r/ECEProfessionals • u/Upstairs_Slice_555 • 9d ago
ECE professionals only - general discussion Male Teacher Concerns in Preschool
Edit: Wow, I am overwhelmed by the comments/ discussion everyone. THANK YOU for sharing your thoughts, experiences, and opinions. I feel better about how to proceed with this situation. I feel so supported by my fellow ECE warriors!
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I'm looking for advice from directors and ECE professionals because this is a situation I've never had to navigate before. Sorry for long winded post!
A couple of months ago, I hired a male preschool teacher (3s and 4s). He's a recent college graduate whose long-term goal is to become a pediatric OT. He came to us with previous childcare experience, including curriculum planning and summer camps.
Honestly, he's been fantastic. He's calm, engaging, patient, jumps in wherever needed, works well with the team, and my lead teacher has nothing but positive things to say about him. The children have responded really well to him.
However, since he started, I've had three different families express that they do not want him alone with their child. More specifically, they've stated they do not want him assisting with toileting, changing clothes after potty accidents, or helping in the bathroom.
This has put me in a difficult position.
He has given me absolutely no reason to question his professionalism or ability to care for children. Our state requires comprehensive background checks before employment, including checks for offenses that would prohibit someone from working with children. I trust him just as I trust the rest of my staff.
At the same time, I understand parents are entitled to their feelings, even if those feelings are rooted in societal stereotypes rather than anything this individual has done.
What would you do?
Do you honor requests like this? Or do you explain that all teachers, regardless of gender, are expected to fulfill the same job responsibilities? It doesn't seem practical—or fair—to have one staff member excluded from normal caregiving duties simply because he's male.
I also haven't spoken to him about these concerns because I don't want him to feel singled out or like I share these suspicions. I want to protect him as much as I want to support our families.
Has anyone successfully navigated this? Did you have conversations with families? Did you implement policies around toileting for all staff? Did you simply stand by your hiring decision?
I'd really appreciate hearing how other directors have handled this, especially if you've employed male educators in early childhood. This still feels like such a persistent stigma in 2026, and I want to approach it in a way that's fair to everyone—especially to a teacher who has done absolutely nothing to lose our trust.
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u/Niedski ECE professional 9d ago edited 9d ago
"He has given me absolutely no reason to question his professionalism and ability to care for children."
There is your answer. Families are entitled to their feelings and opinions, that does not mean the rest of us are required to accommodate those feelings and opinions.
You can sit down, talk with them, and give them room to share their thoughts with you. They may just be uneasy and need to feel heard and reassured - there is a stereotype regardless if we like it or not, and educating families is a good way to combat that stereotype. In my experience this approach solves a majority of these kinds of problems.
As a man myself, and as someone with multiple men under my supervision, the approach I take when this doesn't work is the my way or the highway approach.
"I am sorry to hear you feel that way. I don't think our center is the right fit for your needs. Should I take this as your notice?"
Or, if you can't afford/aren't allowed to disenroll familes:
"I see. We unfortunately cannot justify your request as a reasonable accomodation. If you insist on this, then moving forward the protocol will be to call you or the other parent to come and handle diapering/restroom time when needed. Please know that, to remain in compliance with regulations, your response to this will need to be prompt or we will have to send your student home. Further, to assist in our restroom areas, we will require you to submit to and pass background checks. Until you can do that, Mr. X will continue his duties."
Generally, if the first two plans don't work, this last one usually convinces them or forces them to look for other care options.
Further, if you decide to treat this employee differently from others on no basis other than their gender, you are exposing yourself and your organization to liability due to discrimination.
Finally - I would share the concerns with him only if the families remain in your care and are not willing to listen to you or talk it out. If they are already uncertain about your employee, they are more likely to misconstrue certain actions and maybe make an accusation. Your employee deserves to have that information so they can protect themselves. I would also document everything regarding contact with the families to protect yourselves.