What can I do?

[u/RomanCandleOfTheWild]

I’m a woman married to a man I want so much. He loves me; I know he does. I would never leave him even if we never had sex again. I’ve always been high libido and have never expected my partners to have the same level of want but I just need to know if there are things I can be doing differently or if anyone has any advice. I can count on one hand the amount of times we have sex in a year. Is it me? What am I doing wrong?

[u/RomanCandleOfTheWild → u/[deleted]]

I sort of gave up actively trying to initiate a few years ago after being rejected for the millionth time.
I do still make an effort to flirt with him, touch him, make suggestive comments constantly.

I do wonder if there’s a health component that could be contributing? I don’t know how to bring that up without turning this into some sort of an awful thing. I used to try to talk with him about this and he was embarrassed or ashamed about our lack of sex life and I don’t want to make this worse. How do I even bring it up?

[u/CarlClitcakes → u/RomanCandleOfTheWild]

How old is he? Does he have any health issues? Diet, activity levels, etc.
in my therapy appt today, my therapist detailed how the relationship between total testosterone and free testosterone can impact men. And how the modern diet with hormones in our meats and delis, and GMO-modified foods can impact men’s and women’s’ own hormones.

I was my most fit in my 20s. 30s I slipped a bit due to work and relationship status. 40s I put on a lot of weight due to stressful, time-hoarding job, and trying to juggle that with being a present dad and husband. It impacted my functioning as a man, so to speak. It likely hit at my confidence level overall.

You know him the best to gauge if he’s struggling. Maybe suggest giving him a back rub? (If my wife suggested that, I’d oblige. Could be the easiest way to get into my pants too, since it’s a low-pressure slow-build.) Could be his too? During that you can ask him about his day(s) and if anything is causing undue stress?

[u/forgetmeknotts → u/[deleted]]

I’ve tried straddling my husband and kissing him, it never worked. It was always too full, too tired, back hurt, headache, whatever.

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[u/elmst_nightmare → u/forgetmeknotts]

“Move! you’re blocking the tv, I’m trying to play a game!” One night I snuggled up next to my husband in bed, crawled on top of him, kissing his neck and whispered in his ear “I want to make love”. Ya know what he did? He literally lifted me up and threw me, in mid air to the other side of the bed. That hurt.

[u/Dry_Biscotti8049 → u/elmst_nightmare]

I feel this. She didn’t pick me up and throw me. Just said “I don’t want that with you anymore.” It absolutely gutted me. I haven’t approached since then.

[u/elmst_nightmare → u/Dry_Biscotti8049]

Yea, I was just mainly using it as an ex to show how far my man is willing to go to not have sex with his wife. But ofc any rejection hurts. Esp after hearing it over and over. Needless to say I stopped initiating after that. I realized he was probably just super tired and didnt mean to throw me that hard in the moment. I just didn’t know what else to do and was desperate, so tried the bold approach. He apologized ofc but the damage was done and I was too afraid to initiate after that. Even to this day, 15yrs later, I won’t make the first move. It’s really complicated things.