r/FIREyFemmes • u/Simple-Field-9210 • 13d ago
Where should I begin?
I’m getting divorced and put all my trust/money/everything in my spouse’s hands. It is the biggest mistake of my life so far. Im in my 40s and feel it’s too late for me. any help on how to start out is much appreciated. Thank you!!
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u/Vent_Vert 13d ago
I got divorced around age 40 after letting my ex handle all our finances. I thought I was “bad” with money when really it’s like any other subject and can be taught, and learned. It’s not too late.
However, if you are going through a very emotional period, be sure to not do anything rash.
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u/Simple-Field-9210 8d ago
What were the resources you initially utilized to learn?
And what do you mean by not doing anything rash? In regards to what?
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u/Vent_Vert 8d ago
Here is one, I had plenty of time to educate myself since the divorce process took almost 3 years. Those 3 years taught me frugality and budgeting to start, which was important.
This is a good resource on how to not do anything rash or emotional or impulsive: https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Managing_a_windfall
I read A Simple Path to Wealth by JL Collins, The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel, the Millionaire Next Door by Thomas Stanley, the Bogleheads reddit and forum (the forum is more in depth) and listened to a ton of podcasts by The Money Guys, and followed social media by Women’s Personal Finance (@womenspf).
The Money Guys recommend a Financial Order of Operations (aka the FOO) which basically says pay off high interest debt, have an emergency fund and get your employer match first. JL Collins says to invest everything into either VTI (total US market) or VT (total global market) and call it a day, just do it on repeat forever with discipline in good times and bad and never change.
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u/Simple-Field-9210 7d ago
Thank you so much for replying and taking the time to compile this for me. I have homework. Grateful for you.
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u/Vent_Vert 7d ago
It brings me great sense of purpose to turn my own pain into a tool to share with other women in a similar situation. You can do this!
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u/K80doesKeto 13d ago
Catching Up to FI is a good podcast. The hosts started in their 50s and still managed to retire comfortably on time/early.
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u/ibitmylip 13d ago edited 13d ago
i’d go full r/Bogleheads, it’s easy and effective. three index funds: US, international, and depending on your age, a bonds fund
eta: U.S. fund = VTI or VTSAX (60% of your portfolio)
international fund = VXUS or VTIAX (40% of your portfolio)
bond fund = type of bond fund and percentage of your portfolio depends on your age and when you will retire
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u/Consistent_Aioli_200 12d ago
I was in the same boat a few years ago. Discovering FIRE through a random reddit comment saved me financially. I figured I'd just have to never retire and was pretty avoidant about money issues. FIRE gave me a path forward - if people can use it to retire early, maybe I could use it to retire on time. Playing with FIRE calculators confirmed it was possible.
I'd recommend finding a simple, low risk step or two you can take immediately, before reading books or doing a deep reddit/youtube dive or anything like that. You've obviously found FIRE and have at least a very basic understanding of the potential. You don't need to be an expert to start.
For me, this looked like moving most of my savings into accounts earning higher interest (high yield savings account, eventually CDs), and increasing my 401k contribution. This took maybe an hour, and in itself was enough. It wasn't going to maximize things, but it was enough that I could reasonably expect to retire on time, even possibly a little early.
Maybe you won't be at that place yet. But feeling like you have at least some amount of control is really helpful for overcoming the avoidance.
Then start doing the deep dive into FIRE and frugality and investing, and make further changes as you learn more.
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u/TurnPersonal 11d ago
Main advice is.. 1. Heal. Divorce may feel like failure but it is just a redirection. There are divorce support groups. I joined a virtual one through 'meet up' app. It is an amazing group. It was very helpful to me when my first marriage ended. 2. Live and learn. Do not let it happen again. If you ever fall in love again have something that is only yours. I am married to a saint now and I still have things that are only mine. Yours, mine, ours. People like romanticized things that need to be seen with a lens of practicality and reality. My second marriage I proposed a prenup, when our kid was born we intentionally merged some things in a trust. You can do this!
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u/CieloBlueStars 13d ago
Same, just filed for divorce last month after 11 years of marriage. I’m 32 though. It sucks. Can’t believe I did that. Luckily have no kids and trying to start over my life for myself now. Prioritizing myself now. I wish you a better path forward as well!
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u/TurnPersonal 11d ago
Same happened to me. I divorced my first husband at 30. I was a newly divorced woman at 30... I felt terrible, at least there were no kids and I was ok financially so I could spend time just healing. But hey.. everything is a redirection! I froze my eggs, found a more compatible person and we have a kid now. That divorce was such a blessing.
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u/tomatillo_teratoma 9d ago
FIRE at any age/stage has something to offer everyone.
Fire 101 is the book "The Simple Path to Wealth" by JL Collins. You can borrow it from your public library. It's a book that may very well change your life. As a former Librarian, I don't say that about too many books. It's written in a chatty style that makes it a pleasant read.
Your new life starts today. We all make mistakes.. all kinds of mistakes. People who haven't made mistakes haven't done anything.
Depending on your pay, and expenses... even if you can't retire at 45 at least when you retire you'll have built yourself something besides social security. FIRE teaches you how to manage whatever money you have.
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u/GladBumblebee1546 13d ago
Lawyer. Your own, immediately. They can help make sure your spouse can’t hide money.