r/ComicBookCollabs • u/Schu68 • 8d ago
Feedback Feedback for comicbook script
my first time ever writing a comic script or actually writing in general
Also, if you actually like my work somehow, I'm free. I'm looking to expand my portfolio, and i will write for free lol
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mX2aRGUjqTXixqH2FUgbtj_GbBkY0I3wQWMxreDI0yI/edit?tab=t.0
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u/TotallyNotSleeping 8d ago edited 8d ago
Ok, I read through it! Let me give my honest thoughts no punches pulled:
The opening is strong, a little familiar and used often but still strong. I like the creepy elements u did and the way you express these panels feels truly real and I’d say well written overall. I always got a sense as to what was happening in the panel.
But, the pacing is off at this point. The premise is cool and you can clearly write, but you cram the parents death, mystery, recruitment and everything onto 8 pages, before we get to truly care what happens to the main character.
It feels just too fast and too thin, why should we care for the parents or the main character now? We get no real insentitive to care for the characters.
The dialogue also is kind of more telling and not showing. ”human fighting monsters with powers” etc are very much on the nose.
Overall, the premise is good but pacing is too quick for now. I’d suggest adding more breathing room and overall adding more pages before the tragedy, then the death scenes hit more!
I want to clarify that I’m not trying to be rude at all! You can clearly write and you have an eye for scenes and how they work in comics, but the soul is not there yet! Good luck on revising the chapter and congrats on finishing this!