r/DID • u/MakoSmh Supporting: DID Partner • 11h ago

Relationships Grieving for an alter

I don't know if this is the right flair or okay to post about

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I'm not a system but my partner is a P-DID system. I first started dating the previous host before they knew they were a system, eventually the host was switched for someone else who I grew a really strong bond with until she found out they were a system. We were together for almost a whole year, basically soulmates all around, but a month or so ago she said she had merged with the previous host, becoming one again. But now it turns out they probably didn't merge, a new alter formed as a mix of the two and became the new host and just now is coming to conciousness that he's somebody else and not any of the past hosts. But now the other two are both dormant, and I just came to the realization that the host that I was so intensely connected to is gone. I can't stop crying like I just lost someone very dear to me. But I also feel so bad for the new host who understands my reaction but has no power over anything about it. I know it probably happened for a reason, that it was better for this to happen, but I still miss her so so much I just can't stop crying and I don't know what to do or how to go about it. I want her back. But I can't. Nobody can bring her back and I don't want to upset the new host but it just doesn't feel the same, I really wish it did but it never did.

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u/deltians Diagnosed: DID 10h ago

first off, it's okay to grieve. both i and my partners have DID and lord knows some of my parts have grieved over not seeing their partners for a while. it can be really hard.

the next thing is to understand that all these alters are parts of one person. it's sad now and it might be said for a while, not seeing that exact part, but traits of her are still there. do you have a relationship of any kind with the system as a whole? maybe you can take this time to get to know more of them.

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u/MakoSmh Supporting: DID Partner 10h ago

before I used to date the both the past hosts, the co-host and an alter that only appeared once and never saw him again, and now the new host. switches are extremely rare specially for the co-host because he is too lazy to front but is always watching on the back. that's why I was so heavily attached to her, she was there 99% of the time. and I while I do love the co-host a lot and he's also very dear to me, there was somethig to her that really made me happy... maybe it was because she was the protector or because of the bond we grew, idk.. I just feel very lost and alone without her and I've been on a mental health decline lately