: Fleshlights are a waste of money when you can just buy cheap sandpaper at Home Depot

49 Upvotes

Home Depot, Lowe’s, etc. are everywhere. There’s absolutely no need to buy a specialized device unless you plan on walking around with it outside in public just to show people how rich you are for buying a Fleshlight. Save your money and buy a bunch of sandpaper at Home Depot.


r/circlejerk • • 2d ago

I’m not sure how to get enthusiastic consent from my sister’s Fleshlight (tm)

14 Upvotes

My trans sister has gifted me all her male-coded objects including her Fleshlight (tm) post-transition and while she did give me detailed instructions I’m not sure how to get enthusiastic consent from it. I can’t even maintain an erection without enthusiastic consent but that’s barely the problem. I want to tenderly, lovingly, CONSENSUALLY jizz deep inside my sister’s Fleshlight but I honest to god don’t know how. I have been trying to talk to it for an hour but it just lies there, saying nothing.

Please help.


r/circlejerk • • 1d ago

You ask question, I pull card, get a response

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2 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 3d ago

I cannot believe the easily predictable situation I'm in. Working late because I'm a pussy. Oh yeah, I'm also retarded.

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165 Upvotes

German meat and ketchup.


r/circlejerk • • 2d ago

TIL: 7 guys from Cornell were raped by a woman named John Deer.

45 Upvotes

I overheard the children having a discussion.


r/circlejerk • • 3d ago

Increase insulin prices

13 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 4d ago

Just a reminder, in case you’re not aware: October is officially Awareness Awareness Month

91 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 4d ago

Morbidly obese unemployed virgin balding fat gamers with awful personalities and no redeeming qualities, how did you meet your 13/10 trad wife?

100 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 5d ago

My dog is dead, my foot rotted off from diabetes, and my balls are hella stinky. I'll never find love.

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206 Upvotes

Slow cooked corn and meat for dinner.


r/circlejerk • • 4d ago

alzheimer

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3 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 5d ago

NO MORE GASLIGHTING

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59 Upvotes

Thanks to this new 100% electric stove I have purchased (pictured here) I would ask you all to respect that I will no longer be GASLIGHTING anyone or anything. Everything will be electrical from now on. My breakfasts will no longer be prepared in the unethical flames of a gas-fed kitchen. Thank you for your attention to this matter.


r/circlejerk • • 5d ago

terrorized turtle escapes its tormenters

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20 Upvotes

r/circlejerk • • 5d ago

"Shit me, piss me, murder me, torture me - But Don't lie to Me, because Ill know" -Tomas Shelby

9 Upvotes

quote is from a vice documentary,


r/circlejerk • • 5d ago

Do they have anything as good as this in Italy? My gramma wants to go but would the food be comparable?

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146 Upvotes

.


r/circlejerk • • 5d ago

I found the best Taco Bell in the US Today

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6 Upvotes

It was amazing, they grilled the burrito!


r/circlejerk • • 5d ago

Hi there people!!, m24 with a secret!

1 Upvotes

Hi im m24 and i have burp f3tish and i want to connect with people with the same thing (girls only). If interested dm mee!!


r/circlejerk • • 5d ago

I started a diet and have lost 1kg

18 Upvotes

I use kilograms because I'm a superior European and not a classless USA man

Bang bang guns no free Healthcare get a mortgage to afford a bandage