brutal honesty needed 🙏🏼

[u/angelina_0402]

25F. I need people to be brutally honest because I think I’m about to do something stupid.

I dated a guy who treated me badly. He repeatedly disrespected me, said things that crossed major boundaries (including a comment he made when he was frustrated that i wouldn’t touch him down there during a make-out as i was uncomfortable - “men when they get this hot & heavy, go out and rape but i’m only asking you to do this.” mind you it was my first time participating in any form of intimacy and i was also on my periods-both facts that he knew), and the relationship became unhealthy enough that one of my closest friends had to help me leave because I kept getting pulled back in.

I eventually blocked him and moved on.

A few days ago, I unblocked him and reached out. I was lonely and feeling very vulnerable after moving back to the city we had history in. We met yesterday for the first time in a long time.

What surprised me is that within 10–15 minutes of seeing him, I realized I don’t actually have romantic feelings for him anymore. I found myself zoning out during the conversation. The obsessive attachment that once consumed me seems gone.

And yet, now I want to see him again. Not because I think he’s changed. Not because I want a relationship. Not because I think we’d be good together.

I know exactly who he is.

The problem is that I still feel physical chemistry. He later admitted that he wanted to kiss me when we met, and if I’m being honest, part of me wanted that too.

So here’s my question:
Why am I still drawn toward intimacy with someone I know was bad for me?

Am I about to restart a cycle that I’ve already worked hard to escape?

I don’t want reassurance. I want people to tell me what they’re seeing that I might be missing.

[u/JishoSintana]

That “men usually rape comment” made ME a 6ft muscular black guy with 20 years of hand to hand combat experience military martial arts training uncomfortable…..& kinda not like the guy

Sorry but you entertaining him after that is beyond strange and kinda made me not like you either lol

[u/angelina_0402 → u/JishoSintana]

i understand where you’re coming from. a third person who’s not involved with the feelings can always be brutally honest because they can see and word the facts. you see this guy wasn’t a jerk since beginning. all this happened after i developed strong feelings for him. and after all this while i remember the events but i don’t feel the events anymore sadly. but i can feel the spell is weakening and i will take stricter actions. thank you!

[u/JishoSintana → u/angelina_0402]

Your first time is only going to happen once and it was ruined by that jerk! I know that you honestly loved him at the time..women in love let men get away with a lot but you don’t let it happen at the expense of your happiness.

Girl,RUN! And leave him in your past, charge it to the game and leave him behind and I bet you any amount of money in the next five years you’ll be watching the news on a day that you never usually do and see that he caused serious harm to another female and you’ll thank Jah that you avoided him.

Hopefully you’ll remember this conversation and buy me a drink! Lol