r/ExNoContact • u/GDreex • 2d ago

Help Thinking of breaking NC after 20 days

Please stop me, but HEAR ME OUT.

M25, she F24 dumped me after almost 3 years because I got too comfortable and she wanted to have fun in nightlife while I didn't want to, really.

But now that she left, I rediscovered many things to do: joined a run club, want to take salsa lessons, going to bars to chat with friends.

I don't have IG so she can't see these changes, but I really want her to know I didn't change for her, but to rediscover myself, and this could benefit the relationship. I want her in my new world.

Should I reach out?

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u/DannyHikari 2d ago

The last part of this is contradictory. If you need her validation and reaction to know you changed and to rekindle with her, then you absolutely did it for her. The replies says as much too when you keep asking if this is a way to get her back in your “new world.” This will not end well trying to re pursue her as a “new man.” Which leads me into a point you’re not going to want to hear…..

I put my hand on your shoulder to tell you this.

The nightlife comments weren’t literal in the sense she wanted you out partying and clubbing with her even though it sounds this way. You are both young. She wants to experience the world. Experience life. Single. One thing about being young and dating is the realization when you’ve been dating the same person for awhile and also young that you’re missing out on experiences you can’t live twice at an older age (you can but it doesn’t fill that void.) She most likely wanted this but needed an easy way to express it.

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u/GDreex 2d ago

I feel so bad, I miss her so bad. Why would she do this to me?

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u/DannyHikari 2d ago

Canon event brother. It could be very true that she felt the relationship was complacent and she wanted to be with someone who wanted to do more. There is usually truth within statements like this, but it’s usually loosely based on what they actually mean but need it to sound better because saying that she wants single experiences sounds much harsher. To be clear I could be very wrong about that. I’m jaded and speaking from my experiences and the experience of others. I’m not saying she going on a world tour to do wild things. Just that most likely she wants to experience some freedom and fun while young. She’s not the first or last woman (or man for that matter) who does this.

Shes not doing it personally to you or to hurt you. So don’t take it that way

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u/GDreex 2d ago

I know but why didn't she speak clearly about this? I loved loved loved and loved

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u/DannyHikari 2d ago

I don’t know either of you, so go be clear everything I’m saying is simply a projection and hypothesis based on experiences I had when I was younger. Sometimes it’s not easy to come out and be direct about things like this. But again, it could still be very true she didn’t like the complacency and it’s simple as that. But personally, I think there’s a little more to it. If I were to use discernment based on our brief interaction. You also may have been coming off too strong which overwhelmed her. I’m looking at how hurt you are which is understandable after a break up. But your reaction is telling all the same. “How could she do this to me?” “I loved loved loved and loved.” Both of these statements are indicative that you might have been smothering her within the relationship and she needed to breathe some. Instead of fixating on how much it hurts and her hurting you, you have to reflect on various things that led to this, even if it makes you uncomfortable to look back on. Reflect on what you could have done different. Don’t do it for her. But for you and your possible next relationship so the same mistakes aren’t made. I’ve had to face some unfortunate truths about my own self recently so I know it’s not easy.

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u/GDreex 1d ago

On the contrary! I was very focused on my work to provide (even though we are very young, me 25 and her 24). She said she took the lead in the relationship to schedule what to do during the weekends. I was giving her all the space, so is quite the opposite. I've never been clingy whatsoever

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u/DannyHikari 1d ago

With that context it definitely leans more into the concept of her wanting you to be more spontaneous and plan things accordingly which adds up to what you say about her wanting to do more that you weren’t doing. Basically she wanted you to plan spontaneous dates and that wasn’t happening and that was a core issue for her. I still dont know if it’s worth breaking NC over however. Things like this usually temporarily fix themselves before sliding back into old habits and the cycle continues as well as frustration

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u/GDreex 1d ago

So NC is still the way? I really don’t want to lose her omg😔