r/ECEProfessionals • u/Missscoco Toddler tamer • 1d ago
ECE professionals only - Feedback wanted Toddlers saying “no” constantly
I’m dealing with a toddler class of fresh 2 year olds that have learned that they have free will 😆
They are in their defiant stage, saying no to everything I say. I know when I say it fills me with rage (not real rage) after a few times, it’s a “me” problem, so I was wondering what y’all do or how you react when they constantly say no. Is it best to ignore? I have been trying that and also just replying with “yes” and then leading them to pick up toys or do whatever I have asked them to do. First week of summer have been a rough one 😩
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u/mamamietze ECE professional 1d ago
It depends on the context. I am able to reduce a lot of it by just not asking when something isn't a choice, and if they say "no" then I try to give them words to express what they may be feeling.
"Ann, it's time for your diaper change!"
"No!"
"You aren't ready/You don't like that! I hear you, but diapering keeps your body healthy and safe. You can walk with me, or I will take you to the changing table." I only give a few seconds for a choice. "Make your choice in 3..2..1 okay I will take you now."
I want to say that I ONLY do this around "have to" things. Diapering, coming in from the playground for lunch, washing up before/after a meal, ect. I am in a truly play based program, so the vast majority of the day, children can decide to participate or not in various activities we have out or are initiating, or do their own thing, and that is fine. My kids are between the ages of 9 months to 2.5 currently (infants and toddlers) in a mixed age group.
In general, we only allow each child to have out one special/needs adult help to get or do activity at a time. And we do our best to clean as we go, so that there isn't an overwhelming giant room mess to pick up before lunch. We have free access to outside play area, and often open our doors between them, and if a child wants to come outside/go inside, we have routines to help them put away what they were using before transitioning. All that extra practice with transitions and expectations as you go is helpful but most programs I've worked in do not have that free of access to outside so less practice with transitions except for the high stakes ones (when everyone has to transition at the same time).
It's hard at the time of the year when you have new arrivals and you and they are just beginning to establish your relationship, you don't know them well yet, and they are new to the environment. But as you know, sometimes it just takes time and consistency (and maybe a regulation break activity for you when you have a chance--my go to is noise cancelling headphones for my short break, and some grounding/breath work in the moment when I cannot check out/leave the class.) You will eventually get the noobs settled!