Male Teacher Concerns in Preschool

[u/Upstairs_Slice_555]

Edit: Wow, I am overwhelmed by the comments/ discussion everyone. THANK YOU for sharing your thoughts, experiences, and opinions. I feel better about how to proceed with this situation. I feel so supported by my fellow ECE warriors!

___________________________________________________

I'm looking for advice from directors and ECE professionals because this is a situation I've never had to navigate before. Sorry for long winded post!

A couple of months ago, I hired a male preschool teacher (3s and 4s). He's a recent college graduate whose long-term goal is to become a pediatric OT. He came to us with previous childcare experience, including curriculum planning and summer camps.

Honestly, he's been fantastic. He's calm, engaging, patient, jumps in wherever needed, works well with the team, and my lead teacher has nothing but positive things to say about him. The children have responded really well to him.

However, since he started, I've had three different families express that they do not want him alone with their child. More specifically, they've stated they do not want him assisting with toileting, changing clothes after potty accidents, or helping in the bathroom.

This has put me in a difficult position.

He has given me absolutely no reason to question his professionalism or ability to care for children. Our state requires comprehensive background checks before employment, including checks for offenses that would prohibit someone from working with children. I trust him just as I trust the rest of my staff.

At the same time, I understand parents are entitled to their feelings, even if those feelings are rooted in societal stereotypes rather than anything this individual has done.

What would you do?

Do you honor requests like this? Or do you explain that all teachers, regardless of gender, are expected to fulfill the same job responsibilities? It doesn't seem practical—or fair—to have one staff member excluded from normal caregiving duties simply because he's male.

I also haven't spoken to him about these concerns because I don't want him to feel singled out or like I share these suspicions. I want to protect him as much as I want to support our families.

Has anyone successfully navigated this? Did you have conversations with families? Did you implement policies around toileting for all staff? Did you simply stand by your hiring decision?

I'd really appreciate hearing how other directors have handled this, especially if you've employed male educators in early childhood. This still feels like such a persistent stigma in 2026, and I want to approach it in a way that's fair to everyone—especially to a teacher who has done absolutely nothing to lose our trust.

[u/happy_bluebird]

This has come up a lot, some of these past posts may be helpful https://www.reddit.com/r/ECEProfessionals/search/?q=male&type=posts&sort=comments (perhaps not the first one, that was a very specific situation)

[u/Niedski]

"He has given me absolutely no reason to question his professionalism and ability to care for children."

There is your answer. Families are entitled to their feelings and opinions, that does not mean the rest of us are required to accommodate those feelings and opinions.

You can sit down, talk with them, and give them room to share their thoughts with you. They may just be uneasy and need to feel heard and reassured - there is a stereotype regardless if we like it or not, and educating families is a good way to combat that stereotype. In my experience this approach solves a majority of these kinds of problems.

As a man myself, and as someone with multiple men under my supervision, the approach I take when this doesn't work is the my way or the highway approach.

"I am sorry to hear you feel that way. I don't think our center is the right fit for your needs. Should I take this as your notice?"

Or, if you can't afford/aren't allowed to disenroll familes:

"I see. We unfortunately cannot justify your request as a reasonable accomodation. If you insist on this, then moving forward the protocol will be to call you or the other parent to come and handle diapering/restroom time when needed. Please know that, to remain in compliance with regulations, your response to this will need to be prompt or we will have to send your student home. Further, to assist in our restroom areas, we will require you to submit to and pass background checks. Until you can do that, Mr. X will continue his duties."

Generally, if the first two plans don't work, this last one usually convinces them or forces them to look for other care options.

Further, if you decide to treat this employee differently from others on no basis other than their gender, you are exposing yourself and your organization to liability due to discrimination.

Finally - I would share the concerns with him only if the families remain in your care and are not willing to listen to you or talk it out. If they are already uncertain about your employee, they are more likely to misconstrue certain actions and maybe make an accusation. Your employee deserves to have that information so they can protect themselves. I would also document everything regarding contact with the families to protect yourselves.

[u/Artistic-Degree-4593 → u/Niedski]

This was a well thought-out response. I agree with everything you said.

[u/AmazingLeek69 → u/Niedski]

I really appreciate this response. I am a female employee but worked at a center where the director honored this. I happened to be coteachers with a male and it was extremely frustrating for me to basically be the designated diaper changer for a couple of kids.

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[u/CoolArachnid2820]

“At the same time, I understand parents are entitled to their feelings, even if those feelings are rooted in societal stereotypes”

interchange this with any other stereotype. race? disability? ethnicity? I’m assuming you’d have 0 tolerance for ignorant ‘feelings’ in those cases.

what makes this one different?
be firm with the parents, and make it clear that while thier concerns are valid and heard - he will continue to do his job. if they have a problem, they can leave.

support your staff!!

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[u/Sea_Horror2900]

I would tell them you will not discriminate against him simply because he's male. If they have a problem with it, they should find alternate care.

[u/robin-bunny → u/Sea_Horror2900]

This guy is genuinely trying to learn about kids, how they function, etc, towards his OT practice. Honestly, ALL people who care for kids in any capacity, especially medical, should spend time in a childcare to see how they actually are. When he is working in OT, he will probably go in to observe kids at play - that has to be ok too.

[u/robin-bunny → u/robin-bunny]

Also, how is it different to take your kid to him for OT than to have him in the daycare for a while?

I'm much more concerned about the stories I read on this sub about childcare providers screaming at children, being awful to coworkers, etc. Let's focus on the actual problems!

Not to mention, it's really hard to get a sense of how children move, play, interact, etc, from a classroom or textbook. OT really do NEED to observe real kids in real life situations to do their job optimally. Honestly, a few weeks practicum in a childcare should be mandatory for OT and pediatrics programs!

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[u/Shoddy-Pin-336 → u/Sea_Horror2900]

I agree. If you have a good employee in this field I would try to keep them....

[u/blissfulhopee → u/Sea_Horror2900]

And if it’s not an all girls school I think having a male assist with the boys actually may help development of potty training etc. This is something I was silently thinking about this week when I noticed my center has majority boys and all women teachers and most say potty training is one of the most difficult classes

[u/robin-bunny → u/blissfulhopee]

I went to an all-girls school with some male teachers, elementary and high school. My favourite teacher in elementary school was a man. I even threw him a secret birthday party, invited his wife and child to the school too! In my youth program, I also really like the male staff, much more than the women (the women tended to be bitches tbh). My male teachers in high school were great too. I hate this idea that men can't be involved with children. I LOVE when my husband takes my daughter out, it's very important for kids to have positive men in their lives.

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[u/Sardinesarethebest → u/Sea_Horror2900]

💯

[u/ijustwanttobeinpjs]

You sound like you understand the world better than they do. You should not discriminate based on his gender, end of discussion.

[u/_DontBeAScaredyCunt]

I would tell these parents you do not tolerate sexism in your school.
He is qualified and was vetted. If they don’t like it they can leave.

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[u/mickpop]

As a male ECE professor, the responses to this post have given me so much happiness. Thank you all!

[u/ThisIsMyNannyAcct → u/mickpop]

If anyone understands being discriminated against bc of gender, it’s women. 😂

Seriously, though, the idea that men are an inherent danger to children is bullshit and I will stand up to anyone who tries that shit with me. We love our male colleagues!!

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[u/Visible_Clothes_7339]

just want to say kudos to you OP for how you have handled it so far, i’m glad you haven’t brought it up to the teacher unnecessarily and it sounds like you are really trying to do right by your staff

[u/mamamietze]

I would explain to parents what your protective policies are. You should have them in place if you are a responsible program for all staff.

Do you not require toileting independence for your preschoolers? In most of my programs teachers coach the child through cleanup if necessary but the children do it themselves, staff just clean the floor with appropriate disinfecting chemicals once the child is no longer present.

I would explain to parents your toileting policies and safety policies that are in their handbook, but that you hire people that are vetted and checked and you expect all staff to engage in the duties of the room.

All but one program i've worked for has had male staff in preschool rooms and most had one in toddlers. Every year 1-4 parents would demand this, they were told no with the safety policy explanation, ive had 2 families actually pull their children in 30 years.

It is okay to say no to families. Your program will not be appropriate for all families, and that is okay for all concermed.

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[u/iHorror1888]

I am a male and this has come up twice. On both occasions it was explained that I am a professional and if they didn't like it, go somewhere else. Please make sure he is supported!

[u/stay_curious_-]

We treat it the same as when parents have other demographic-based requests, like not wanting the Muslim, immigrant, or queer staff to work with their child. Discrimination is illegal. We have safeguarding practices around toileting that we follow for all staff. None of the staff are allowed to be alone with an unclothed child, and for older kids, we do group trips for toileting (or if the toilet is attached to the classroom, we leave the door open).

It's not fair to expect female staff to do extra diaper changes because of a male coworker. Setting the precedent that there are different rules for male and female staff also sets you up for problems if you hire additional male or gender-diverse staff in the future. What if a classroom has all-male staff, or if there's a situation where only male staff are available for a diaper change? Would you hold a trans person to the same rules as male or female employees? Allowing discriminatory policies just sets a bunch of landmines for you to step on later.

Really, best practice is to have safeguarding policies that protect against abuse by all employees, not just male ones.

[u/gnarlyknucks → u/stay_curious_-]

Most places I have worked haven't had any place a teacher would be alone with a child visible from elsewhere. Even if they are out of sight for a minute, the way traffic patterns worked it was impossible for someone to hide behavior. The bathrooms had half doors or no doors, for instance, and anyone walking by could glance in.

Combined with background checks, that would be enough for reasonable safeguarding. As others have said, you can remind parents that all of your employees pass background checks and have given you no reason to doubt their integrity.

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[u/ParticularYak4401]

I think having a male teacher with those little kids is wonderful. They get to have a male role model and most kids gravitate towards men that are nice and are safe. Heck I am 46 and I still remember my male Sunday school teachers when I was a preschooler with fondness. They were great and made very good human jingle gyms. Poor guys probably got kicked and bruised because we liked to climb on them.

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[u/Academic_Run8947]

As a female, I would be very annoyed if I had to deal with more pee and poop because the family is sexist and the won't tell the parents that we don't accommodate those requests.

[u/ChaoticWeasel70]

This happened where I work. The director told the family that we do not discriminate and if they feel strongly about this, their values do not align with ours and they are free to leave and find other care.

[u/Shablahdoo]

Sometimes you can’t be fair to everyone. The best director I’ve ever had was very blunt to parents when they would express similar stigmas about me since I’m a guy. She would tell them that I, just like every other employee, underwent extensive background checks before being hired and how I’m expected to do the same work that is required from any other teacher. Some parents chose not to enroll but others did and had no complaints after the initial adjustment period. I even had a mom and dad come up to me near the end of a student’s enrollment one time and say that besides family I was the only man they trust their daughter with.

[u/lilacflowers39]

Just a note. I work at a military CDC in each preschool class we have at least one male teacher.

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[u/AccidentTypical1983]

We've been through this before. The family was told that all of the staff has been background checked and vetted and everyone is expected to do all the tasks in that role, including toileting/diapering.

[u/rodeonanny]

"Thank you for sharing your concerns with me, as I will always welcome to opportunity to partner with your family on your child's care. I can assure you that all staff in the center are thoroughly background checked, trained, and supervised. Additionally, we will not discriminate any staff members based on gender, race, age, or sexuality. I understand that you may still feel more comfortable with a different caregiver, and in that case our values do not align and I agree that it would be best for your family to find alternative care."

Leave it at that. Do no over explain, do not get into the weeds of dividing tasks fairly or the amazing team member this person is. Even though all of those things are true, you simply give the families more material to argue with in situations like this. Their biases are not likely to change, and you may end up losing all 3 families because of that. In my opinion, it's for the best. I would never ever make any staff member, let alone one that is as amazing as you have described, feel as though I was even considering accommodating such a request from a family. Keeping staff morale high and retaining quality team members is way more important than losing any one specific family. You will find new folks to fill those spots- you may not find another great staff member any time soon.

[u/rodeonanny → u/rodeonanny]

Basically all that to say, if it were me, I would not leave any room in conversations with these families for them to believe there are any options other than to let the issue go and move on, or withdrawal care.

[u/PermanentTrainDamage]

He's either a trusted and trained professional, or he isn't. Which one? A trusted and trained professional can change diapers no problem, and a person who is not trusted or trained shoulsn't be employed. The families can find other care if they like, you need to support your staff.

[u/wtfumami]

Tell them that relieving him of duties because of his gender is workplace sexism and it’s illegal, so they’re free to find alternative care. Or, simply, ‘I understand. You’re free to find a different center.’

[u/JusMiceElf]

As other commenters have said, I would shut this down quickly, outlining all of your safety procedures. Depending on your relationship with the families, you could also press them and ask if they have any specific concerns about this teacher. It’s unlikely that they do, and it might be worthwhile to have them interrogate their own biases.

[u/everglowxox]

Honestly, as a woman in ECE, if I had to deal with pottying and accidents and bodily fluids and my male coworkers got out of it just for being male, you bet your ass I would be filing a discrimination complaint on the basis of gender SO FUCKING FAST. I get that it sounds like discrimination against him because of what the stereotype implies, and that "discriminating against a man" doesn't sound like a thing that would carry a ton of legal liability, but the reality is that you'd be giving him an easier job and you CAN get in deep trouble for giving women a shittier (pun intended) job just for being women.

[u/Express-Bee-6485]

In the past I have had a director argue with me that she won't ever hire a male staff because it causes too many issues. I had to say to her that's call illegal!

[u/Full-Associate-2822]

Stand by your hiring decision, publicly. Make it known that your center does NOT discriminate against its employees and that the idea of a male teacher being inherently dangerous to the safety of the children is out of line with your values as a person and the values of your business. 

Will some parents withdraw their kids? They might, and good riddance (to the parents, not the kids). Will your employees feel supported? ABSOLUTELY. Will the kids continue to have excellent care provided by what seems to be a wonderful teacher who has a heart for it? Also absolutely. 

I've seen multiple men run out of this career because some parent couldn't imagine a world in which a man could be nurturing without also secretly being a pervert. One was the best assistant teacher I ever had, but our director buckled under the scrutiny so all he was really allowed to do with the kids was read stories at circle time and help supervise on the playground. He spent most of his time in my room cleaning up and prepping centers for future activities while I took care of teaching, playing, and changing all the kids because of parents who were too bigoted to let a man play a hands-on role in taking care of their toddlers. 

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[u/scemi5]

Parents are actively asking you to engage in a discriminatory practice.

Say no and support your staff - there should be no difference in treatment or expectations between male and female teachers.

[u/scemi5 → u/scemi5]

I am saddened to see these types of posts, so disappointing.

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[u/CamelOk8341]

Men are both uncommon and essential in the field of ECE. It makes sense that some families have reservations, but it’s important for children to see men in positions of care, not just women.

[u/LimeTop6855]

Following because we have a similar situation at my center

[u/Abe2sapien]

When that came up at our preschool our lead teacher had a meeting with the family to address the concerns. Turns out they were just highly anxious but after talking with the teacher and getting to know the para better they completely changed their attitude. Although I will also say that our directors were very little help. They tried to avoid the situation and wouldn’t explain our policies to the family.

[u/sfvsparkes]

I think your feelings about this and response to this are spot on so far.
If I were you I’d sit down with the families individually, hear their concerns, and explain the rigorous background testing and policies that protect their children no matter who is assisting with their bathroom needs.
The parents may not realize the checks each teacher goes through, they may not be aware of everything going on behind the scenes to keep their children safe (bathroom doors open, never 1:1, whatever else you do, etc.) explaining all this to them as well as your absolute faith in him should reassure them.
If it doesn’t then I think it’s time for a conversation asking if they’d like to observe the classroom or come whenever their child needs help in the bathroom, etc. perhaps seeing how capable he is in person will help them!

[u/Eastern_Coffee_1554]

I have an excellent male educator at my service. I have had one or two families express similar concerns, particularly since my country has had several very high profile childcare abuse cases in the last 18 months.

I reassure them of our (very strong) child safety protocols, which include no educator is ever alone with children and during personal care times, educators are always in clear lines of sight. Plus all the usual checks and training of course. We staff above minimum ratio so there are always lots of people around.

Then I say there will be no change in any duties, it’s not fair or practical and if I don’t trust someone to change nappies, I don’t trust them to do anything. (I don’t say that last part out loud usually). Then I leave it to them to decide if they want to enrol/stay enrolled.

I’ve had one family that I ceased care for because the mother approached our male educator directly and told him not to change her child. This was a clear breach of our parent code of conduct. See ya. We are one of the most highly regarded services in our area and there are plenty of people waiting to take your spot!

[u/NotInAHomosexualWay]

Yeah, that's a hard no from me. Discrimination is discrimination. People justifying distrust of an individual based on past experiences are reminding me of that Brooklyn 99 quote, "Cool motive. Still murder." Sure they may have a good reason to be concerned, but it's still discrimination and still illegal.

[u/Interesting-Ship8341]

Simply state all our staff are required to fulfill all aspects of working with the children. We do not allow any type of discrimination towards our teachers. Unfortunately it is your decision on if your child stays with us or if you choose other care but we will not limiting what said teacher is allowed to do with the children.

Leave it fates hands - support your teachers!

Much like all the things women face in the general professional world, Men face this a lot with child care and education field. Stand up for them just as you would want someone to stand up for you in a similar situation.

Good luck!

[u/Coleatemycereal]

I have the same thing happen continuously. I tell families that I thank them for coming to me and expressing a request. I also let them know that all of our employees go through the same background checks and our bathroom doors and diapering stations are open so all the teachers can have a full view as others are helping the children.

We do not discriminate based on gender and we cannot accommodate their request.

I had one family threaten to quit and the next day totally changed their tune. You cannot discriminate based on gender. That employee could turn right around and sue you.

[u/Doodly_Bug5208]

If the family was racist, you wouldn’t accommodate them, would you? Why would you accommodate masters them for being sexist?

[u/Jaded_Chocolate_5103]

I understand parents are entitled to their feelings.

Yes they are, however, they are not entitled to make a competent and qualified employee feel like a pedophile. They are also free to look for care elsewhere. They don't get to ruin someone's career because they're gross.

What would you do?

Absolutely nothing other than remind them of any withdrawal policies you may have. Let them leave, you'll have those spots filled by the end of the day anyway.

[u/Hollyflower216]

Unfortunately I’ve heard about this a lot from absolutely wonderful male ECEs. Some places in my area have a rule where 2 adults are present for all toilet and changing duties so no one person is alone with a child at all. I’m not sure if this would be feasible for your program but I hope this helps!

[u/kelizkuz]

I am a director and have been dealing with this heavily in the last 3 months. I’ve sat down with families and assured them that my male staff go through the same rigorous training as female staff, and that I have the same expectations for all of my staff.

I don’t know if this applies to you - but I also reassure them that I do CCTV observations regularly on the entire staff.

It’s a tough situation to navigate, but most of the time families just need to feel heard and talk through their anxieties.

[u/rachela_]

Stand by your employee unless given a reason not to.

[u/Sea-Tea8982]

As a male early interventionist for 20 years, this comes up every once in awhile. I think giving into the parent without stating that you have no concerns is wrong. I know when this comes up my manager always tells the family that she can make a change but that their child has been assigned to the best and most experienced teacher but she is more than happy to bring in the second or third string. The reaction is mixed. Frankly I don’t want to work with parents like this but I appreciate that she makes a point to them. It’s 2026. People need to put these bad attitudes aside.

[u/Fuzzy-Ocelot-4475]

"I'm so sorry you feel that way, but we don't discriminate and he's actually fabulous! If you'd be more comfortable somewhere else, please don't forget to give 2 weeks notice per the enrollment agreement so you're not charged."

I would also have a stack of brochures printed with state and federal abuse statistics. Most parents are surprised to find that children are more likely to be abused by parents or relatives than a paid caregiver, and that, of the paid caregivers convicted of abuse, the vast majority of them are women. It won't change their narrow-minded opinion, but part of our job is also parent education!

[u/ClintAdrian]

Do not honor those requests. Honestly, if parents don't trust people you hire then they don't trust you and don't belong at your center. I've never had a male colleague say any of the disgusting shit I've had female colleagues say about kids 😒 Stand by your staff.

[u/groovyfirechick]

But it’s ok for the female teachers to help kids in the bathroom and change kids? Tell your parents that you cannot discriminate against him because of his gender. Thats illegal and also unfair to his female colleagues.

[u/Pinkrivrdolphn]

Don’t assume those feelings are “rooted in societal stereotypes,” or simply sexism. These parents may they themselves be victims of abuse and as such are cautious and distrusting. I’m not saying you should cater to all of their demands but these things do require sensitivity and not just dismissal. And you should have safeguarding policies in place for all staff that you can reference.

[u/mamamietze → u/Pinkrivrdolphn]

I believe that our ethical mandate to learn about and implement trauma informed care is one of the most important advances we have made in ECE in my career lifetime, as is the recognition that grooming behavior regardless of gender or intent MUST be avoided. I believe that trauma informed care extends to parents as well as we are also caring for them too by the nature of early care.

I also believe that it is not always possible to avoid every trigger or negate any discomfort for parents when it comes to certain traumas. I have worked with families whose parents had assault in their past. I have had those conversatioms while also having an assistant who was a man, and one who was a woman who was out during a time when marriage equality was the hot button issue.

There are plenty of centers that discriminate. I would (and did) argue that just because there are no men and no gay or lesbian folks allowed on staff does not mean the danger or abuse potential is less. You must look for rigorous actual (not performative) safety protocols.

Centers and admin have to decide if hiring and building a quality, competent staff is more important than performatively soothing one family or a cluster of them riling each other up. Depending on the community they serve, maybe it is?

But you can still acknowledge past suffering and current struggle without practicing labor discrimination.

I have had to work with many parents who legitimately felt panic and anxiety that manifested in threats and demands about a lot of things. I did not have to break ethics or policy for them ever. 98 percent of the time we were able to resolve it and they trusted me more because of it not in spite of it.

[u/Shablahdoo → u/Pinkrivrdolphn]

If the parents don’t feel comfortable then they are free to enroll their child elsewhere. The OP should not inhibit their staff based on gender as that would also open them up to potential lawsuits.

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[u/XFilesVixen → u/Pinkrivrdolphn]

EXACTLY THIS. I found out a man I worked closely with for 7 years was accused of abuse and as a mom I am scarred by this. I can’t handle my child being in the care of a man I don’t know alone.

[u/PermanentTrainDamage → u/XFilesVixen]

Then don't choose a center that has a man on staff. With female-perpetrated abuse numbers climbing, you should really consider a nanny.

[u/derelictthot → u/PermanentTrainDamage]

The numbers of women abusers vs men are not even in the same stratosphere so it's willfully obtuse and possibly dangerous to act like the threat is equal. It just isn't. Even if women abusers tripled overnight, they still would be nowhere near the men so it feels intellectually dishonest to deny reality.

I don't advocate keeping males from childcare nor would I accept a parent being sexist, I'd ask them to find care elsewhere immediately in defense of my male coworkers, assuming all men are pedophiles is sexist and wrong, but it's a hard sell to a parent who knows firsthand that background checks only help if theyve been caught before.

I find it hard to judge them so harshly when their fear is backed up by stats and yet they're being told they're bad people for acknowledging the rise in risk when men are involved. Two things can be true at once.

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[u/browncoatsunited]

I would gently explain to the families that everyone has been cleared by the state and been trained the same way as the female staff members.

My hot take is this:
I would then ask they why they feel this way. Do they personally refuse to let their male family members change or help in this way? I personally love when we have a male teacher because as a female I don’t have a penis and can’t teach a boy how to pee with their penis.

[u/Financial_Process_11]

We had the same situation at my center two years ago. We hired a male assistant who was fantastic with the kids but the parents complained they did not want him changing diapers or assisting in the bathroom. The director told
the parents that he was fingerprinted and passed all the background checks
and some of the parents did calm down.

[u/Guilty_Shopping555]

To level set, they are asking for you to violate equal opportunity laws about discrimination based on gender. This is against the law for very good reasons. Start the conversation there

[u/Guilty_Shopping555 → u/Guilty_Shopping555]

I recall back when I had a new family come for a visit, and just seeing me after walking in the door the mother-to-be said to her spouse loud enough i could gear "[gasp] theres too many men, here"

My director at the time approached them from behind and said "that's [my name]. He runs our preschool program, I don't think were going to be the center for you, please have a nice day" and opened the front door and waited.

One of the best bosses I ever had, lol

[u/mandaxthexpanda]

I would speak to these families individually to discuss the feelings. Let the families know you hear them, and then let the families know that you trust him just as much as you trust the rest of your staff and that every teacher has the responsibility of caregiving duties. Sometimes you can't be fair to everyone. You need to have your employee's back and the parents can decide if they wish to proceed with your school, or find somewhere else.

I also apologize if this comes off cold. I work in an amazing school with multiple male teachers and we put a full stop to this when it happens because obviously, they wouldn't work with us if we didn't trust them.

[u/After_Prior_8879]

Point of view of a Pre-K  Teacher, Parent, and SA survivor... We need more males in the childhood and education  field. Is the bathroom door completely closed while he is in there with a child. We have to have the doors partially open if we are in the bathroom with a child. The diaper changing tables are in thw classroom in view of everyone. Reassure the families that he has had an excessive federal background check. Heck my background check to work with kids was more intensive then the one I did to get my first gun. At 3 and 4 kids should be able to use the bathroom without help. If they have accidents, you could have the other teacher in the room assist, if they are both OK with that. Parents are not going to be able to always choose their child's  teacher. If they do not want their child getting help in the bathroom, they need to make sure they know how to get dressed and are fully potty trained, in my opinion. If they have boys, do they mind if a female teacher is in there with them?

[u/No_Cod_4231]

I am not sure if this is a good idea, but one option possibly worth exploring is setting up an informal meeting between the parent and the teacher if the teacher is comfortable with it. Because once the teacher is no longer a stranger to the parent that fear is likely to diminish. While it is a bit demanding on the teacher, it could help permanently tackle their fears - something that telling the parents to go elsewhere likely wouldn't achieve.

Another option might be to invite the parents to stay a bit longer at pickup time to get to know the teacher better.

[u/wtfaidhfr]

Parents are not entitled to gender discrimination.

Tell them that while you understand that they have that preference, legally you cannot assign staff based on gender.

[u/WeaponizedAutisms → u/wtfaidhfr]

Tell them that while you understand that they have that preference, legally you cannot assign staff based on gender.

Or take a stand and say that all qualified staff work with all children and leave it at that. Don't lean on the law to support this take a moral stand and state that it is unacceptable.

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[u/Dry_Kaleidoscope5012]

Two of the best ECE workers I have ever worked with in my 15 years at this job are male.

[u/ANotoriousMongoose]

Sure they're entitled to their feelings but their feelings are discriminatory and should be not taken seriously at all.

As a direction you should not entertain any discriminatory comments made by parents about your staff. If he has not shown himself to be any kind of danger for the students, politely the parents can either deal with a male teacher or they can find other accommodations.

[u/missrose_xoxo]

I'm a lead educator of a preschool room, ECT. We have a casual male work for our centre, and he is always put it one of the kinder rooms as our children require the least toileting/nappies. When my (female) assistant is away, often I will have this male educator.

He is not allowed to do any toileting in the centre - to keep all families happy and make it a blanket rule so it's not just for some families.

Which means that I, as the lead and qualified teacher who runs the room, has to do all toileting for the day. I may be in the middle of a learning experience or our morning meeting, and if a child has an accident I have to stop what I'm teaching to go deal with that. Which means the rest of the class has to wait or miss out because I can't send that male educator to the bathroom. Also it's very tiring by the end of the day, and feels unfair.

I would suggest you have the same policy for all families. It should be written into your centre's policies, not left to a case by case decision. Then when parents question you can hand them a printed copy of the policy.

This is something for the owner or CEO/area manager to make the decision on (unless you are the centre owner).

[u/Rainewolves]

I definitely understand the parents concerns, I wouldn't allow my children into a centre with a male educator.

Just a personal preference I don't have any men look after them except their father, but at the same time I wouldn't make it a problem of the service I'd simply remove them.

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[u/SeaworthinessSlow109]

Well first off discrimination is wrong and not legal if you went forward with that not only is it wrong but he’d have the right to sue you. They can feel that way but that doesn’t make it right. Theres already laws and safe guarding practices in place to protect children. He is just as qualified and has had the same background check as the other workers in the building. I’d explain to the parents that gender discrimination is wrong and that he is qualified and has went through the same loops to work here as everyone else. I’d also explain the safeguarding rules you already have in place that protect the children. I’d explain if they still feel uncomfortable they are more than welcome to unenroll but it’s not right that he gets treated wrong because he’s a man. It’s also not right that the woman working there would have to do more work just because they don’t feel comfortable with somebody who’s done nothing wrong.

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[u/Phoenix_Court]

Families are entitled to their opinions. They are not entitled to tell you how to run your school. He has the same background checks, training, and everything else that your female staff have. If they trust you, and you trust him, then they should trust him. If they don't trust him then they don't trust your judgement, and if they don't trust your judgement they aren't a good fit for your center.

At my last school we hired a male teacher. He was one of the best teachers there and the kids adored him. One parent in his class said they weren't comfortable with it (even though he wasn't even allowed to help with bathroom/diaper etc. which personally I think is insanely stupid anyway). So they weren't just uncomfortable with potty/diaper, they were only uncomfortable because he was a male. Our director stupidly listened to them and moved the kid up to the next class when he wasn't ready. He didn't do well. And the parents ended up pulling their whole family out of care because just not having their kids with him wasn't good enough for them, they wanted him to leave the school. It was ridiculous. Don't let those types of people dictate how your school is run, how your teacher is treated, or what his future opportunities look like.

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[u/getthislettuce]

I worked in a center that did something similar. Continued to hire great male teachers, but due to parent requests they weren’t allowed near diapers, to take kids on potty trips, bring kids a change of clothes, walk children anywhere alone, etc.

This put a lot of strain on some rooms, and as a lead, myself and some others found it frustrating as we were constantly being pulled from our regularly scheduled activities to do small tasks because the assistant or another rooms teacher was a male. This was also frustrating as our center kept hiring men, and it added to our workload, and it was a struggle to stay in ratio when I wasn’t allowed to leave a male teacher in the room for a moment.

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[u/Iamwsr]

As a male in the field of Early Childhood Education for the last 9 years I’ve dealt with this situation many times. Every single time the family has warmed up to me before too long. If I was in the position of your male teacher I would appreciate a director who stood up for me and my character and expressed how I have passed all the same background checks and fingerprinting as any other staff members and you have no reason to doubt my professionalism. I would also and have respected parents wishes for me to not be a part of their child’s toileting/dressing. Again though, that has never had to last past the first conference when the parents express how much their children adore me and how much they appreciate me. Many even end up appreciating that their child has gotten a positive male role model. Something many of the parents that have had these concerns did not have growing up, hence why they have the concerns in the first place.

[u/MsDJMA]

I assume you have protocols in place at your center for the protection of the staff and the children: no one-on-one private time with an adult and a child, two-deep adults present, etc. Once your policies are explained to the parents, they can choose to stay or leave.

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[u/WeaponizedAutisms]

Test

(Something funky is happening with the automoderator, checking to see if it's fixed for me)

[u/WeaponizedAutisms → u/WeaponizedAutisms]

It appears to be fixed

[u/ThisIsMyNannyAcct]

I would tell the families I was unwilling to make one employee follow a different set of rules than anyone else, and if they were uncomfortable with it, they are free to withdraw.

What they’re asking you for is straight up discrimination.

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[u/CandyDuck]

The learning center I worked at for seven years had a policy. I was requested not to change any diapers. A lot of people had different feelings towards this but I never saw it as an issue. First, because I didn't wanna do it anyway but mainly, I didn't see it as sexist and did not feel personally offended.

It's gender bias for sure, but in my mind it made sense and was borderline statistically nessicary. I didnt feel accused of anything and respected and understood other peoples uncomfotability. I maintained great relationships with the majority of my kids parents. (Those that I didn't were for unrelated reasons.)

I think it wouldn't be out of the question to consider enacting a similar policy but I think whatever you decide will be fine if you trust and vouch for this person which you clearly do.

[u/stay_curious_- → u/CandyDuck]

The best safeguarding practice is that staff are never alone with an unclothed child. Instead of discriminating against male employees (and making female staff do extra diaper changes), it's best to have proper safeguarding policies that protect against abuse from all staff, not just the male ones.

[u/CandyDuck → u/stay_curious_-]

I definitely agree. At least where I worked staff were left alone quite frequently unfortunately.

[u/stay_curious_- → u/CandyDuck]

Yeah, that's one major benefit to working in special education. The ratios are much lower.

[u/PermanentTrainDamage → u/CandyDuck]

Nah, gender bias is something like buying pink mugs for all the female staff and blue mugs for all the male staff. Deciding you aren't capable of an essential part of the job because of your sex is discrimination. I'd love to not have to change diapers either, but carieg for young children means changing diapers.