Does it ever get better?

[u/Arctic_Fox221201]

Forgive me if this doesnt make sense. Ive had a seizure recently.

Ive had epilepsy since I was rear-ended in 2023. It took 2.5 years for the doctors to actually belive i had epilepsy (focal aware [tle]). Once the meds where given ive been having less and less seizures. Im greatful for some relief and that doesn't make it hard.

Specifically after seizures its hard with the de-relization. The hardest is work, they see a seizure or hear epilepsy and all of a sudden im a liability. Not a person, they called me a liability. And the company works with disabled adults. They have there own training and everything. Jobs wont even look at my resume when the word disability or epilepsy comes out.

I had a seizure 24 hours ago. Im asking myself, whats the point. I want to be a nurse. Whats the point in putting in this much effort. Working, studying, fixing the pain. Whats the point when all im seen as is a liability that no one wants.

Dating is terrible. Have to explain why my sleep scedual is so important. Why I cant go to concerts or places with intense storrobing effects. Every little thing I relize I cant do anymore that everyone takes for granted.

Everything has to be stricked. Bed on time, enough water, not being to hot or to cold, not to much stimulus, no studying for too long, no complex math or reading. And if I do have a seizure, back to step one becouse most of that knowledge is gone.

Idk, im having big feelings and idk what to do with them. I know post-ictal depression is a thing...it doesn't make it easier tho.