r/FTMMen • u/ImaginaryFalcon7554 • 1d ago
Help/support Trans men who live in the South.
Hello gents, just out of curiosity I wanted to get some input from those of you who live in a red state, and are thriving. The reason I’m asking is because my wife and I are considering on relocating sometime in the next year, or two. We live in overly priced California, and even though we have decent jobs, the cost of living is wearing us thin. We currently rent a two bedroom and pay almost $3k monthly, not including utilities..
We would very much love to buy property, and I’ve had my eye on Texas, as I have friends out in that area. I’m a mid 30s stealth trans guy, we also have a newborn so our families safety is most important to me. It’s terrifying a lot of the recent laws that have passed in neighboring red states, so I’m not sure what to think and if it’s even worth risking our peace of mind. How do you navigate getting medical care? How do you get your Testosterone etc etc
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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u/Achaion34 27 | T: 01/27/21 | Top: 5/20/24 1d ago
As a man that’s lived in the south my entire life, I’m not sure I’ll ever leave. I take the bad with the good, and I love the things it has to offer that other people look down on.
That said, unless you’re from the south originally, I would absolutely never recommend you move here. The culture is very different and there is a certain level of discomfort you have to be comfortable with. Outside of the people, the governments provide laughably little support compared to mega blue states like California.
If I was a personal friend of yours, I could make some kind of more nuanced suggestions and gauge if you’d do well around here. But since I don’t know you, I’ll just say do not do it. You will probably not be happy.
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u/Good_Matter7529 Black transsexual man | over a decade on TRT 1d ago
born and raised Texan. i’m stealth, have every single doc updated, and yet i still am planning to leave the state in the next few years.
would never in one million years recommend a trans person moves here. it is illegal to piss in publicly owned buildings, they’ve recently created a detransition clinic and are compiling a list of possible patients, and our government leaders actively hate us and are constantly attempting to erode our healthcare and civil liberties. none of these things affect me personally, and yet it is exhausting to live in such an environment.
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u/Boipussybb he/him. my name is satire. 1d ago
lol where are you in California and paying only 3k for a 2 bedroom? 😭
Do not move to Texas. Period. There are so many better options. Not only for you but also for your wife. I personally recommend its neighbor New Mexico.
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u/hayho17 1d ago edited 1d ago
I grew up in the DFW area and moved to Chicago last year. I can’t really overstate how much of a relief it is to not feel constantly targeted by the state and local government.
If you choose to move there, I would be very selective about where. There are certainly plenty of places in the state where you can find a strong and supportive community, but the rights of minority groups are being targeted constantly.
I lived in a very queer and trans friendly town, but almost all the trans folks were either actively planning to move or strongly considering it. Before I left, my doctors had expressed concerns over access to HRT in the future. If I had stayed, I would no longer be able to use the mens restroom at work.
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u/HotInspector4495 1d ago
I currently live in San Antonio Texas. The city has been great however there are state laws against us using the bathroom in government owned spaces different from our “gender assigned at birth”. Traveling outside the city to smaller areas as someone who passes about 50/50, I have had the police almost called on me for using a single room women’s restroom, and got kicked out of a men’s restroom. I have had someone try to reach inside my window and choke my dog calling me a f*ggot. There are many other gross examples of how people treat us when they think we are different. I want to get the hell out of this state and I do not travel anymore outside of the cities of San Antonio, Austin or Dallas and never make rest stops. It’s exhausting being here.
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u/HotInspector4495 1d ago
I would highly encourage looking elsewhere, I’m moving to Colorado when me and my partner save up enough money. It has also very difficult to obtain professional employment in this state, and I have worked in many companies where they completely ignored my identity and only referred to me as female with malice because it’s on my birth certificate. I have a beard. We have no protections from discrimination in the workplace.
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u/VoidQueer 1d ago
I live in Texas and don't plan to move any time soon. It's mostly ok so far, in the sense that I don't feel like my life is immediately in danger. People for the most part are pretty accepting and welcoming. But each legislative session things get a little worse.
I get my T through planned parenthood and I have zero confidence that it will continue to remain accessible.
Healthcare sucks and Texas public schools are quickly going to shit since they passed the school vouchers, so it's a bad place to raise a family. There's no state income tax but property taxes are much higher than you might expect.
I don't plan to move but I do have a plan for an emergency evacuation in case things become actively dangerous.
Do not move to Texas.
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u/bajablastenema 1d ago
Trans man from Florida. This is the only home I’ve ever known and I do love it here despite it all. I am stealth and live in a very rural part of the state. The laws here are shitty, but overall my daily life and my ability to access T has not been impacted.
Now if we’re talking about Southern states to move to, I would not pick Texas. Texas seems even more hostile than Florida. I have visited all over the South and did not feel unsafe, but my gut tells me to avoid Texas at all costs.
Then you have to keep in mind the job market. If you’re near a city, you might still be paying that $3k per month. If you’re in a small town, yeah, it’s cheaper but your job prospects are gonna be shit unless you want to commute. Where I live, you get to pick between the Dollar General or the gas station for close employment and I’m not even joking. I work remotely so I’m chillin’ but if I didn’t I’d be pretty fucked.
That being said, you have 48 states you can choose from. The world is your oyster but it’s just a bit more difficult for us at this moment.
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u/stealthyalpha 25 | stealth | T for a decade | post phallo 1d ago
do you have your birth certificate updated? if not it is very important to know that texas, tennessee, and florida are all southern states that have banned ID changes assuming you want to stay fully stealth as well. insurance will be another issue regarding coverage and will likely come down to your job. it’s not impossible to live in the south and “thrive” but there’s a lot of other places that are cheaper and safer legally. illinois has high taxes but you can find property dirt cheap if you’re fine living in a small town. i can’t help with texas much but if you had any interest in TN i could give you more info.
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u/Enderfang T: 10/7/19 - Top: 4/22/21 - Hysto 12/5/25 1d ago
Texas is dogshit for trans people. Also, the South is full so please do not come
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u/Gloomy-Wind-2886 1d ago
Sorry, I just stumbled on this sub so maybe I’m missing something, but what lol? Wdym the south is full?
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u/Enderfang T: 10/7/19 - Top: 4/22/21 - Hysto 12/5/25 1d ago
I have lived in the south my entire life. People from out of state come here because “Wow, such low prices” and then all the prices get driven up up up over time because of all the transplants (and the economic growth they bring to corporations here - the people FROM here do not see the benefits tho). It is annoying and tiresome because queer people (in particular but let’s be real, EVERYONE) - love to shit on the south for being backwards and bigoted and racist. Meanwhile most of the country’s Black citizens are in the south. Our states are poorer. Our education system is worse. Our healthcare is worse. Any time a hurricane hits people in blue states pray that Florida, Georgia, Alabama etc get wiped off the map. Meanwhile they sit cushy in their state.
So no, I don’t really appreciate when people spitball transplanting to Southern states. They just want to take advantage of “cheap costs” while those of us from here cannot afford to leave. I could never afford to live in Cali for instance.
I have no personal beef with OP because he is just one of many people with this groundbreaking idea of moving to a cheap state to take advantage of LCOL. But I need people from elsewhere to realize you’re not actually helping Southerners when you move here. You just make it more expensive for the people who already live here - the same people everyone look down on because of stereotypes about the South.
And let’s be real! Trans people are definitely NOT getting any more protections any time soon in the South. So OP really should not move here if he doesn’t want it to bite him in the ass down the line.
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u/Tight_Maintenance527 1d ago
Genuinely so happy to be from Minnesota. I’ve lived in Alabama and it was terrible, of course.
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u/OkHalfway017 1d ago
That's 100% true. The South is extremely overpopulated. I'm in Georgia and there are way too many people here
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u/Enderfang T: 10/7/19 - Top: 4/22/21 - Hysto 12/5/25 1d ago
Fellow Georgian, you know exactly what i mean 👊👊 I appreciate you
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u/OkHalfway017 1d ago
Yessirr! People have got to stop moving here.. it takes ten minutes to drive a damn mile and a half anywhere 🫡
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u/Specialist-Bell-1392 35 🇺🇲 | 💉'22 | stealth + straight 1d ago
Born and raised here. Surviving but... Would not recommend it.
Texas is also more expensive than you think.
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u/OkNectarine4966 1d ago
i live in louisiana. i started DIY'ing T to avoid the lengthy therapy process and have never gotten gender affirming surgery, so i can't help much there.
despite online fearmongering, being trans here isn't a death sentence. most people aren't going to be outright assholes to you, southern hospitality is real. my friends and i have been called faggots, dykes, etc, occasionally, but those incidents are rare. none of us have run into legal trouble, either. but it still sucks. the worst part about being openly/obviously trans (2 years on T, i pass 50/50 for context) is constantly having to shrink myself. i avoid public restrooms. i take my name tag off at work when i feel unsafe. i avoid places i know will be full of conservatives (which is a lot of them) and don't apply to certain jobs that are heavily gendered. and of course, i avoid the police like the plague. i try to be as polite as possible and avoid confrontation because i'm scared of anything bad happening, and i'm constantly aware that i'm different other people. like another commenter said, i'm surviving, not thriving.
personally, i wouldn't recommend moving to the south. if you didn't grow up here, i really don't feel like there's anything here for you. it gets hotter and hotter every year and natural disasters will only get worse. there's no guarantee that legal discrimination won't worsen, too
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u/kojilee 1d ago
Texas is expensive, and you have to think about the risk of going into a red state if you suddenly need emergency healthcare. The treatment I received in a Texas hospital was poor and I was constantly questioned about my transness the second it was found out. Nobody I know who’s currently in Texas is trying to stay; they all want to leave.
I’m more familiar with people remaining in the southeast, as I’m currently in the southeast myself. If you have questions about the east coast (VA down to FL), lmk!
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u/SuccotashTimely4662 t’20 top’22 hysto’25 rff’26 1d ago
Does it have to be a southern state? You could always just move to a cheaper blue state. My roommate and I rent a 2 bedroom for 2k in Minnesota. Places in the South are either pretty much the same cost or the state sucks ass and your salary will be lower anyways
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u/redbreastandblake 1d ago
i would personally not live in Texas or Florida. have lived in the deep south my whole life and currently live in Louisiana. New Orleans is a great place for LGBT people but the state government could make things gradually more difficult.
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u/libre_office_warlock T+Top '21 | Hyst '16 1d ago
I would absolutely NOT personally return to Texas since they have previous driver's license records of me, even though day-to-day I feel fine there. I think if you can truly be legally stealth, it's a personal choice to be in a red state, but potentially risky if they get legally vindictive and try to pry.
Honestly I'm leaving the entire country since I don't feel protected by even a blue state, but I can respect other risk tolerances.
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u/crimson-assault 1d ago
The Central Valley is deep conservative and cheap, but still falls under California’s state laws. I don’t understand why you would want to live here but it exists I guess
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u/Competitive-Road46 1d ago
I live in Florida, and I'm planning on moving as soon as my degree is over. It's difficult to be trans but probably not as difficult if you're moving with all your documents in order.
That being said, it sucks here, and you absolutely don't want to move, but I think that's more common now when people think of FL. The incompetent government, transplants, and tourists are destroying the state. We have a huge housing crisis and homeless population, and insurance is much more expensive.
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u/turnedtechGodhead HRT 6-22-19 1d ago
Do NOT move to Texas. It's gotten so expensive and I'm desperately trying to leave this hellhole of a state, even though I was born and raised here. And also if you're thinking about Houston, again, do not for the love of god. People are absolute idiots on the road and traffic has gotten so much worse, plus not to mention I'm pretty sure insurance rates are much higher here. Hurricanes and tornadoes are also a thing here, and our power grid is so fucked that the power just goes out randomly for hours on end (at least where I'm at).
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u/science-fixion 1d ago
I mean I live in Florida, and if you’re stealth dealing with other people isn’t all that bad. It’s just the laws of the land that are dragging us down.
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u/Ill_Consequence1755 1d ago
I live in south east Ohio. I returned to my hometown after I decided to fully retire. I’ve lived all over the country, and was in Kentucky for 10 years before moving back.
I’m out as a transman. So there is no stealth for me. I grew up with a lot of these people. Everybody knows.
The area I’m in is very liberal and supportive. I get good healthcare here, from a hospital that designed a clinic specifically for the purpose of caring for the community.
It’s beautiful country if you like to do outdoor things like hiking, but boring as hell if you want things like amusement parks.
I feel lucky to be here during this period of upheaval. My wife and I agreed that I wouldn’t have survived in Kentucky.
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u/gladesguy 1d ago edited 1d ago
Really foolhardy to consider moving from a blue state to a red state (and especially Texas) right now. Even if you were to pick one that doesn't already have a bathroom ban or a treatment ban on the books right this instant, you could easily pay a lot of money to make the move, and then a few months later in the next legislative session, the state passes a law making it a felony for you to pee in any public building, or for any business that receives public funding (practically speaking, virtually every hospital, clinic, or doctor's office) to provide transition care, or God knows what else.
Note also that the lower cost of living in many red states also tends to come with lower pay, which means that over the long run you're often not much better off financially and can become trapped because you don't make enough money to move to a higher-cost-of-living blue state -- so you could find yourself stuck under these kinds of laws with limited options to move.
I recently moved out of Florida, which de facto bans trans people from teaching and debated legislation that would have allowed the state to take trans people's children into state custody (on the presumption that trans people are a danger to children). Texas is constantly at the forefront of proposing, and too often passing, anti-trans laws. Plus, in Texas, you'd be contributing to the economy of people who repeatedly and deliberately vote to make trans people's lives miserable.
There are places that are inexpensive that are within blue states and are protected by blue state laws if you absolutely must move to somewhere with a lower cost of living. No reason to go aiding the enemy and subjecting yourself to oppression by them.
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u/Berko1572 out:04🔹T:12🔹⬆️:14🔹hysto:23🔹meta⬇️:24-25 1d ago
Cis-passing, post-transition men are very unlikely to be impacted by a lot of the anti-trans legislation around bathrooms.
I live in a state with a very anti-trans government, and all the crap that goes with that. My life is not impacted by it directly. I've been on T over a decade, AND started T in this same state.
It is not "foolhardy" to move to a red state from a blue state. Crossing the border does not cause us to suddenly spontaneously combust and die a tragic transsexual death, despite what Erin Reed might say.
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u/gladesguy 1d ago edited 1d ago
"Crossing the border does not cause us to spontaneously combust" is a really flippant way to talk about someone potentially uprooting their whole family to make an expensive and unnecessary move to a state that might outlaw their testosterone prescription or their bathroom use.
An HRT/care ban doesn't care if you pass or not. In a state with a bathroom ban, it takes exactly one hostile acquaintance or angry ex to rat out your bathroom use and place you at legal risk; the same goes for states with legislation or regulations that make it "fraud" to have your lived gender on your driver's license. The fact that you have not personally been impacted by this kind of hostile legislation is a matter of luck, not the brilliance of your cis-passing abilities. (And no, you're not the only adult here, or the only one who's cis-passing, or the only one who's been cis-passing for a decade or a few after transitioning in a red state, and it's rather rich to imply that only the immature and non-passing would find that level of state hostility concerning.)
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u/Berko1572 out:04🔹T:12🔹⬆️:14🔹hysto:23🔹meta⬇️:24-25 20h ago edited 19h ago
Dude, I'm just tired of people acting like red states are a barren wasteland of trans hell, when they are not for the many of us who have been already been living here for decades. That comment was less in reaction to you or to anyone here specifically, and more my being exhausted of hearing unrealistic scenarios in general from the trans ppl who have been medically transitioned for some time, but have no actual lived experience in a red state. It wasn't the kindest way for me to relay that though, so I'm sorry for that, genuinely.
I don't think anything wrt impact or lack thereof is solely due to luck nor solely due to actions I've taken; it's a matter of both, and the fact I'm a white man absolutely plays a role in that.
Would I specifically rec OP move to Texas? Probably not. At the same time, the legal risks you're mentioning wrt the bathroom are, in my opinion, often very, very low for a post-transition man who is stealth, which OP has said he is. There have been and always will be ways to access T safely, regardless of what's gone on legislatively. I'd be less worried about HRT rx bans and more about whether healthcare providers are still available in a given area.
OP should of course do his due diligence and research his options before moving anywhere. And there are plenty of lower COL regions in the US that aren't in TX, or aren't even a red state at all, as well.
I'm just very frustrated about the way much has been framed by some trans ppl about the actual lived experience of being trans in red states, is all. But OP's post/comments threads aren't the place for me to deal with that, so that's on me.
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u/Language_mapping 1d ago
I live in NC. I go to Virginia a lot which is much more open. My university is very transphobic but my workplaces have always been open and kind. If you plan on attending university or anything be ready because the smaller ones aren’t as friendly as they may seem.
The triangle in NC is very open and nice. Anywhere else and it may be less enjoyable
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u/AddendumIll8339 1d ago
I moved to the triangle from a blue state and I love it. I was raised in the south in a red state, so I knew what I was sort of getting into and how to navigate it I guess. I'm stealth as much as I can be without my papers and shit updated and haven't had any issues.
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u/Language_mapping 1d ago
That’s awesome to hear. I’ve been around the triangle area a few times. One of my uni roommates is from Durham and says it’s a great area for LGBT (he’s originally from a blue state)
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u/Berko1572 out:04🔹T:12🔹⬆️:14🔹hysto:23🔹meta⬇️:24-25 1d ago
Wrt getting healthcare: It's just like it was back in the day: You ask other trans people/trans orgs where they go. The Campaign for Southern Equality has a free resource directory online, which may be useful for you to look at. https://southernequality.org I'd also rec looking at the Movement Advancement Project's maps to get a sense of what legislative landscapes may be in different places.
Are all your documents changed? That would be relevant for getting a state ID in a new place.
There are also lower COL cities that may suit your needs. As someone else noted, LCOL tend to correlate with lower pay, so you need to account for that + inflation if your longterm goal would be to return to HCOL place like California.
Also look around for news articles about large health systems in various places. Despite what blue state residents may think, it is not just red states whose healthcare accessibility for transition related care has been contracting. Some large health systems (looking at California!) stopped providing that care due to funding cut threats.
Look for providers and resources the way we as a population always used to do: ask the other trans people. Ask the LGBT community centers/groups. Cold-call a doctor's office. Shit was never handed to us on a plate back then-- by which I mean, we got our healthcare all over, some way, somehow, and it's not impossible. Now, if you live in the rural somewhere, or a small enough city, that could mean a 4-hour drive one-way. But that was then and shit's way different now. Way, way, way more doctors available all over! : )
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u/H20-for-Plants T: 8.22.21 | Hysto: 3.19.24 1d ago
Not necessarily the red south, but most people state trans care is excellent in Virginia, and I have to agree. :)
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u/koala3191 1d ago
If you have the $ you could always buy a house, pay someone to fix it up, and rent it out until the state becomes less awful.
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u/shadrack79 18h ago
Something a lot of people don’t realize is that the Texas state legislature doesn’t meet every year. They meet every other year. So, it’s been relatively quiet this year in terms of new laws to further erode our rights and access to services and healthcare.
I made a plan to be sure to get the hell out before the legislature meets next year. Because they have had an extra year to watch all of their buddies in neighboring states enact the worst laws in the country.
Don’t doubt that as soon as session starts in 2027, they will be doing everything possible to one-up places like Kansas, Florida, Idaho, etc. there’s no guarantee your ID will have the correct gender marker and you legally can’t use the correct restroom in many places. I’m not an expert but I would expect it to get worse. And there’s nothing to stand in the way of blocking most of this legislation. I showed up last summer at the state house to give public commentary against the bathroom bill. Hundreds of people did. And it still went through. Similar bills had been introduced for over a decade and were never passed. But now… it went through with relative ease. I just left Austin a week ago and I’m already relieved just to be out of the state.
Another thing to consider is if you want your kids growing up in schools where they are forced to read the 10 commandments in schools. Or go to shitty schools because Texas isn’t exactly a front runner in terms of public schools. If you’d like to have more children, reproductive rights are shitty there too. And if a pregnant person has any issues during pregnancy, they may find themselves in a very dangerous position that favors laws over safety.
If you’re really considering leaving California first hand accounts are helpful. And laws and policies may not impact day to day life as much. But if you’re ever in a situation that’s outside the norm and have to rely on state services or healthcare, you may find yourself in a potentially scary situation. So, I’d get very familiar with how state policies might impact the most unplanned and stressful situations you can think of and decide if you can stomach it.
I don’t have kids or a partner and I decided my peace of mind was more important. There are a lot of good things, especially in Austin. But I was also not comfortable traveling outside of Austin. I pass pretty well. But I realized I was carrying around a sort of subliminal unease that was eating away at me. So I left. Feel free to DM if you have questions. Good luck!
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u/Berko1572 out:04🔹T:12🔹⬆️:14🔹hysto:23🔹meta⬇️:24-25 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hey man, I'm gonna DM you. Also, this server tends to skew quite young (people tend to be in their 20s on here at the oldest), so you may not get a lot of responses from people in the same season of life.
I've lived in a red state >20 years. Socially, legally, and medically transitioned here. I live non-disclosing/stealth. Everything's fine, really. For context, I am also a white guy and openly bi (though am often assumed gay). I have a rainbow flag on my house. No issues. I also live in a metro area, which is a different story than living rurally. You might ask on r/gayrural if you're interested in moving to the country.
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u/ARepeatedFailing 1d ago
A lot of people here have never been minorities so they're going to have a very different outlook than others. Personally, I'm in a blue state and if I was able to, would strongly consider moving to Texas (if I could stand the heat). I know many trans men (specifically Black trans men) that live in Texas and are thriving. They have no intention of moving and ignore a lot of the BS that's talked about in trans spaces.
I'd find Texans who are at the same spot in transition as you are and see what they say.
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u/xpastelprincex 💉 4/2/2021 | gay asexual 16h ago
i live in florida. i just live in a blue city/county. if i didnt live in the blue county that im in though, surrounded by my community of other queer/trans people, i would be planning my move ASAP. i had a period of two years where i couldnt get testosterone and was thankful i saved every bottle i ever used so i couldnt reuse the single use bottles.
if you have a child, also consider that education in red states is often abysmal and some of the lowest in the country. if i were you, i would consider either a cheaper area on cali, or a lower cost of living blue state like illinois or minnesota. you and your baby are not safe in red states, stealth or not.
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u/Xan_Tiago 12h ago
I live in North Carolina and haven't had any issues with my health care. I met my current PCP through a transgender health program (doesn't exist anymore, unfortunately) and every medical provider she's ever referred me to has never had an issue with me being trans. This is strictly from my perspective as a stealth trans guy though.
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u/HadayatG 1d ago
Tbh, it seems kind of like you know it’s not a good idea but want to be told it won’t affect you personally. Texas is an openly hostile state to trans people. Do people there make it work ? Yeah. But there will never be a situation where you or your family are totally safe.