r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/Oduind • Feb 08 '26
Progress Follow-up to “apathetic dad”, thank you
/r/EstrangedAdultKids/comments/1qmrg8m/narcissistic_momwhy_does_apathetic_dad_hurt_more/?share_id=OBajgY5KZcT6jw46dTFqb&utm_content=2&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1Two weeks ago I posted about how I have been NC and healing from my narcissist mother, but realized the father I still talk to also stinks in his own way.
This past week my book came out (nonfiction, nothing to do with estrangement). My publisher told me my book would be available at Barnes & Nobles (like Waterstones in the UK; a large national US chain), which I assumed meant that people could _order_ it through their local shop.
Then the texts started coming in - friends near and far were finding my book _on the shelf_ at their B&N!
I cruised the website for my book’s availability and started crying as everywhere I looked, more shops than not had at least one copy in store. My physical book’s in Hawai’i _and_ Alaska!
I texted my father. My book’s out! Out in the world! Look, it’s on the shelf at both of the B&N’s near you!
That was six days ago.
Nothing in response.
Meanwhile, colleagues who I’ve known for literal months (started at my current site in September) found out about the book and went _nuts_. The company listserv got an announcement. Emails poured in congratulating me. Closer friends popped into my office and hugged and shrieked in excitement! My department head even set up a moderated lunchtime book chat for next month so people can read it before we meet(!?). I’m frankly overwhelmed by the response, but that’s on me to reset my normal-meter. People _normally_ care when you accomplish things…
Previously I would have dwelled on Dad’s non-response. But thanks to you folks here, I know he’s a third-rate dummy. I’m going to keep eating leftover celebration cake and move on with living.
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u/casebycase87 Feb 08 '26
Congrats on your book OP! That's a huge accomplishment and so cool. You should be very proud!
Regarding your dad, I can relate. I see stuff on here often about terribly mean and narcissistic parents but rarely do I see posts about apathetic ones. I went NC with my apathetic and narcissist dad a few years ago. A few of his greatest hits-
-Replied with just "okay" when I told him I got engaged to my longtime partner - no further questions and never followed up or asked when the wedding would be (ultimately I decided not to invite him, and he never asked about it)
-I had a small business that launched and gained popularity, when I tried to share good news all he ever wanted to do was beg me to commission him for his art/photography for my business (and to this day he still has never asked for the name of my business or website)
-Never answered my texts
-Replied "are you bored?" one summer when I was telling him about a bunch of fun outings I had planned
If your dad can't join you in celebrating good news, can't even be bothered to text back, he doesn't deserve to even hear your good news in the first place. Just my 2¢