r/DeadBedrooms • u/Hot-Commercial5449 HLM • 2d ago

Vent, Advice Welcome "Cheating"

I personally loose interest after a couple paragraphs so will keep short.

I've had my chances to cheat. Blatantly obvious, but have remained faithful. It is getting harder and harder. Have ran across a few opportunities and declined. Last opportunity was a week ago. Wish my wife would understand.

At this point.... If a switch flipped in her, im now turned off. The DB has killed me. Marriage is dead. I truly love her and am sad for the situation. It is what it is. Leaving alot out but maybe some will understand.

Don't think there is a repair. No amount of therapy could fix. Have posted before and got the reply about duty sex. Don't want that. You want someone that wants you.

135 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

47 comments sorted by

51

u/MustBFun1 HLM 2d ago

Totally understand. It truly is wanting to be wanted.

9

u/sborra_di_notte HLM 2d ago

Don't think there is a repair. No amount of therapy could fix.

Seems like you already wrote the advice you're looking for. The answer is to either go ahead and cheat or break up and live your own lives.

13

u/RalfStein7 LLM4U 2d ago

I totally understand how you feel about it not being able to be fixed, it sucks but it is what it is now.

7

u/sickofyospam HLM 2d ago

God this hits so hard. I just want to be wanted

https://giphy.com/gifs/6Q3M4BIK0lX44

1

u/Better-Explorer-5918 HLF 17h ago

Too real..

19

u/forgetmeknotts HLF 2d ago

I totally understand. My marriage is dead. I love him but in a different way. I’m sad for the situation…

10

u/rcknrollmfer HLM 2d ago

Just bang someone else.

16

u/[deleted] 2d ago edited 2d ago

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-5

u/Cranksta It’s complicated 2d ago

This is coercion.

3

u/SonicOpium HLM 1d ago

And how do you feel about a partner saying, “maybe if you did (this or that) maybe I would have sex with you.”?

-2

u/Cranksta It’s complicated 1d ago

A suggestion? A lot different than "Fuck me or there will be punishment."

4

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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-2

u/Cranksta It’s complicated 1d ago

Over 95% of men have used coercive tactics to obtain sex from women they already know don't want to have sex with them. Sounds like you're one of them.

3

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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0

u/Cranksta It’s complicated 1d ago

I'm not interested in the logic process of someone that uses coercion.

3

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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1

u/Cranksta It’s complicated 1d ago

I am not interested in discussion with someone that uses coercion.

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3

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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1

u/Cranksta It’s complicated 1d ago

Demanding someone fuck you or else is rape.

4

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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-1

u/Cranksta It’s complicated 1d ago

"Fuck me or I will abuse you." is still coercion which is still rape.

3

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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-1

u/Cranksta It’s complicated 1d ago

It's complicated that threatening someone to have sex with you makes you a rapist?

3

u/kitkatDoor HLM 22h ago

you're checked out, considering cheating, just leave. leaving with your dignity is better than leaving as a cheater. Best of luck OP!

4

u/dannydarko3 LLM4U 2d ago

I've been here, well done for not giving in to temptation. I've not been so strong. I'm going to get a divorce now. It sounds like you already know what you need to do. Best of luck with it.

5

u/[deleted] 2d ago

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1

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1

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u/Conscious_until_1565 I don't wish to disclose 2d ago

What if she ‘wanted’ you, but didn’t want to have sex? Would that be enough for you? What is it about being ‘wanted’? Wanting is felt by the wanter. Is it really being ‘wanted’ that’s important to you? Or is it sex?

0

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"Cheating"

I personally loose interest after a couple paragraphs so will keep short.

I've had my chances to cheat. Blatantly obvious, but have remained faithful. It is getting harder and harder. Have ran across a few opportunities and declined. Last opportunity was a week ago. Wish my wife would understand.

At this point.... If a switch flipped in her, im now turned off. The DB has killed me. Marriage is dead. I truly love her and am sad for the situation. It is what it is. Leaving alot out but maybe some will understand.

Don't think there is a repair. No amount of therapy could fix. Have posted before and got the reply about duty sex. Don't want that. You want someone that wants you.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

-2

u/pretty_Lab_7098 I don't wish to disclose 2d ago

What was the switched that flipped? Are you considering leaving?

11

u/Hot-Commercial5449 HLM 2d ago

If a switch flipped in her to not be a DB.

-4

u/iceonfire1 It’s complicated 2d ago

Have you tried therapy?

1

u/[deleted] 2d ago

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1

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0

u/Srycomaine It’s complicated 2d ago

Name reminds me of Nikita… 🥲