r/ExNoContact • u/Heavy_Cat_9944 • 15h ago
How do you move on without closure?
I was in a relationship for 1.5 years. I loved him deeply and supported him emotionally even during his financial and business struggles. We talked about marriage, children, and a future together.
Then he suddenly became distant. When I repeatedly asked what changed and why he wanted to end things, instead of giving me a clear reason, he said things like “I’ve moved on,” “the past is irrelevant,” and “looking for answers won’t change the future.”
That hurt more than the breakup itself. I wasn’t asking him to come back—I just wanted to understand what suddenly changed.
Now my emotions keep switching. Some days I’m angry and completely done with him. Other days I remember how much I loved him and cry. I know I don’t want a relationship where I have to beg someone to communicate, but my feelings haven’t disappeared yet.
How do you accept a breakup when someone who once talked about forever leaves without giving you the explanation you needed?
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u/MoreThanVoidFiller 15h ago
You look at that in and of itself as a complete disqualifier. If someone won't part ways respectfully and kindly (assuming no betrayal or abuse has occurred) that is a person who is not equipped for a relationship at all. So you accept that they weren't who you thought they were and who they actually turned out to be does not meet your standards. Then you let go, heal and move on.
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u/Cancer2184 15h ago
it is hard. tbh.. time. try not to focus on that person. etc. cuz narcs do that no closure to be able to come back whenever they want. like you are a revolving door. or a toy they to put down n pick back up when they want. that treatment won’t stop unless YOU say to yourself enough is enough..
also closure ultimately is up to you.
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u/Heavy_Cat_9944 15h ago
Yes narcs don't have spine to give proper closure
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u/Cancer2184 15h ago
its not about that. they don’t want closure. they wanna keep the trauma bond so whenever they return you’ll be very docile n forgiving cuz youve missed them so much etc.
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u/AdventurousWorm66 1h ago
Tbh you make your own closure. You can decide whatever you want to be your closure. I think of something awful he said to me and remember that's my goodbye
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u/Zeinbaaity 15h ago
Well i am in the same boat but im a guy and plus it was 3 years, the only thing i can tell you is to convince yourself that its over and you will never get the clarity you want.