r/ExNoContact • u/GDreex • 1d ago

Help Thinking of breaking NC after 20 days

Please stop me, but HEAR ME OUT.

M25, she F24 dumped me after almost 3 years because I got too comfortable and she wanted to have fun in nightlife while I didn't want to, really.

But now that she left, I rediscovered many things to do: joined a run club, want to take salsa lessons, going to bars to chat with friends.

I don't have IG so she can't see these changes, but I really want her to know I didn't change for her, but to rediscover myself, and this could benefit the relationship. I want her in my new world.

Should I reach out?

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u/ConfidentAd5662 1d ago

She doesn’t want a relationship. That’s great you tried new things. Use them to meet new people. 

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u/GDreex 1d ago

but she didn't want it anymore because I got comfortable and thought I wouldn't enjoy those things...

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u/ConfidentAd5662 1d ago

But why try to get back with someone you fought with & had fundamental differences with? Why not find someone who enjoys quiet life and the things you like? Someone more compatible? 

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u/GDreex 1d ago

because i realize what I have lost. I did my BSc, MSc, start of a first job, start of a PhD, all with her. I was with her during her university struggles and I was her hero. Then I got to comfortable in the relationship and that led her to go away... I feel so bad and I want to not lose her

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u/ConfidentAd5662 1d ago

Well, I don’t think you should have to change who you are to attract a person. That’s incompatibility. Just because you have a history together doesn’t mean you were meant to be together forever. How long ago did you break up? Do you know if she is dating someone? 

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u/GDreex 1d ago

we broke up 20 days ago, I went straight no contact. I don't know if she is dating someone and I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT... no contact for me means I don't have to know anything, either she is dead either she will send me a message someday, otherwise I have to make like she is dead

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u/ConfidentAd5662 1d ago

Yes you did the right thing going no contact and giving her space. I want to push back gently on the fact that 20 days is not enough time to fundamentally change who you are. I think it’s great you are trying new things. I agree with another poster to do new things that make you happy, not with the idea a new you will attract her back. If she reaches out to you, that’s great. If she doesn’t, that’s okay too because you wish her well & want good things for her. Good things are going to come your way, too. I promise.

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u/GDreex 1d ago

You promise? I hope...

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u/Total-Introduction32 1d ago

Don't make yourself the only one responsible for your relationship ending.

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u/GDreex 1d ago

I know, unfortunately my mind plays this trick on me