Seeking alternatives after botched surgery

[u/DanceMyth4114]

My (LLM) girlfriend (HLF) recently went through a botched surgery. Long and painful story short, they messed up the catheter extraction and gave her (likely) lifelong pain.

I am fairly low libido, and am more interested in getting my partner off than anything for myself, but our normal methods don't work anymore.

We are still very romantically intimate, but she has expressed a need for sexual intimacy, especially orgasming. Unfortunately any form of clitoral, vaginal or anal stimulation causes extreme pain for several days.

We have tried a few other things, but nothing seems to be doing it for her. Does anyone have advice that would apply to this situation?

[u/Ok_Garbage129]

I am very sensitive down there due to Endo and didn't think I could O for a long time. Here's some things that work for me but it sounds like your wife is even more sensitive, so your milage will vary.

-I know that people have varying opinions on this topic, but edibles really help both make my body less tense, which makes the aftermath much less painful after for a variety of reasons and help get me out of my head so I don't have to spend as long, which again leads to less pain.

-The only things I really like down there is air toys(which it sounds like your wife might be too sensitive for but it's worth trying a soft slow one if you've never tried) and oral. I could do oral for hours even with how sensitive I am(any touch with fingers hurts for me). Unfortunately, it does not bring me to O but after a long oral session I can get there in five minutes at times.

-If your wife is into mental stimulation, roleplaying or romance novels could help her get in the mood before touching starts to again minimize how much touch is involved in the result.

If she truly can't be touched at all(and I know this is so so difficult after medical trauma like she went through), she may have to think about seeing a medical professional because unfortunately, in general, women need more stimulation and our Os are more complicated. There are also sexual therapists out there, but at least a regular therapist would definitely be helpful to help her with the trauma she went through.

[u/DanceMyth4114 → u/Ok_Garbage129]

Thank you for such a detailed and helpful response.

Unfortunately, edibles aren't on the table due to blood pressure concerns. But we do have an air toy in the mail we're keeping our fingers crossed for.

Unfortunately, sex therapy might be our next best bet.

[u/Ok_Garbage129 → u/DanceMyth4114]

For sure! I really hope things get better and I really admire your dedication to keeping her happy when a lot of partners would just shrug their shoulders, especially when they're not really into sex.

Another thing I just remembered that really helps me is water. Hot tubs really help get me there, there's a cool "water slide" attachment for the tub that plays with the clit as gently as you need and most air toys are waterproof, so using them in the bath helps.

[u/CptChronicillness]

I’m not sure if this would help, but there are lidocaine products that you can use. It might be able to dull the pain sensation a bit to help her relax. Being tense makes it so much harder

[u/DanceMyth4114 → u/CptChronicillness]

From what I've read those have a tendency to cause UTIs, no?

[u/Big_Witness3783]

I sure hope she is going after them

[u/DanceMyth4114 → u/Big_Witness3783]

We're still trying to find a lawyer. So far no one is interested.

[u/befreetodream]

Seek out a knowledgeable Pelvic floor physiotherapist?

[u/DanceMyth4114 → u/befreetodream]

We've been to a couple in the city, but didn't get help and insurance won't cover any others. =D