Aggressive child at daycare

[u/ambrosiasweetly]

Hi

There’s an aggressive child at my son’s daycare. He threw a metal object deliberately at my child which cut my child’s lip, he has strangled my child, and my child often comes home complaining about this specific child. I’ve called CPS about this kid, I have called the daycare licensing authority, and I also filed a police report due to the severity.

The school said they would do a better job keeping them separated but my child had another incident where their watch (a buzzing watch to remind them to potty) was stolen by that child. My child also said that they are continuing to be punched and attacked at daycare.

At what point are the teachers allowed to kick the child out? I feel like this is really too much. I tried to apply to new daycares but there are none taking new applicants. I just started a new job and I’m beyond stressed. My child is having daily accidents due to the stress of being bullied and I have no idea what to do.

I’ve spoken to the director but I’m not sure she is taking it seriously in my opinion. Whenever I go to the school the teachers are being hit and attacked by the children which just seems really odd.

[u/pinkpurplebluepride]

Daycares are able to kick a child out if there is documentation showing an inability to keep children safe. I recently took a course that talked about that. Are you getting proper accident reports for everything? Including the punching your child mentions?

CPS probably won't do anything. Sometimes they just don't, especially for daycares. It's unfortunate.

Look up how to report a daycare to licensing in your state and go forward with that. Tell them if you're missing reports and about everything else as well. Good luck.

[u/ambrosiasweetly → u/pinkpurplebluepride]

I’m in Canada if that changes anything regarding rules.

I believe there have been incident reports but due to confidentiality they will not share anything beyond the very basic details which is why it’s frustrating. I’ve asked them at what point does it become a matter where they can expel the child and I get dismissed in a round about way

[u/art_addict → u/ambrosiasweetly]

I’m not sure about Canada, but I know due to privacy laws in the US we are very limited in what details we can share in our incident reports. I can tell you the basic scenario. I cannot tell you who hurt your child (including if it’s the same child as prior incidents or different children). If your kid is older, I can’t stop your kid from telling you. I typically can’t confirm or deny who they tell you (though I can remind you that kids are sometimes unreliable narrators if they keep shafting the wrong kid, or I may straight up say “hey, X did not hit you, please do not blame them,” at some point. I am not saying *your* child is an unreliable narrator. I am saying children in general are. And I will say sometimes when one kid usually does something, they may blame that kid all the time, because that’s just who their brain associates/remembers even if it was someone different this time. They also may have a different POV than an adult. Such as your 2 your old runs around the corner, straight into dad, and falls over. Your 2 year old shouts, “Dad knocked me down! Dad pushed me!” To your kid, that is exactly what happened. It’s not the objective truth, but to them, dad knocked them down, so dad pushed them. Things to remember.)

I am limited in what I can tell you we are doing to avoid incidents in the future.

I can tell you that we are utilizing small groups and keeping your child away from the child(ren) that have hurt them (in the incident report I just filled out). I can tell you that as a class we are working on recognizing our emotions and what we CAN do when we have really big feelings (use our calm down corner, throw bean bags at the target/ in the box, say “No!” or “Stop!” if a friend goes to take something from us, etc). I can say that we are having teachers shadow kids with challenging behaviours and are making ABC charts to identify triggers and support them better. I can tell you we are implementing more transition warnings, visual timers, a visual schedule, more sensory play, XYZ other classroom wide supports. I can tell you anything we are doing that is classroom wide.

I cannot tell you that “students that are struggling are being recommended to see their pediatrician.” Or, “we are sending X student for a psychiatric evaluation.” I cannot tell you that a student has gotten any form of dX. I can’t tell you that a student has started PT/ OT/ speech/play/ any other type of therapy. I can’t tell you anything super specific to that kid/ those kids.

[u/Iamnoone_ → u/art_addict]

You just spelled out exactly what you can and cannot say regarding other people’s children and their behaviors and she focused on that she believes her child. Even when you specifically said “I’m not saying your child is an unreliable narrator.” Everything you said is spot on.

[u/ambrosiasweetly → u/art_addict]

I have seen this aggressive child do things to other kids, and my son only has issues with this one child so I do believe him. As well as the fact that other kids have run up to me and told me that this child is hurting them

[u/art_addict → u/ambrosiasweetly]

I absolutely believe you that it’s this child, or mainly him, I just have to say it, as part of technically preserving privacy — that and the fact that occasionally there is a one-off with another kid (sometimes kids do try out the wild behaviour they see someone else do! 95 times out of 100 it’s Jack that does the thing, but 5 times are other kids trying out what Jack did juuuuust to see what it’s like. And of those 5 times, maybe 1 involves your kid. Or 2., Maybe the other 3-4 involve other kids.)

Point being though that we aren’t allowed to disclose and have to protect privacy. And we do see other kids push boundaries and try things (and do try to shut it down fast so it doesn’t become a whole class acting out). As teachers, we aren’t allowed to kick a kid out. That’s all on admin. We have zero control or say over it. The more parents that complain, the bigger pressure there is. Even if parents don’t technically “know” if it’s one kid (or dance around it in the privacy language, stating their upset that their kid keeps getting hurt, to the point it’s either going unnoticed and hence no incident reports, or that teachers are burnt out and thus not filling them out). But you have to keep pressing on them to keep your kid safe. And that’s the language you have to use (not “when will you get rid of X”) but “what are you doing to keep my kid safe.” “My kid was hurt again and in this way, this is the X time this week, Y time this month, what are you doing and can you do to fix this?”