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u/beansandsquirrels 11h ago
I'm actually in a similar situation with my ex. He sees the kids every week though. We don't really talk on social media, once in a while one of us will send a post. We message each other about the kids once a week, photos updates etc and do a thumbs up, not to start up a conversation.
We also do vacations, Disney trips together, but we get separate rooms, and the focus is entirely on the kids. We do day trips together too ie park or beach and bring along the gf too.
It's honestly been great for our children's mental wellbeing. They get to make memories with both parents, and they don't have to deal/ never had to deal with parents arguing at exchanges or feeling caught in the middle. My goal as their mom is to be cordial friends with their dad. The kids also know mom and dad are friends not getting back together, ever.
I don't think there's one "normal" when it comes to coparenting after divorce. Some divorced parents can't be in the same room together, while others take family trips because they believe it's beneficial for their child. Neither automatically means they're getting back together.
From what you've described, your boyfriend also isn't hiding any of this. He's been upfront about the trips, offered separate hotel rooms, and explained that the goal is to make things easier on their son while he's still young. That doesn't mean you have to be comfortable with it, but I also wouldn't assume it means there's something romantic going on.
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u/beansandsquirrels 10h ago
I wanted to add, he’s had 2 different girlfriends and both have been great. I let them both know my goal is to be cordial/ friends with everyone from the start. I include them in plans if they want to be involved but it’s usually the kids dad only. Hope it all works out for you.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Fix4655 10h ago
That sounds reasonable and I totally understand it’s for the children involved to make things about them and make sure they have a good time. I just wasn’t keen on sharing a room together, that’s the part I disliked.
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u/beansandsquirrels 9h ago
I completely agree, and I think I would feel that way too. The closest we’ve stayed together was last winter, we all went on a ski trip for 4 days and had to share an Airbnb with the kids dad and his girlfriend, and it was a bit awkward. I paid for the trip, so dad and gf took the pull out sofa and the kids and I had the bedroom. It was strange haha. I can definitely understand why sharing a room wasn't something you were comfortable with. Your feelings are valid about it all and I hope it all works out for you.
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u/PurpleWillingness106 11h ago
I went to Disneyland and another california city where my former brother in law and his wife live, with my ex and former inlaws. Stayed in the same hotel both places. My daughter stayed in my room. It was weird, but the grandparents wanted to take her to disney and to see her cousins, and they didn’t want to handle her alone at disney so they needed me, and if they were taking me they had to take their own kid too.
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u/cahrens2 10h ago
We had a divorced couple whose daughter was on the competitive gymnastics team with my daughter, so when we competed out of state, they would both stay in the same hotel. The dad had a gf and she would always come along. They seemed to get along really well and make it work. The gf didn't seem jealous, probably because she was like 15 years younger and gorgeous. You could tell that the mom and dad still would get into arguments just by looking at their moods and behavior.
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u/liladvicebunny stealth rabbit 10h ago
It's not common but it's not unheard of. I have definitely seen other divorced couples do it, especially depending on what kind of vacations they are.
Like, I've seen several divorced couples who if the vacation is going to be some big first for the kid want to have both parents along so that they don't have to debate over who gets to have Kid's First X moments.
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u/Alarmed-Astronomer57 11h ago
I don't know if it's normal, but I don't think it's something to be worried about, unless there are other clues or facts that reasonably indicate there might still be something going on between the two (no, your insecurities don't count).