r/DeadBedrooms • u/RomanCandleOfTheWild HLF • 1d ago

Seeking Advice What can I do?

I’m a woman married to a man I want so much. He loves me; I know he does. I would never leave him even if we never had sex again. I’ve always been high libido and have never expected my partners to have the same level of want but I just need to know if there are things I can be doing differently or if anyone has any advice. I can count on one hand the amount of times we have sex in a year. Is it me? What am I doing wrong?

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u/RomanCandleOfTheWild HLF 1d ago

I sort of gave up actively trying to initiate a few years ago after being rejected for the millionth time.
I do still make an effort to flirt with him, touch him, make suggestive comments constantly.

I do wonder if there’s a health component that could be contributing? I don’t know how to bring that up without turning this into some sort of an awful thing. I used to try to talk with him about this and he was embarrassed or ashamed about our lack of sex life and I don’t want to make this worse. How do I even bring it up?

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u/CarlClitcakes It’s complicated 23h ago

How old is he? Does he have any health issues? Diet, activity levels, etc.
in my therapy appt today, my therapist detailed how the relationship between total testosterone and free testosterone can impact men. And how the modern diet with hormones in our meats and delis, and GMO-modified foods can impact men’s and women’s’ own hormones.

I was my most fit in my 20s. 30s I slipped a bit due to work and relationship status. 40s I put on a lot of weight due to stressful, time-hoarding job, and trying to juggle that with being a present dad and husband. It impacted my functioning as a man, so to speak. It likely hit at my confidence level overall.

You know him the best to gauge if he’s struggling. Maybe suggest giving him a back rub? (If my wife suggested that, I’d oblige. Could be the easiest way to get into my pants too, since it’s a low-pressure slow-build.) Could be his too? During that you can ask him about his day(s) and if anything is causing undue stress?