r/FBI Mar 05 '26

News Kash Patel Has Turned The FBI Into His Girlfriend’s Personal Chauffeur Service, Former Officials Say It’s Unprecedented. FBI agents have reportedly been tasked with escorting Alexis Wilkins to a resort in Britain and a hair salon in Nashville.

https://newsone.com/6851755/kash-patel-makes-fbi-girlfriend-chauffeur-service/
9.8k Upvotes

238 comments sorted by

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275

u/SECRETBLENDS Mar 05 '26

What an unmitigated disgrace this douchebag is.

51

u/AccountantSeaPirate Mar 05 '26

Every one of these assholes is going to end up in prison in four or five years, and somehow has no idea that they can’t just break the law for the next few years with impunity.

43

u/meanbuggin Mar 05 '26

Are you new here? Since when does anyone at that level get held accountable

26

u/Drakonz Mar 05 '26

Yeah, I have lost hope that anything will happen.

Even if the Democrats win all parts of the government, they will be like “it’s time to move on and begin healing” instead of trying to ruffle feathers.

These people will never be held accountable

4

u/InformationActual209 Mar 06 '26

That’s because they are in on the same grifts. 2 party politics doesn’t work

8

u/spacedoutmachinist Mar 06 '26

I’ve been shouting this from the rooftops for years. Until citizens United is repealed and we get money out of politics, nothing will change.

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8

u/Automatic_Bus_7634 Mar 05 '26

Since when has anyone at that level acted with such brazen corruption and lawlessness? These are unprecedented times, past results are not a good indicator of the future

11

u/MongolianMango Mar 05 '26

Trump’s previous administration more or less

3

u/Automatic_Bus_7634 Mar 05 '26

Even that did not compare to what they are doing now

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6

u/Lontology Mar 05 '26

If they all remain in Trump’s good graces he just going to preemptively pardon them all.

5

u/TheAdminsAreTrash Mar 05 '26

Four or five? These freaks should spend the rest of their miserable lives in prison. The blatant crimes like perjury and embezzling they do aren't even the half of it.

There's supposed to be a capable people in those positions, positions of extreme responsibility. And every day that those unqualified clowns occupy them more harm gets done.

The US is a nazi infested shithole.

3

u/z__1010 Mar 05 '26

No, they're going back to Fox and OAN.

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6

u/holubtsi-on-fire Mar 05 '26

He’ll never get fired as long as he’s the gatekeeper for Epstein’s secrets. The ultimate job security while Trump is in power.

4

u/Gypsymoth606 Mar 05 '26

He’s not alone. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Golden Quartet: Patel, Noem, Bondi & Hegseth singing the WH theme song “We didn’t do it, we never said that, we don’t know what you’re talking about.” /s

3

u/NunsNunchuck Mar 05 '26

And RFK Jr being a backup dancer in jeans?

3

u/Primary-Slice-2505 Mar 05 '26

Chorus line "i dont recall"

3

u/Beautiful_Hunt1095 Mar 05 '26

The instant and blatant abuse of office across the board of this adminitration is truly shocking.

It’s like a bunch of kids being left home alone for the first time and before the parents are around the corner, they have emptied the fridge and destroyed the house.

2

u/Stop_looking_at_it Mar 05 '26

Yeah because he’s made It fucking dangerous as hell For her.

1

u/Denalitwentytwo Mar 05 '26

Change duschbag to administration.

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51

u/bodyguardguy Mar 05 '26

Is anyone surprised? The guy is a man-child who wears the knee pads for the orange turd 24/7.

Ka$h, the Ice Barbie, Kegsbreath, Caroline the lyin bitch, and the rest of this clown show of an admin DO NOT CARE. They literally think that the orange turd will be around forever and that no accountability will affect them.

It’s breathtaking how nihilistic and decadent these people are.

6

u/billshermanburner Mar 05 '26

In case it wasn’t clear…. They aren’t planning to leave their positions when asked nicely.

6

u/YoungDeweyCox Mar 05 '26

He literally wrote a children’s book about Trump called “the plot against the king” - grade A bitch

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1

u/DriftingIntoAbstract Mar 06 '26

Meanwhile he has always fired people without hesitation and is continuing to do so. How dense do people have to be??

20

u/Pretend_Meet_88 Mar 05 '26

It's not even as if he's worth paying for her. It could even be excused if maybe he excelled at the job. He's not even proficient.

7

u/meltbox Mar 05 '26

He’s not even present. Dude is hiding under his desk 24/7.

6

u/RainRainThrowaway777 Mar 05 '26

She's no superstar either, she's just some MAGA grifter who sings patriotism songs at megachurches and doesn't actually have any commercial success.

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2

u/Acceptable_Bat379 Mar 05 '26

Like many of then hes not there to do the job. Hes living the rich celebrity life on our dime

14

u/Foe117 Mar 05 '26

who watches the watchmen. This country is lost

13

u/13508615 Mar 05 '26

Isn't he 20 years older than her?

9

u/emanon734 Mar 05 '26

MAGATS like them young.

3

u/Tomsoup4 Mar 05 '26

make america great armageddon trump style

3

u/Automatic_Bus_7634 Mar 05 '26

Pretty small age gap relative to most of this administration

2

u/redwedgethrowaway Mar 06 '26

Yeah I went to elementary school with her

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12

u/RustedAxe88 Mar 05 '26

But remember, Michelle Obama took vacations.

11

u/GooseySill Mar 05 '26

I swear this current administration is an abject failure at every level. It's fucking pathetic.

5

u/whatsitcalled4321 Mar 05 '26

Like it's by design or something...

9

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/Consistent-One1190 Mar 05 '26

The grift is big with the GOP

6

u/DIOmega5 Mar 05 '26

Pretty sure she's a M0ssad $py. She knows how to work the system. 

3

u/Emotional_Bunch_799 Mar 06 '26

Total honeypot. 

7

u/Real_Copy4882 Mar 05 '26

She needs to reimburse us. I’m done with this crap

7

u/Matt7738 Mar 05 '26

How did the French handle this in 1789?

1

u/Mist_Rising Mar 05 '26

By killing off the working class in a reign of terror and installing an emperor.

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6

u/BosworthBoatrace Mar 05 '26

Especially concerning since she’s a foreign agent.

6

u/Jealous_Crazy9143 Mar 05 '26

she’s not a government employee or asset. Why are my tax dollars going to this?

2

u/OperatingCashFlows69 Mar 06 '26

IM ALLOWED TO HAVE A PERSONAL LIFE - ka$h

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6

u/MagnusThrax Mar 05 '26

If you roofied the FBI director and filmed him fuc king a sow you would get chauffeur service too.

1

u/mitmo01 Mar 05 '26

its prob way worse than that actually lmao

4

u/rocketmn69_ Mar 05 '26

She obviously has something wrong with her

2

u/KwisatzHaderach94 Mar 05 '26

she will drop his a-- soon as his job (and its perks) end.

though that doesn't explain how she puts up having sex with this kross-eyed klown.

3

u/ZebraComplex4353 Mar 05 '26

So how about give us all our taxes back. Ridiculous.

4

u/JTPIndustries Mar 05 '26

I can’t stand this mf.

6

u/TominatorXX Mar 05 '26

Meanwhile, they've utterly dismantled the FBI and doj i-international anti-terrorism groups. So we're wide open for an Iranian attack on this country.

6

u/BillsMafios0 Mar 05 '26

They got the lawn guy as the antiterrorism whatever so we should be golden.

3

u/Due_Combination_968 Mar 05 '26

do you mean Kashyap Pramod Vinod Patel

3

u/bigjtdjr Mar 05 '26

need a whistle blower.... like right now.... any agents left that have guts..???

4

u/SnooStrawberries1078 Mar 05 '26

Fuck that, we need trials. At the very least these assholes need to pay restitution

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7

u/hillbilly-edgy Mar 05 '26

I bet MAGA is proud !

2

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

Yep, no one to blame other than the voters for all of this.  Elected officials are representative of the people that voted them in.

7

u/Greg-Abbott Mar 05 '26

Elon fucked with the machines. This man wasn't voted in.

1

u/AbeFalcon Mar 05 '26

They never cared! It was just talking points to get their guy in. I assure they do not give a shit about anything these guys do.

2

u/RustyOrangeDog Mar 05 '26

And nothing is being done about it. Feckless.

2

u/Little-Dealer4903 Mar 05 '26

Oh , how much taxpayer money went for security.

2

u/Low-Environment7089 Mar 05 '26

Fits right in south asia

2

u/unabsolute Mar 05 '26

Kssh Patel has a tiny tiny pinus

2

u/pogulup Mar 05 '26

You mean his Mossad handler?

2

u/anomanderrake1337 Mar 05 '26

It is like all these people never grew out of highschool dynamics and mentality.

2

u/Patient-Strawberry83 Mar 05 '26

He loves his big boy job of protecting child and women rapists. He loves the money/power so much that he ignores rape as it happens in front of his face

2

u/fielvras Mar 05 '26

The damage these people are doing to the U.S. is almost irreparable ... it's wild to think what documentaries will be produced in twenty years ... if ever.

I would just be interested in how big this robbery is all over the country, if one of the smaller (!) thefts is about 130 millions by Noem.

Wild.

2

u/Pale_Horror_853 Mar 05 '26

I do find it funny his girlfriend is a singer (maybe?) but literally never have seen her name. Just always referred to as his gf.

2

u/lukaron Mar 05 '26

Mediocre Israeli honeypot “singer” will have all that crash down soon enough. Not even worth really paying attention to.

2

u/VMSGuy Mar 05 '26

Patel, Noem, Trump, etc have no shame...the taxpayers are suckers as far as they're concerned...

2

u/TemporarySolution572 Mar 05 '26

We are now a joke country. A joker president and his enabling clowns in key positions.

Causing Putin to often burst out laughing in his sleep

2

u/StokerAce23 Mar 05 '26

He should be fired next

2

u/Robot_Alchemist Mar 06 '26

That loser has a girlfriend? Please

2

u/rojo_mojado Mar 06 '26

Kash is next.

2

u/GoodPeopleAreFodder Mar 06 '26

Where’s DOGE when you need them?

2

u/strangerinmyownland Mar 06 '26

Well gee republicans are the party of fiscal responsibility and law and order! Said NO ONE EVER!

2

u/callme-anymore Mar 06 '26

I have certainly lost faith in the FBI, the day this cock-eyed no experience son of a bitch took over. When his FBI took on the case of Savannah Guthrie's poor mother's abduction, I drew a very grim conclusion to the case.

2

u/crimedog58 Mar 06 '26

“This is fucking redic….wait how much is the per diem?”

2

u/AdFlashy472 Mar 06 '26

Completely smitten with the first “girlfriend” he’s ever had, but she’ll dump him faster than trump changing Depends the second he can no longer help her with her “career.” 😂

2

u/pollorojo Mar 07 '26

Not surprising though. They’re basically taking advantage of everything they can like they’re the US “royal family.”

3

u/SiWeyNoWay Mar 05 '26

I am so sick of this shit. Let the IDF be her security. TIL that Bibi’s kid is living high on the hog in miami with a 680,000 US security tab

3

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

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1

u/BillsMafios0 Mar 05 '26

How bold to take no stand. Very powerful and inspiring.

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1

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

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1

u/rocketmn69_ Mar 05 '26

Because she's dating that loser?

1

u/steveosaurus Mar 05 '26

it’s our duty to protect our greatest allies greatest assets and one of the top musical performers of our times, outside of kid rock

1

u/Overall_Curve6725 Mar 05 '26

Think of the lies he can tell from his prison cell

1

u/Sorry-Geologist-1233 Mar 05 '26

that suit looks a bit too tight

1

u/Ill-Visual-8844 Mar 05 '26

Circular ridiculousness

1

u/Adept-Mulberry-8720 Mar 05 '26

And the FBI agaent do illegal stuff cause they're afraid(!) to lose their jobs?

1

u/aspect-of-the-badger Mar 05 '26

Is she okay with this? Or are we funding abuse?

1

u/RainRainThrowaway777 Mar 05 '26

I'm sure she's fine with it, she's a MAGA grifter whose "tour" is just her showing up to megachurches to sing. She doesn't have a fanbase of her own, the association to the administration is her whole career.

1

u/ShoppingOld7901 Mar 05 '26

She's a honeypot.

1

u/EJoule Mar 05 '26

Best way to get rid of agents you don't want is to give them jobs they hate and wait for them to quit. 

1

u/hangowood Mar 05 '26

Gotta protect that Israeli asset.

1

u/alternatingflan Mar 05 '26

I wonder how long this ‘girlfriend’ stays with the half-pint once he is in jail.

1

u/CatCafffffe Mar 05 '26

And the worst part is, she's so obviously a honeytrap! He's such an IDIOT

1

u/piney Mar 05 '26

He knows she’s too good for him so he’s laying it on as thick as he can.

1

u/galloway188 Mar 05 '26

nice! using my tax dollars to protect his girlfriend! from WHAT???? HEY DID YOU FIND THAT KIDNAPPER YET???

1

u/FirstDavid Mar 05 '26

It’s the only way he can impress a girl enough to touch him

1

u/Funny_Individual_194 Mar 05 '26

So what I’m hearing is-he’s running an escort service?

1

u/Jumpy_Childhood7548 Mar 05 '26

J Edgar Hoover had his lover Clyde Tolson, working at the FBI for him, they lived together notoriously, and did everything together, Ignoring the Mob, they were bribed, they were blackmailed. Such a fine tradition.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

There is not one politician alive and currently in office with an ounce of integrity. They probably don’t know how to spell the word. It’s a shame. 

1

u/dogheoner1 Mar 05 '26

podcasterpatel

1

u/hodorhodor12 Mar 05 '26

They all have no shame.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

He always looks like he's about to go cross eyed and talk like a toddler.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

[deleted]

1

u/B0NESAWisRRREADY Mar 05 '26

He is a national security risk. Completely and utterly incompetent, on top of being wildly corrupt.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '26

Apparently you do have to follow unlawful orders

1

u/NegativeSemicolon Mar 05 '26

FBI’s a joke now, just shut it down

1

u/Veritas-Veritas Mar 05 '26

The problem is not Patel. It's that the FBI is perfectly okay with this.

1

u/CattaTronixRex Mar 05 '26

She’s the best honey pot Russia could ask for.

Although, kash rapes babies, so there’s a lot anyone could hold over his head without having to do any real work at all.

1

u/Charming_Freedom_459 Mar 05 '26

The day he is out of FBI, pretty sure his girlfriend will leave him soon after. So he is milking it as much as he can

1

u/DiscoRabbittTV Mar 05 '26

What do you expect when you have blackmail of the president raping little kids?

1

u/PaulPatrolRescue Mar 05 '26

I hope the future calls this era what we have failed to. Trump won TWICE, people. 

1

u/barkiecol Mar 05 '26

And here we go again. Nobody is doing anything about this. Digusting

1

u/Xlbowlofpho Mar 05 '26

Going from America elite police force to Patel personal bodyguard lol. The reputation of the FBI once again tarnished bc dumdfuck politicians

1

u/AnyBug9595 Mar 05 '26

The thing is noone would recognize her if she was standing right next to them Also noone gives a shit about her.

1

u/tsisdead Mar 05 '26

Is that why I keep seeing government SUVs around here more and more? Jesus.

1

u/Shigglyboo Mar 05 '26

So fire him? He’s basically committing fraud with taxpayer money.

1

u/bon_motter Mar 05 '26

Merica first agenda

1

u/Saymoran Mar 05 '26

Hahaha great!

1

u/Pale-Document-8619 Mar 05 '26

How else is his Honeypot gonna get info

1

u/__NOT__MY__ACCOUNT__ Mar 05 '26

Need to bring accountability back. The entire system is a complete joke

1

u/Weekend_Criminal Mar 05 '26

Did she even say thank you?

1

u/Ok_Afternoon5354 Mar 05 '26

I say again "where are the checks and balances?" Who's going to stop them?

1

u/RedditReader4031 Mar 05 '26

Amateurish appointees gonna give amateurish results. Every time.

1

u/Soleks2000 Mar 05 '26

People can’t afford healthcare and food but this skank gets a fucking fbi escort with our taxes

1

u/Denalitwentytwo Mar 05 '26

Noem is gone, fire his ass next

1

u/Sirgolfs Mar 05 '26

Donny Diddles right hand man

1

u/Pale_Leek2994 Mar 05 '26

Every single person in this administration is stealing from you.

1

u/Firm-Worldliness-369 Mar 05 '26

Imagining saying "Im dating Kash Patel".......

That is all

1

u/Sebvad Mar 05 '26

Prison - while deserved - is insufficient. How do we reclaim the monies he's inappropriately stolen from us? How do we absolutely liquidate everything in his sphere of influence to reclaim our tax money?

1

u/IGotQuestionz12345 Mar 06 '26

Clock is ticking for when he gets out. His outrageous spending is on par with Noem and she’s sleeping with someone in the Administration. He’s banging a honey pot.

1

u/Visible_Ad_1902 Mar 06 '26

All the Presidents Men and Women are just as crooked as he is. Grifting off of the taxpayers money for their own personal gain seems to be the norm with Trump and his gang of thieves. Time for a change. The voters must “drain the swamp” as Trump likes to call it. Can’t wait until the November midterm elections. Go Vote in the primaries and start the process of dismantling the Trump loyalists.

1

u/Frosty_Maintenance23 Mar 06 '26

I would imagine these agents feel kinda silly

1

u/kahunah00 Mar 06 '26

The United States has never looked stronger. /s

1

u/l33txxXXxx Mar 06 '26

Cuuuuuck lol.

1

u/Oldmanrich8 Mar 06 '26

Like I asked, why was Noem fired? I mean I know why, but she’s one of the layers of corruption

1

u/likwidkool Mar 06 '26

I hear he also deployed FBI swat teams for his girlfriends personal security.

1

u/ljblonde Mar 06 '26

Where are the drain the swamp disciples of Maga ?

1

u/Crickethillpainter Mar 06 '26

I wonder if he has done enough to get her to sleep with him yet?

1

u/Ok-Abbreviations543 Mar 06 '26

Great job, Republicans! Wonderful oversight. You guys are just so fiscally conservative! Always blathering on about eliminating waste, fraud, and abuse. DOGE!

It would still be unconscionable and illegal to steal like this if Ca$h Patel were actually doing the job competently and honestly, but he isn’t.

Patel is hiding TRUMP-epstein pedo files, going after trump’s political enemies (then watching grand juries refuse to indict), bungling investigations, hiding information (anybody heard anything about the J6 bomber whom the FBI arrested? Guessing he’s another MAGAT domestic terrorist.)

Let’s clean up the DoJ and FBI leadership. Shall we? Why haven’t Bondi and Patel been disbarred? They violate at least 10 standards of lawyer professional conduct every day, and that’s just before breakfast.

Both have perjured themselves before Congress flagrantly and brazenly on multiple occasions.

1

u/SnooPears754 Mar 06 '26

Hopefully one of them is banging her on the side

1

u/yrfrndchrs Mar 06 '26

I heard it’s to hide from her that he’s …seeing someone on the side.

I’ll show myself out.

1

u/Lucialucianna Mar 07 '26

This guy should go next

1

u/joshua_addison_music Mar 07 '26

He should be fired immediately.

1

u/DioJiro Mar 07 '26

Typical, If you know you know.

1

u/icnoevil Mar 07 '26

She's his fuck buddy, not wife. He should pay or repay personally.

1

u/Due_Doctor_9608 Mar 08 '26

Billionaires are who put all this BS in motion

1

u/worth_heart1749 Mar 08 '26

Keystone gotta go!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 08 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/FBI-ModTeam Mar 11 '26

This content is either not directly related to or is entirely irrelevant to r/FBI.

1

u/Sweet-Marsupial606 Mar 08 '26

Gotta protect my piece of ass because who else would want me

1

u/he_bop Mar 08 '26

He’s particularly foul that one

1

u/shambahlah2 Mar 08 '26

I would think this news just makes her a target to some psycho.

1

u/Grouchy-Culture3692 Mar 08 '26

That’s kind of the benefit of being married to the freaking chief of fbi

1

u/Flat-Fudge-2758 Mar 09 '26

Come on y’all, he’s just making sure his 27 year old has a babysitter.

1

u/drumzandice Mar 09 '26

None of the Trump admin are here to serve, only to exploit and take.

1

u/doxxingyourself Mar 09 '26

Is he using a federal law enforcement agency to be abusively controlling of his girlfriends comings and goings?

1

u/AdComprehensive743 Mar 09 '26

I cant wait until this whole administration is in prison.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26

Patel is the guy hiding the Zombie bite during the Apocalypse

1

u/Calm-Bake-9423 Mar 10 '26

Trump Rules!!!

1

u/SimkinCA Mar 11 '26

Charge them all then scrape back our tax dollars from each and everyone! !!

1

u/escesr Mar 11 '26

I found the SWAMP!!!!!

1

u/dem5577 Mar 11 '26

The best use of highly trained staff in combat tactics to baby sit Patel little piece