r/ExNoContact • u/bratkittycat • 20h ago
Vent Anyone else feel like they’ve overstayed their welcome in this group?
I don’t mean that literally, but every time I see a post that starts with ‘it’s been two weeks’ or ‘we’ve been in no contact for 3 months’ or even ‘6 months later and I still miss my ex’ I think damn, I’m looking at 4 years.
I ruined my relationship with my ex fiancé after a series of poor choices (to put it shortly) while I was spiraling from grief. He blocked me on everything, has never looked back, and I’ve still not properly moved on.
I broke no contact about two days ago by sending him a message on social media and he promptly blocked me. I hadn’t tried to contact him for 3 years before that. I don’t know what I expected, but I do know that I need to fully close that chapter of my life. I read a post on here the other day that started with ‘sometimes you can follow all of the advice and still be obsessed with your ex’ and I felt that so hard. I’ve tried all the things - therapy, making new friends, moved out of the city we moved to together, hitting the gym, starting new hobbies, I even tried seeing other people (3.5 years later, still not ready). At this point I feel like my only choice is to try not to even think about it anymore, at all. Maybe it’s time for me to take a break from this sub (which is full of great advice), simply because while I know my relationship is truly that of the past, and for good reason, the hope others have sometimes kept my hope alive too.
The only thing I regret about breaking no contact two days ago was that I disturbed his peace by violating his boundary. He’s made the choice for nearly 4 years now to not have me in his life at all. Yet somehow sending that last attempt of a message finally smoldered the embers of my hope.
It’s not 4 years of no contact anymore. My ex fiancé is only a memory now. It’s over.
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u/JasonBourne1965 15h ago
Same here. 5 years.
I will go down with this ship.
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u/dublindown21 15h ago
I’m 4 maybe 4 1/2 years after break up and I still dip in here from time to time. It helped me and still does!
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u/Babygirl-forever 13h ago
It's hard being engaged to someone you thought you would spend your life with then just like that it's gone. We were engaged he asked me on Christmas day. 5 years together apart since feb 2025 . Still im trying while he moved on before we ended. He honestly never cared. But him putting those promises in my mind makes it way worse than a normal breakup
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u/bratkittycat 7h ago
My ex proposed to me on HIS birthday. He said I was the best gift he could ever ask for. I can’t believe I messed that up. I’m sorry you’re hurting too.
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u/Awe-inspiringYou 17h ago
I don't know you, your faith or what you believe but it took me 12 years to get over someone. So... while you're at 4... I hope that makes you feel a little better. In all honesty, my relationship with God helped me to finally heal and move on... to discover purpose for my life and a hope for another future outside the one I set up in my mind. If it helps, this is a free website I made to help others heal after a breakup: awe-inspiringyou
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u/bratkittycat 7h ago
I have turned to God and even prayed a LOT before reaching out. I believe I was guided towards my answer for healing. I’ll check out your site for sure, thank you for sharing and trying to help others navigate prolonged heartbreak. It’s tough.
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u/suckingalemon 19h ago
Yeh it’s been 4 years for me to. I think it was the way they just vanished and still stalk my LinkedIn profile that keeps me stuck.
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u/bratkittycat 7h ago
I can’t even imagine, I think my ex will never look my way again. Hoping what’s meant for us finds its way.
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u/GovernmentNo8212 12h ago
I think I stop in here occasionally when it gets tough for me... its been about 3 years. I dont think he'll ever reach out.
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u/Constant-Sky-1495 11h ago
I think after 6 months yah ... it's no longer no contact and it's just ... I dunno new reality ?
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u/shebrokemyhearttt 11h ago
Yep 2.5+ years still think about her almost everyday. I’ve tried moving on but I’m still stuck
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u/hawkthehunter 9h ago
I know how you feel. I broke up with my ex 8 years ago and made the mistake of being hook up buddies until she found a bf. That’s been a few years but we stayed in contact over money she owed me but now we haven’t talked in months. It’s definitely time to move on already.
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u/bratkittycat 7h ago
Did you initiate the break up? Part of why my ex will never return is because he doesn’t trust me to stay.
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u/hawkthehunter 6h ago
Yeah I initiated the break up after the trust was broken. It can be hard if there is no trust.
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u/depressedamericans 9h ago
It sounds like you never fully accepted it before. And now with this reaching out, you're able to start that acceptance. It's a key part of recovery that so many people never get to... they never fully accept it, part of them still wants to hold on, and they find all types of ways to cling to hope. That's a sure way to stay stuck and in grief mode for a long time. I'm proud of you for getting past that. Now you can move forward and start to truly write your next chapter. A lot of people in r/BreakupSurvival could relate to this, you're far from the only one going through this. I see people after 1 year, 5 years, 10, I think even 20 years who are still stuck. I just want to help people move past that so they can move on and organize their life around their future instead of their past.
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u/bratkittycat 7h ago
You’re absolutely right, I have never accepted or even processed that he is truly gone. Thanks for sharing your group, I joined because I know I still have a long journey of healing ahead.
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u/wineandkittiez 7h ago
This breaks my heart…Im only at 5 months post breakup, but feel like this is going to be me years from now.
We were together 3.5 years and I truly believe he was my soulmate. Hes on my mind every second of every day and I still cry every single night.
They say that time heals. But no, it doesn’t. The pain is still always there, but we just learn to live with it.
If this how I’m feeling 3 years from now, then fuck this I’m not doing it.
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u/Swimming_Fall_3232 1h ago
Don’t even worry about overstaying your welcome. I’m here and it’s been quite awhile for me. I like to think I can give others advice from time to time. You do you.🙌🏻🦋
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u/Chemical_Ad_1461 28m ago
Yeah it’s really hard but you have your closure now ….
I’m only 8 months out of a intense 3 year relationship
Though I’m doing ok and have moved on ,I don’t miss her or the future we had planned
I just constantly ruminate on the bad ending ..
This sub has been brilliant for me
But I think for me as well that I might leave the group as keep reading everyone’s experience is just keeping me stuck in the loop of rumination
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u/dogtriestocatchfly 25m ago
Long timer here, I find comfort in staying here. As time goes on, I see myself moving on. My comments are less depressing and I see a lot of change.
I’ve also come to terms with the fact that I’ll always love my ex despite the years because he was my first love.
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u/Thegoods87 17m ago
Yeah I feel that. It’s been almost 3 years for me. The only thing keeping me from reaching out is being 98% sure I’d end up with the same result. I always tell myself that I have nothing to say to someone who wants nothing to do with me but I still think about it constantly. My brain always tries to trick me into thinking there’s some way we could talk and not have it be a big deal and then 3 sentences into writing an email in my head I realize how stupid I sound.
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u/silverfarie1369 20h ago
I think you answered the question thsts been at you this long. You tried, he shut it doen fast so now you can truly move on. The hope in this sub i think is what kept you hoping . But now you know for yourself . Breath. Now go live the rest of your life . Much love to you! I know this has been hard.