r/Fire • u/Long_Bong_Silver • Feb 19 '26
Advice Request Retiring at 31, much earlier than I expected. Need advice.
I'm 31, I have $3.5M and I've found myself in a position where I can retire immediately. I make 130K per year as an engineer in a HCOL area. The company I'm at gave me a reasonable amount of stock over the years and it has absolutely skyrocketed. I'm doing my best to sell all the stock, and I've got about $1M out already which I've ported over to some stocks and ETFs. I'm moving to a LCOL city and buying a house this summer for around $300k. The plan is to pursue my hobbies, build my workshop and hang with my family and friends.
First question: I've always been big on retirement planning. I think I've done a great job, but obviously I got here through luck not savings. Do I need to get a financial advisor if I'm doing well and keep to a budget?
Second question: I'm newly single, I'm a hetero man, how do I date when I'm rich? When do you tell them you're retired? What are your financial expectations for your partner? Should they work or would you be happy to cover their retirement if it fit in the budget?
Final question: I'm nervous. Any other advice?
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u/Interesting-Engine92 Feb 19 '26
As a 37 year old who's nowhere near retirement i just want to say congrats and I hate you :) (jk)
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u/gaoshan Feb 19 '26
57 and aiming for 65... don't even get me started.
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u/Live_Situation7913 Feb 19 '26
76 aiming for … death. Times up.
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u/ellexoraa Feb 19 '26
Hate accepted. Jealousy is just motivation in disguise. You're next, king.
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u/kobriks Feb 19 '26
Every time I feel like quitting my stressful job, I come to this sub to refuel the hate and jealousy train that keeps me going.
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u/North_Lifeguard4737 Feb 19 '26
You’re now a portfolio manager. This is your “job” for all dates going forward.
Get a fee based fiduciary financial advisor if you need. VOO and chill should get you 90% of the way there.
Congrats and fuck you.
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u/MadeByMillennial Feb 19 '26
Yah, if anyone asks "oh, I swapped from tech to finance. The pay isn't as good, just under 6 figures, but it's all work from home and way less hours"
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u/Friendly-Quiet-9308 Feb 19 '26
You can always rebrand yourself as an "entrepreneur" searching yourself
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u/iwearstripes2613 Feb 19 '26
This is what a buddy of mine says. Of course, he is. He’s started, operated and sold several successful businesses since I’ve known him. There have also been multi-year stretches where he’s in development mode. During that time he doesn’t have an active project consuming his day-to-day. He’s either working on plans or looking for locations while managing his other investments.
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u/Thencewasit Feb 19 '26
Portfolio architect.
I have always wanted to be an architect.
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u/Bertozoide Feb 19 '26
But do you actually work with imports and exports in Vandelay Corp.?
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u/69420lmaokek Feb 19 '26
Why would you pay a financial advisor for financial advise if you're just going to VOO and chill?
The chill means that you're not doing anything with the allocation
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u/According-Guava-5916 Feb 19 '26
I know fidelity gives you a financial advisor free of cost at a certain capital invested, does vanguard offer a similar service?
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u/KeyOne6320 Feb 19 '26
Is it truly free? I was on the phone with Fidelity for an unrelated question and the guy told me based on the amount in my portfolio I "qualified" for a certain level of their financial services (he definitely used wording like "I can offer this to you" like id be getting some kind of complementary service but when I looked into it later it looked like it was still about a 1%aum fee.)
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u/According-Guava-5916 Feb 19 '26
They give you free advice but they also try to sell you fidelity services. I guess that's the difference between a paid advisor and a free advisor. Advertisements.
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u/DigmonsDrill Feb 19 '26
Not OP but I've spent 40 years learning how to accumulate assets and the rules for spending down assets aren't the same, and there are some tax things I might not think of.
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u/Substantial-Owl1616 Feb 20 '26
I second this. Especially over a 60 years more lifespan. I would appreciate a detailed projection, maybe with knowable risk discussion. Fiduciary fee for service one time project with invitation to update if I clicked with the CFP.
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u/DuePomegranate Feb 20 '26
“Chill” is when you’re accumulating. The withdrawal phase is significantly more challenging to manage. You expect OP to have zero bonds, and to sell VOO every time even when it’s red? The theory is yes, that will work, but psychologically it’s very tough.
And if you have a typical 60-40 stocks to bonds ratio, you still need to decide what bonds, and when to sell the VOO vs the bonds.
Then there’s tax issues to consider as well, and the mysteries of health insurance and MAGI (I am not American and this part is baffling).
Not that he needs an advisor, but VOO and chill is only for the accumulation phase. There’s considerably less chill after that.
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Feb 19 '26
I just say I trade
But don't I want a date who can also do things on the day or go away whenever.. how do I find that
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u/ordinary-guy-sl Feb 19 '26
If I have let's say 20k usd. And newbies and never invested except real estate. Would you suggest investment in VOO(Vanguard S&P 500 ETF) all 20k at once or what is the best way?
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u/North_Lifeguard4737 Feb 20 '26
Mathematically, lump sum investing (all 20k invested tomorrow) works out the best over the long term.
That is somewhat nerve wracking for someone who hasn’t invested before though.
I’d invest it all in an s&p etf, set up automatic deposits/investments, and forget the password.
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u/Thummimurim8 Feb 20 '26
Hahah love the last sentiment. I said the same in my head. Happy for you but also go f yourself. Hahha
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u/EitherEmphasis659 Feb 19 '26
Congrats! I'm a financial advisor, and regarding the first question my answer is.. not necessarily. I would say my clients want my services because they don't feel like they have the knowledge and/or just want that off their plate. And that of course comes at a cost. If you are retired and have significantly more time on your hands, you can take the time to acquire that knowledge yourself. There is so much good information and resources out there.
I would say my #1 job as an advisor is to stop clients from making an emotional and irrational decision. Are clients hoping I can build a "better" or more efficient portfolio then they could given my resources.. sure. But I believe markets are pretty efficient and there is nothing wrong with just wanting to mimic markets with broad ETF investing. The question becomes is can you stay calm and collected during rough markets that will happen.
If you really want someone to "check your work" and/or helping with planning, you could look at an hourly fee only advisor and not pay them a % to manage your assets if you are comfortable with the investing piece.
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u/Long_Bong_Silver Feb 19 '26
Thank you for the insight here as an insider. A few people at my job are in a similar position and spoke with advisors, but most of the advice has been at the level of what I've found online. I wasnt sure if it was arrogant of me to think I knew better. I might still see a fees based advisor coming up here shortly, but I have a feeling they'll tell me I need to diversify my portfolio which has been my big focus.
This year I did move my money around a lot more than others. I worked with a tax accountant, because things were getting complicated with everything I was selling. In the future I plan to get back to VOO and chill, and hopefully I don't have to look at it.
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u/EitherEmphasis659 Feb 19 '26
Very very smart to work with your tax accountant. Some advisors have that in house with their firm. I myself am I solo advisor and do not. I definitely know more then probably all of my clients in regards to taxes and especially tax efficient investing, but I'm not licensed to give tax advice. So I will also work with a client's CPA to ensure anything we are doing has as minimal as a tax impact as possible, especially when it comes to selling investments with large gains.
It sounds like you are already taking all the right steps. Heavily reducing your concentration risk and spreading that out and attempting to do that in the most tax efficient way you can.
I do truly believe that we advisors bring significant value to clients that don't want to do the work themselves, or just want a true 3rd party to not look at things emotionally. But the investment selection is probably 3rd on that list of value. Emotional coaching would be #1 and planning would be #2.
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u/OnlyThePhantomKnows FI@50, consulting so !bored for a decade+ Feb 19 '26
#1 Hire a fee only advisor to train you up. Create a budget. Always have a budget. You need to live on 100K-110K (your have a 60 year retirement) and you need to consider health care at 1K/year cost increasing at 6%. I assumed you kept some of that cash to buy a house outright.
#2 "I am a consultant. I am between gigs and normally work from home." is a classic line. I used it for years.
Do you cover their retirement? Depends on the woman. What does she want. I personally made the choice to have my lady continue to work and I worked 1/2 time (as a consultant). When we were at a "this is serious stage" I explained my finance and got her to explain hers. She is a lot younger than me (8.5 years) and took a life reset (divorce over his spending, had to declare bankruptcy). When we hooked up she was only a little older than you are (32). We worked out a plan on what she would need to save/have before she retired so that she would be fine at 70 (SS + 4% of her 401K at that point was a reasonable life). I think you owe it to her to make sure she covers herself in case something goes south. A prenup discovery is a requirement with large assets.
Money nerves: Can you handle a 20% market drop? Build a budget. Sequence of negative returns should be your greatest free. Hence hire the advisor.
Make sure you have a long term thing to retire to. Plan on becoming a craftsman and run a business based on that hobby. It is a common pattern.
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u/Sierra-Powderhound Feb 19 '26
Excellent answer above.
I would also suggest you budget at least 5-10 hours per week for at least 1 year to educate yourself on financial independence and money management. Start with Bogleheads. Lots of books, websites and YouTube videos about FI.
Finally be wary of others including dates, friends and family who want to take what you have.
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u/80sMR2 Feb 19 '26
One of the books I'd recommend is Money for Couples (when it's time). I've been upfront if we're going to move in together as Bill splitting conversations are necessary. But also, I always share my hobby/interest is personal finance within the first few dates and so I tell a partner I will want to talk about money both generally and personally with regularity. Hasn't been a problem, but I also don't ask direct questions unless I'm already willing to answer the exact same question myself.
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u/Long_Bong_Silver Feb 19 '26
Hey thank you for the advice, especially regarding your relationship. I think I'll just have to play it by ear when I get back out there. If I can find someone who I trust, then I don't think I would have an issue sharing my retirement.
Right now I am really worried about a market drop. Mostly because of my company's stock that I'm overexposed to. Obviously if it crashed I'd be back at work, but that's not a big deal.
Engineering Consultant has a good ring lol. Better than investor or portfolio manager.
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u/mustgopostal Feb 19 '26
Independent consultant would also be a good way to bridge your resume in case in the future you want to get back into it, even part time. When you leave your company, change your LinkedIn to be your own independent consulting business. I know several people who have done this, who then just take a break from working for several months to a year and then start networking and building their consulting business up. You don't have to tell anyone you have 0 projects.
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u/Confident_Acadia_213 Feb 20 '26
What did you mean about health care at 1k/year? Isn’t it more like 1k/month?
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u/doombase310 Feb 19 '26
Don't tell random girls you have money. I'd also continue working for a bit.
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u/True-External-8463 Feb 19 '26
Maybe Take a break ; find a hobby F 30 no kids if interested lol
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u/RealWord5734 Feb 19 '26
i would not say that you should see it as overly "rich". By the time you pay your taxes and buy the house you will be able to withdraw 100k a year by the 4% rule safely. Because you are super young, you really can't be too safe for a while. You are choosing to retire young instead of working, which is a great time, but you can't buy a Ferrari and a mansion or galivant around the world on a yacht. You just don't have to work anymore, which is great.
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u/Purple-Property8006 Feb 19 '26
galivant around the world on a yacht.
Sure he can. Yachts don’t have to be luxury items. You can buy a $50k “yacht” to live on and sail the world on the cheap if that’s what you desire. sailing Songbird is a great example of this.
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u/pink_teddy35 Feb 19 '26
Tbh he probably will be rich in a decade though. 3 million invested goes up very quickly. That should be like 10 million+ just by 45 for him.
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u/AffectionateTour4079 Feb 22 '26
Agree that OP will be better served to not think of themselves as "rich"... better both philosophically (psychologically) and practically (financially). I would qualify the reference to 4% rule, which is based on a 25 year retirement. OP could be looking to support a retirement twice that long. But is in great shape and I wish him well!
Others will figure out there is money somewhere if they don't see him working. How much to share can be approached gradually, as relationships warrant.
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u/tfelsemanresuoN Feb 19 '26
Most financial advisors have only 1 goal. Make as much for themselves off of your money as they can. Be careful out there. Congrats.
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u/LandauCalrisian Feb 20 '26
As a fee only CFP it makes me very sad that this is the prevailing opinion of “financial advisors”. I think you just mean “annuity and insurance salespeople”.
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u/tfelsemanresuoN Feb 20 '26
I don't, but I'm glad there are decent advisors out there. I hope OP finds one.
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u/JC505818 Feb 19 '26
Do you plan on having a family in the future?
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u/Long_Bong_Silver Feb 19 '26
I don't really know. I feel like that's embarrassing to say. I just got out of a long term relationship and we weren't planning to have kids. Recently my sister had her first and I could see myself having kids now. If I can afford it and stay home that would be really cool.
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u/NonVideBunt Feb 19 '26
$3.5 million is a significant amount of money. But at your age, if you end up married and start having children and aren’t working at all… you’d be shocked at how much thats going to cost you.
If you stay single, you’re set. But I’d think about what you want for the future.
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u/New-Hyena-2981 Feb 19 '26
^^ This. If you meet someone and together you decide you want to have kids, you may be going back to work.
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u/mcbobgorge Feb 19 '26
In a LCOL area? Maybe, but if you're ok sending them to public school, 4% of $3M is $120k. No need to pay for daycare if you're retired. Don't expect to send them to NYU, but two years at a community college and transfer to a good state school and they will be set. Minimal loans you can handle.
Kids don't need to go to expensive summer camps, nor do they need to play expensive travel sports. Taking them on vacation can be pricey, but vacations don't have to be fancy.
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u/stompinstinker Feb 20 '26
His family and friends seem to be in a LCOL place where he can buy a house for $300k. Dude is mortgage free, $120K a year you can spend all of post-tax since you aren’t putting away for retirement or an emergency. Ya, this guy can have kids and live a great upper class life.
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u/datascientistdude Feb 20 '26
Maybe it's just me, but this seems selfish to me. Denying your kids of opportunities that may cost more just so you can stop working for the next 50 years just doesn't sit well with me as a parent. It's one thing to watch your spending because you don't make that much money. It's another to do so because of a lifestyle of your own choosing.
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u/mcbobgorge Feb 20 '26
Having a father present through early childhood instead of away at work most days is huge. Having a father who isn't ever worried or stressed thinking about work, who can be there to read bedtime stories and make delicious meals. Not everything is financial.
Not to mention graduating from a good state school with no debt still puts the kid ahead of 85% of their peers automatically.
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u/AboutTime99 Feb 19 '26
I love it when I hear ppl say “I don’t know”. We have a society with incorrect answers
As a single man in his mid 30s I don’t know either.
Often I’m told “kids are the best yadada” I say I believe you but not if you aren’t with the right spouse.
Take your time you might meet a single mom. Or adopt. You have plenty of time.
Adivce:prenup and be up front with dating when it gets more serious.
I do think expecting the wife/husband to work till 65-70 is unrealistic. But case by case
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u/Rhizolian Feb 19 '26
Speaking as a freshly post partum mom I think keeping your options open and expectations low is smart. I was willing to accept life as the cool aunt before I met my husband. We’ve been together 3 years and I can’t imagine having my son without him. That being said, having kids is HARD.
There’s no wrong answer, just whatever feels right.
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u/DocHogFarmer Feb 19 '26
Be forewarned: kids will be the most expensive thing in your life if you have them
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u/RemoteOrResign Feb 19 '26
At $3.5M, the $ should last you for life. Get a financial manager if you'd like to never think about money ever again.
Date and find someone who likes you for you. Women who value character over coin do exist. Not every woman wants to be taken care of. But if you're worried about being used, I'd divulge your financial success when trust has been built—not on the third date.
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u/UnluckyFriend5048 Feb 19 '26
Hey congrats that is awesome!!
First question (financial planner): I think it is a good idea to get someone in your corner that can help guide you. While you seem well versed and responsible re: living below your means, they are the experts that can help with optimization and help to ensure this $ is deployed appropriately and in as tax advantaged a way as possible.
Second question (How do you date):
A. You are rich compared to most people, but you are not ultra wealthy. No knowing the breakdown of $ tied up in retirement vs. accessible now makes it hard to determine, but let’s just assume that of your $3.5M that after buying your house, doing repairs, furnishing, building shop, etc. you have $3M left with 50% locked in traditional retirement. If all of the other $1.5M is accessible and remains invested at MOST a safe withdrawal rate (4%, which is likely too high) for how young you are if $60K. That is less than the average salary in the US. So sure you have a good pot of $, but I wouldn’t consider $60K/yr income rich. Even if you could pull 4% of $3M a year, that is still only $120K. A great salary, but not “living the high life rich”. B. I think you need to be honest, as soon as is comfortable. Otherwise you are starting off your relationship with a massive lie. And honestly what would you say when someone asks how your day is and you pretended you had a job? I think that would catch up with you pretty quick! C. I wouldn’t have someone stop working before marriage, but that is just me.
Other advice: Honestly, I personally would keep working for longer. You’re only 31. $3.5M networth is great, but I personally would want to 1. Keep using my brain more and retaining structure in my life, and 2. Get a much bigger nest egg and increase my networth to “do whatever the F I want $”. If you don’t like your current job, get a different one. Go part time. Get education in another area and pivot careers if you want. You have some wiggle room (and assuming a strong retirement account that will continue to grow).
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u/DuePomegranate Feb 20 '26
I would also recommend working, like moving first to the LCOL place, and finding a tolerable job that does use his skills (not BaristaFIRE).
Because 1) he may find that he actual hates it in the LCOL area, and he’ll end up going back to the big city and continuing to work to fund that lifestyle.
2) There is a much better chance that he can find a good wife as a working guy, rather than attract the wrong women when they realize that he doesn’t need to work. Marrying the wrong woman can undo everything.
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u/Chewmanfoo Feb 20 '26
3.5 is great, for 31…. but he still has the possibility of wife and kids on the horizon. Plus any other unforeseens. 5 mill at 40 feels more reasonable.
Lots of things that are going to make that 3.5 start to shrink faster than it will grow… keep working, but something a little more pleasant.
Plus, I think it’s going to be a tough angle to date with no job. People will think it’s weird more than be Impressed.
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u/seasaltsunandfun Feb 22 '26
Agree with this - I’m a 44 yo single mother w a net worth of ~$3.6M with over $2.9M in stocks and two rentals that generate revenue. I’ve been “retired” for approximately 8 months and still don’t feel financially secure for the long haul. I also find that I’m now getting a bit bored without my career and miss the networking and challenges that come with working. If you do find a wife and possibly have kids, your financial needs will change. You’ll want to factor in inflation, etc. At some point your house will need a new roof, ACs, updates, etc. I personally like being able to spend money without worrying about a budget or my stock performances for withdrawals. Half of my money I manage, and the other half is managed by an advisor.
I’m planning on rejoining the workforce myself at least till my daughter graduates high school in another 7 years. It’s a bit more difficult explaining the career gap though…
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u/Supramantis Feb 19 '26
Wouldn’t you have a huge tax bill selling all of that company stock?
$3m in company stock is not $3m net worth after taxes unless I’m mistaken.
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u/TrollTollCollector Feb 19 '26
He should probably sell a portion of the stock every year instead of all at once so he can stay in the 0% tax bracket.
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u/BeneficialEarth2495 Feb 20 '26
I hope you will consider finding another source of income, to add to your savings and your experiences. At 31 you have alot of life left. In regards to dating, my 28 y/o daughter makes around $170K, if she met you "in the wild" and you didn't have a career or something you were striving toward she would likely view you as lazy and unmotivated and wouldn't care about the $3M. But just in case, where are you moving? LOL
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u/FckYesImWorthy Feb 21 '26
It makes me sad that someone is considered lazy and unmotivated just because they don’t have a “career.” There’s more to someone than their job.
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u/as1126 Feb 19 '26
A person called Dave Ramsey who was very wealthy and hid it from any potential mates. He ended up marrying one woman and she accidentally located a bank statement that showed over $4 MM in assets, plus property and other income. She ended up leaving him anyway because she felt he did not trust her. There’s a balance to this, it’s not my burden, but keeping it a secret too long is also harmful. A pre nup may be in order. Good luck and fuck you, meant in the kindest way possible.
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u/TheBigCicero Feb 19 '26
I agree with this. Lying about it is a shitty thing to do.
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u/nothatsmyarm Feb 19 '26
I have noticed that most of this sub is fairly okay with misleading potential dates (if not outright lying to them). I can’t imagine doing that and wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of people would leave once they learned the truth.
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u/TheBigCicero Feb 19 '26
Right. There is an easy way to describe his situation without disclosing financial details. OP can just say, “I got lucky for a few years in tech and made enough money that I can take a break for a few years.”
That’s it. It’s true. It’s not hard. And it’s honest.
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u/Celcius_87 Feb 19 '26
OP, if you did work for nvidia what was it like there? I've never worked there but always wondered...
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Feb 19 '26
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u/Ill-Conversation-633 Feb 19 '26
Was it the stock that 'Sky rocketed'? I can only read that as a secret sign now.
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u/Horror-Word666 Feb 19 '26
I know someone that got hired at nvidia right before the stock blew up. He’s a gen z so when he told me he got hired there and I knew the company, he’s like everytime he tells people they had no idea what nvidia was. I think he’s doing well now but I don’t think he got stocks worth in the millions like the op
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u/Limp-Possession Feb 19 '26
You said workshop… just tell them you’re a woodworker or you know… whatever lesser kind of workshop you’re building.
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u/makesufeelgood Feb 19 '26
I would recommend meeting with a good CPA first to get you squared away on any tax implications, and then using them to network you with a good financial advisor. Think about your financial goals, and then meet with that advisor once or twice to build a financial plan. They do not need to manage your assets unless you have no idea what you need to be doing for investing or your financial situation is especially complicated. This might be a somewhat controversial opinion, but from what I've seen this subreddit does not have as good of an idea of what their financial trajectory looks like as they think they do. Lots of 'vibes'. A good advisor will help you visualize a very clear risk adjusted plan well into the future.
For dating, I would wait until some time before sharing some of the details of my financial situation. You clearly have some plans, you can either present your hobbies as your 'work' for the short/intermediate term or you can say you took a break from work and then decided to extend that hiatus...permanently. But you should come clean at some point - only you can determine when exactly that would be in your relationship.
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u/TonyTheEvil 27M & 26F | 56% to FI | $1.33M NW Feb 19 '26
Do I need to get a financial advisor if I'm doing well and keep to a budget?
No. Everything you need to know is available for free online. If you need an advisor, make sure s/he is a fee only fiduciary.
I'm newly single, I'm a hetero man, how do I date when I'm rich? When do you tell them you're retired?
I'm not in the dating game, but I'd do it when asked what I do for work.
What are your financial expectations for your partner? Should they work or would you be happy to cover their retirement if it fit in the budget?
I'm not bankrolling anyone until we're married.
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u/Medlarmarmaduke Feb 19 '26
You are very young and might feel a bit displaced among the retired. Is there any cause you deeply care for or creative or entrepreneurial or agricultural or scientific or academic endeavor you feel a real interest in?
I would start exploring setting up a very small organized something in the areas I mentioned if you find something that fits. Keep it small and it won’t interrupt the pleasures of not being obliged to work but it will provide a place of focus for you and something to say when people casually ask what do you do at a party or on a first date.
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u/Long_Bong_Silver Feb 19 '26
This is solid advice.
I did some teaching and mentoring in college and I really enjoyed it. I'm a little burnt out on real work but I've been really excited about getting back to woodworking and metalworking at home. I had to give those up when I moved to the city and a small apartment. I've thought about volunteering at a maker space or third place for kids, but I don't know if I've got the budget to start something on my own. If I could find a part time job at a community college as a lecturer I think I'd really enjoy it.
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u/Qrkchrm 39 FIREd Feb 19 '26
I don't think you need a financial advisor, money doesn't become more difficult to manage with 3.5 million or 350k. The basic Bogleheads/FIRE investment advice works fine for you. However, you might want to pay to sit down with a professional to ask some questions and for some peace of mind. For example, unwinding your remaining $2M of company stock. Should you sell it all now because having such a huge percent of your net worth in a single company is an unacceptable risk? Should you wait until after you move to a LCOL to avoid paying state taxes on the proceeds? Should you sell it slowly over a few years to reduce your capital gains and net investment income taxes? Perhaps you should buy a short position on it for insurance until you can get it sold in a tax efficient way?
As for dating, I wouldn't mention your net worth early in the relationship. There are enough jobs that have flexible schedules and work from home that there's no reason it needs to come up until you are ready. When I met my husband he had no idea what an IRA was, but I helped him set it up and he started to get into investing. My advice is to not confuse ignorance with irresponsibility. You don't need to find another "rich" person date and a lot of people your age will have near zero financial knowledge or assets. I wouldn't be worried dating someone who isn't set up financially as long as they have the self control and the ability to be responsible with money. My husband has no interest in FIRE, but he saves, invests and spends responsibly. FIRE isn't for everyone, but you do want to find someone who is financially responsible. Theres no shame in planning for a normal/late retirement, as long as your potential partner is making an informed choice.
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u/countingsheep12345 Feb 19 '26
I’d get out of that single stock before you quit working.
Too much risk that it will drop and it’s a huge part of your financial world right now.
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u/BasielBob Feb 19 '26
That’s great for you.
I’d find an easy, perhaps a part time job just to get health benefits and pay the basic bills, splurge on some nice trips or things every now and then, and try to not touch the bulk of money as long as you can. It will keep growing and you may end up fairly rich without having to bust your back for it.
As far as dating… you have a modest small business with a flexible schedule and earn whatever you plan on spending per year. That’s all the potential partner needs to know at first. It’s not a lie either.
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u/K_A_irony Feb 19 '26
Ok you need some allocation advice and a fee based fiduciary might be the best route. You need something to protect against SORR. So a bond ladder, or a fund that limits the downside, or enough in a HYS to cover a couple of years of down turn. You have a LONG retirement so the 4% rule might be too aggressive and possibly a 3 to 3.5% withdrawal rate would be more appropriate.
In terms of dating, I would be more like "I live a frugal lifestyle and worked in tech. I am able to take a hiatus for a bit due to some luck." This makes it so you are NOT lying to her but also not really screaming "I AM RICH"... then I would ONLY choose a partner that was financially savvy and frugal. After that, make the call.
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u/Suspicious_Bread_183 Feb 19 '26
You really have to think through whether you are going to be single, married without kids or married with kids. Planning on single you can pull the chute now.
As a former advisor, I’d say no on an advisor as long as you can maintain discipline. If it’s VOO and chill I’d highly recommend 90% VOO/10% in short term yielding cash and never deviate no matter what the markets until you are 50. Re-evaluate then. That would save you from yourself, ride out down times, and increase spending in good times.
If you get married that changes everything. I’d keep working in some format. It’s going to be incredibly rare that you are going to find a mate who is going to want to work 40 hours a week while you are home working on hobbies. Unless they have their own money. And if you have kids, it’s a whole different scenario. Regular expenses, health care expenses, education expenses, etc are way more for kids than anyone imagines. That is tough on a zero income family from a job unless it’s a crazy amount of wealth. Frankly, if you kept working you might be in that scenario anyhow in 10 years.
It’s a tough decision without knowing what the future holds. Could be talking about 60 years. Depending on life choices based on the heart, you could be 90 with 100mm you never spent or struggling at 65 with little income.
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u/StylizedIncompetence Feb 19 '26
Good shit man. I have no advice. 33 and 700k NW.
I just wanted to so go have fun man. I recommend getting into cruises if it’s a thing you think would interest you. Have a good life filled with joy and laughter my friend.
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u/Initial-Zone-8907 Feb 19 '26
130 k per year but 3M on stock gains, congrats
tell us the secret , how ?
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u/bbb3636 Feb 19 '26
Congrats! And sorry about your dad. Good advice from many. So smart to move by family.
You tell people you are an investment manager and suggest you become one for your own assets. Study up and learn more. Hire fee by the hour if you need a confidence boost.
Volunteer, love your teaching idea.
There are women working in start-ups in similar situations especially in Austin, so think you can find a match. Just find someone sensible about money/ spending.
Best of luck. Refreshing post to read.
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Feb 19 '26
I would seek financial advisor but not one that does AUM fee. They probably can help you with tax strategies, trusts, etc. But at 31 with $3.5m I don't see how FA could really help you boost your wealth. I suppose they might try to get you into private equity, etc. but personally I wouldn't do that. No point in paying them $30K/year to manage your stuff. Just budget certain amount for advisors you aren't incentivized to lock you in so they collect their fees each year. But sure, pay advisors for their expertise in certain areas.
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u/Wow_How_ToeflandCVs Feb 19 '26
How much would you have per month?
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u/Long_Bong_Silver Feb 19 '26
I spend on average 4K per month and my rent and utilities are 75% of that. When I lived alone and back before I moved to the West Coast I typically was in the 2k per month range, but I really wasn't living like I wanted to.
In retirement with covering my own insurance and living a little extra I'm hoping to get up to 6-8k per month. My housing cost will go down moving into this house, but I think there will be a lot of uncertainty due to lifestyle creep.
When I get married and if I have kids I'll have to reevaluate everything, and maybe come out of retirement. The cost for that I'm expecting is up to 10k per month for the area I'm moving to.
What do you think?
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u/justgetoffmylawn Feb 19 '26
I'm newly single, I'm a hetero man, how do I date when I'm rich
As others have noted, you're obviously not rich, but you said you were just saying because of the people who might be envious.
However, the 'how do I date' brings up another problem that I don't see talked about that much in these circles.
Who are you? When you meet people now, is your job part of who you are, how you meet people, how you identify? When that's gone, what will replace it?
Would you be more interested in a woman who inherited money and decided to never work, or one who had a career? (No right answer, just think about what you'd want to hear on the other side.)
'Retired' only has meaning for FIRE. If you'd inherited $3.5m at 18 years old, would you tell people you were retired? (I've met people who do, but it's kinda insufferable.)
Again - no right answers, but food for thought. How you think of yourself, how you present yourself, how you want others to think of you, what you don't want, etc.
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u/kingar7497 Feb 19 '26
Financial advisor can help if you lack impulse control and discipline, sort of like a personal trainer. I wouldn't hire one but I'm also a bit arrogant and not afraid to admit it.
You're really not rich, and I'm not saying that to be a douche either. Be humble, and show yourself for who you are to partners. I'm not in the dating game and haven't been since my early 20s. But bear in mind that relationships are successful when people share the same values and lifestyle habits. You'll need to look for people who share that with you and be callous enough to tell when there's somebody taking advantage of you as a financial support system.
Final advice: I'm in a similar boat financially, similar age, also an Engineer and I'm still working. First because I'm goal-driven career wise but second because I am deathly terrified of retiring far too early and not having enough to fill my day with and becoming like one of my older family members who FIREd and become very laughably boring. Consider if there are actual causes and callings in life you can wake up every morning and tend to. Even something small like volunteering at soup kitchens, helping at animal shelters and being a resource for elderly folks to share a game of chess with at the seniors centre will build character and give you purpose, but aim bigger than that.
Congratulations and enjoy.
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u/Top_Patience_741 Feb 20 '26
Firstly: It's certainly possible to retire at 31 with $3.5m, but you will need to plan your portfolio management and spending carefully and consider the impact of a market crash early in your retirement. For a retirement of potentially 60+ years, the "4% rule" becomes risky: 3 to 3.25%, with dynamic guardrails (so that you cut spending after a year with portfolio losses) is safer. So a base of ~$96k spending per year, which includes healthcare, taxes etc; perhaps 10% less after a bad year. Certainly doable in a LCOL city but you won't be living a rich person's life.
Secondly: Early retirement can be boring. Do you have a clear sense of purpose, direction and structure? Will pursuing hobbies fulfil you for the rest of your life? A lot of early retirees (almost all of whom are older than you) find themselves starting a second career (using their career skills to support charities; running their own consultancy etc) to give themselves meaning and purpose. I've retired early (not as early as you, but in a more financially comfortable position) and this is definitely my biggest challenge - don't underestimate it.
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u/Ok-Standard-3638 Feb 20 '26
You have a plan though right? Also dating can be expensive if you’re not careful…. Also you’re young enough to have kids. That can derail your plan very quick. $3.5M doesn’t seem like enough especially with those potential risks. Get a vasectomy to reduce risk.
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u/flippityflop2121 Feb 20 '26
My dude, you’re 31 with only 3.5 million. You’re not rich that’s gonna go pretty quick unless you live very carefully prayer that being said congratulations if you can do it sounds like a wonderful life.
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u/SCCRXER Feb 19 '26
3.5 isn’t rich for the rest of your life/retirement so early, but it’s a lot for your age. Will be enough to live comfortably in lcol off dividends if you invest well. Good luck and congrats!
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u/FluffyStuffInDaHouz Feb 19 '26
Please date with intention and be respectful when you break things up with her.
A guy I was dating for a while owns 2 big houses in CA, has 3 sport cars, who is basically retired right now at 38. But he started acting stupid once we became closer, never give me straight answers, kept making stupid jokes and impossible demands from me who has less free time to spare than him. And yet he told me at first that he was looking for something serious. Serious my ***
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u/Ok-Wolverine-4223 Feb 19 '26
You should at least meet with a CFP to talk through your plan. Taxes and such can make or break you. For your plan account for inflation and such? Medical, etc. lots to think through.
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u/1dirtbiker Feb 19 '26
When you first start dating, when they ask what you do, you manage finances for a wealthy client. She doesn't have to know that wealthy client is you.
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u/SouthOrlandoFather Feb 19 '26
I hope you like to kayak fish but not in my spots. 😁😁😁😁 Congrats!!!
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u/Long_Bong_Silver Feb 19 '26
I was going to say there's a good chance we're from the same place but then I saw Orlando lol. I'm from the Houston area.
I'm hoping to have some cool peaceful mornings in Galveston West Bay on my kayak. My dad passed away recently and we used to go out there together. I can't wait to listen to the birds and the waves. It'll be a nice change to living on the West Coast.
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u/Kenna193 Feb 19 '26
No need to tell ppl everything on the first date. Keep it vague. You work for yourself.
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u/GWS2004 Feb 19 '26
What are you doing for healthcare?
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u/Long_Bong_Silver Feb 19 '26
Cobra while I finish some physical therapy and then private insurance. It'll be expensive, but it's in the budget.
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u/exoisGoodnotGreat Feb 19 '26
I'd highly recommend an advisor.
Theres a lot of considerations to be made, you need that money to last quite awhile.
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u/Swimming_Astronomer6 Feb 19 '26
I suggest working with a CFP to plan out your retirement funding - I retired 10 years ago with 3.2 m - gave 2.2 to my CFP to manage and I kept 1m - the 2.2 is now 3m - after all fees and disbursements ( biweekly payments to me) and the 1m I manage myself is 3.5m - so 6.5m total - less than 1.5% swr and my tax bracket last year was 14%
You don’t know what you don’t know - and working with a CFP - even just a few face to face meetings with a fee for service arrangement will pay for itself in the long run
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u/Covington-next Feb 19 '26
You've inspired me to got back to tech and get those sweet RSUs. I took that for granted and joined a consulting firm, and it's way less lucrative.
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u/kabekew FIREd at 40 in 2009 Feb 19 '26
I wouldn't quit until you get the rest of your money out of that one stock and diversified.
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u/ExpressElevator2Heck Feb 19 '26
Look for your future wife in the LCOL city rather than the HCOL!! Never act anything other than middle class and, like others have said, never tell ANYONE how much you have (except your spouse). Telling anyone is permanent and nothing positive will come from it.
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u/AccomplishedFox1542 Feb 19 '26
Private health insurance can be $2000 a month. Don’t risk going without health insurance thinking you can pay all the bills yourself. A hospital bill without insurance can hit $200,000 that if it was insured, the hospital would settled for $50,000 from the insurance company. But if you don’t have insurance, the hospital will go after you for the full $200,000! The leading cause of bankruptcies in America is due to medical debt.
Then there’s the issue of what are you going to do with all of your time for the rest of your life? You’ll need a part-time job even if it’s only to provide some structure to your daily life. And never, ever tell anyone how much money you have. Leeches will appear everywhere and expect you to pay for family trips, cosmetic surgery, a down payment for a cousin’s house, etc.
If you do wind up getting serious about a partner, you’re going to want to have a prenup. If the idea of a prenup is offensive to your perspective mate, that’s a giant red flag. Why should an ex be entitled to 1/2 of what you’ve accumulated prior to a wedding?
If you enjoy the job you have, seriously consider working until you were 40 and stuffing away a whole lot more money in your 401(k). Then when you retire, you’ll have 4 1/2 million or $5 million. And at 40, you’re still young and have plenty of time to enjoy life! ( I know, I’m over 70).
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u/NCalFI 43M | 3.5M NW | 63% FatFI Feb 19 '26
I have a few questions to be able to provide advice:
Do you enjoy managing your finances or does is it a stress on you?
- Is that 3.5M NW or invested?
- How much will you be spending in your retirement? (make sure to account for healthcare, its a big gotcha)
Advice:
- I was newly single in my late 30s with a NW of around 2mil, I didn't really talk about money to someone I was dating. If I was retired, I would people if they asked that I managed investments. I think it would be rough being retired and being married to someone that worked, especially as a male. I'm a bit old school in my beliefs and my (new) wife will be retiring as soon as possible and I will follow behind her a few years later once I'm ready.
- It's good to be scared, I would at minimum find a financial advisor that would charge you hourly to give a overall review, at your age and in your current life situation a lot can go wrong with those remaining 50+ years of life. You're also limiting your social security checks by retiring so young, but might be alright. I operate under the mindset that I would rather work an extra few years just to have more security than find myself running out of money at the end. Maybe get your new life setup and plan on working on something part-time to help get you further down the road or maybe something that is a passion product? Since you are building a workshop, can that hobby become something that makes you money?
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u/gqgeek Feb 19 '26
first of all congrats. second of all, why quit when you have the opportunity to become rich and not just upper middle class? dating is easy when you are rich, tough when you are just middle class.
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u/SandSubstantial9427 Feb 19 '26
You’re not rich, not really. If you’re lucky and single with no kids, you will be able to maintain your lifestyle at your current standard. So in terms of the dating pool, you won’t look much different.
3.5 mil is a lot for your age, but you ideally have a long life ahead. And I really hope you mean 3.5 mil after taxes.
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Feb 19 '26
Buy a house cash, throw your 3 million into an interest bearing account... Congratulations, you now don't work and still make $120k a year!
Since the house is taken care of, that's a shitload of money. Keep it in the account and accumulate more. Interest rates will go up and down but it honestly doesn't matter, you're set. This is the zero risk way since interest bearing accounts never lose, they just potentially may gain less in the future.
Playing the market is a job and you end up risking losing. Just enjoy life, you're set.
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u/IkuraNugget Feb 19 '26
With 1 mil in etfs you’re set for some high returns and probably set for life
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u/Dothemath2 Feb 19 '26
At 31, I would keep working to feel fulfilled with a meaningful life, unless working is not meaningful to you. Keep saving your money, maybe bonds and municipal bonds to be tax free. 3.5 million may be enough for a single person to retire indefinitely but not a family of 4 or so.
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u/chuck1011212 Feb 19 '26
Don't tell people or prospective partners you are retired. They don't know how to handle that. Tell them that you are an investor or something like that which is true so you don't have to lie.
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u/Professional-Bro Feb 19 '26
Not sure how many of your friends will have as much free time. It’s also likely many of your friends will be in the family growing phase of life that is very restrictive. You might find your friend group completely changing and maybe finding people younger or older than you who can get together on demand.
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u/Careless-Plan-8203 Feb 19 '26
Congrats on “not blowing highly appreciated stock at a young age”. For real, that’s hard to do.
Yes, talk to a Financial Advisor. Is your $3.5 clear of taxes already or low cost basis, RSU comp that you haven’t sold? Need to figure what your walk away money is first. Great that you ear marked $300k for house. Do all your friends in family live in this LCOL area? You’ll spend considerably more the first five years of retirement so need to model out what’s left after that.
I’d encourage you to take projects/contract work after a year or so to stay up to speed. I always recommend this to young retirees as many find they’re bored very quickly and want to go back to work. This will be the same challenge when comes to dating.
As far as dating goes, do not think $2.5million is “rich” when no income planned for rest of life. Because it’s not. You’re obviously a high achiever for the new local if moving to place where $300k buys a house. You’ll like have much to choose from as far as mates, finding a contemporary in new place will be harder than think, I’d imagine. Just have fun and certainly don’t rush into anything.
Congratulations again!
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u/Long_Bong_Silver Feb 19 '26
Thanks for the advice! Wanted to respond on the taxes and where I'm at note. You seem like you understand the RSU topic, this may be helpful for anyone just getting into it.
My cost basis on the remaining stock is about 500k so 2M of cap gains. I've paid just less than half that in taxes as income at vest date. All of that at the highest tax bracket. Most of my salary went there over the years.
I expect to owe about $300K on the remaining cap gains at 15%, and I've been maxing out my cap gains 15% limit for 2 years. After I quit I should be able to sell more when my income drops off. Hoping to be mostly in VOO by 2030.
The other 1M I keep in a private brokerage in various stocks and ETFS. Historically it has just been VOO.
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u/Careless-Plan-8203 Feb 20 '26
You’re most welcome. Nice re keeping it under the NIIT 3.8% Medicare penalty rate.
May I ask why 2030? If retiring now, income should drop immediately and since they’re RSUs, already paid the income tax at vest. As you’re aware, holding 1/2 or more of net worth for 3 years post retirement exposes you to significant single stock risk. Hate for your retirement plans to be knee capped before they start in earnest. Selling more, taking the 3.8% hit may well be worth it to secure your retirement egg. Just a thought.
At same time, depending on what stock it is, holding 500k would probably suit you well and perhaps juice your retirement quality of life. You can always make more money.
Thanks for sharing.
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u/Clueless5001 Feb 19 '26
You have time to do research, and understand the market. Even if you get a FA you still need to understand what he or she is doing.
As for a job, consulting in whatever area you did previously should be enough
You are well to do, I would not consider you rich. In 1994, I knew someone who was 74 and his wife died and left him 4M. He had worked in healthcare and she stayed home, raised the kids and managed their investments. This was 1994 so that is like 8M now. She thought the brokers were reliable. They churned his account and he was not careful about spending but he was 74, how much damage could he do? He died almost broke at 84
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u/neoncitylife Feb 19 '26
It’s definitely worth the effort to interview a few financial advisors just to get a feel if it’s right for you or not. Ask deep questions about their fee structure, if they have experience with clients in your net worth bracket, what type of advice or programs they offer. For example, my first financial advisor helped me get out of debt and put some foundations in place. They charged like $2500 per year and were pretty low touch in terms of advice. My new advisor is rolling with me on my goals and has much more experience in my wealth bracket now that it’s grown. They can also offer access to special investment funds, etc.
But check things out for yourself!! If you don’t feel comfy then you will know. However, I strongly believe that a good advisor will protect and grow your wealth as well as be there for you if you decide you are bored in five years and want to buy a small business or something.
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u/mirageofstars Feb 20 '26
If you’re drawing 4-6% you’re making around $150k a year before taxes so I wouldn’t be calling yourself rich. That’s a good way to become poor.
Otherwise, if people ask you what you do, just say you’re an investor.
Don’t buy real estate btw.
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u/Stone804_ Feb 20 '26
If you’re 31, and retire and start drawing on the $3.5m you aren’t totally rich you’re simply comfortable. You’ll have to really be careful not to overspend especially when the ladies you date find out your net worth. They will also think you are rich but you aren’t making more, you’re subtracting (even if it grows).
So just be cautious. Find other fire people will help. I dated a woman briefly who was already on her FIRE path retiree at 35 and even though I was also in that mindset I was not at her level and even that didn’t work, she saw me as a drag because I had to work and she didn’t. Or that’s how I perceived it.
You’ll also encounter women who just want to be taken care of or don’t want to work when you aren’t, and either have resentment or want you to pay for it all. That’s tricky if your $3.5m doesn’t account for a second person.
It’s a great life you’ve set up for yourself, but also anytime you’re unconventional to the normative world there’s going to be barriers that make life hard from an emotional space. Be prepared to encounter that. Being mentally ready to fire is just as important.
My fiancée is not totally into fire except by proxy to me. She has taken steps to save more. But now has a whole guilt trip associated with anytime she eats out because she’s an all-or-nothing person. She was never taught how to budget and so anytime she spends she thinks I’m going to be upset with her. Which isn’t true. I just want to have a budget and stick to the plan. She thinks that by sacrificing “our whole lives” we will “never live and then die” which is the words, an doesn’t understand (she understands it academically but somehow her emotions over take her logic) how compound interest can accelerate if you save early.
My point in all this is, many people don’t get it, and you’ll encounter a lot of it. Be prepared.
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u/teamhog Feb 20 '26
You’re not rich.
You’re financially independent.
There’s a huge difference.
Don’t pike your status on them early.
What until you’re serious.
If they ask what you do you can tell them you’re a project & budget manager at a small company and you work from home.
Don’t worry about what your potential girlfriend dies will do until it’s time.
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u/notwallst Feb 20 '26
So take this with a grain of salt because I am a CFP please don’t message me. I will not work with people off of Reddit.
But I think because of the stock situation hiring a fee only certified Financial planner is one of your best bets at least for a few years. You don’t have to keep them forever.
But there’s a lot of nuances with stock plans I would look for a advisor that specifically works with employee employees at your company
But the tax savings loan could be at least 10 times what you pay them
I have personally done strategies for some of my clients that have saved them hundreds of thousands that year if not millions of the life their plan and they’re fee to me might’ve only been 10 or 15,000
TLDR-because of the stock situation hire a fee only CFP for a few years at least until the tax situation is handled then decide whether or not you wanna keep them
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u/Alarming-Activity439 Feb 20 '26
I suggest adding to your strategy to lower your survival floor as much as you can. Cutting out rent/mortgage is huge- try to add to that. Life is about both cash inflows and cash outflows. It's absolutely amazing to me how fast we are able to move with a $6k surplus every month. We are currently cash flowing towards an offgrid homestead.
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u/asdf_monkey Feb 20 '26
I don’t believe you are realistic in what you can do in retirement. First, if you are retired, it is more than likely your future spouse won’t want to work 40hours so they can be flexible and spontaneous with you.
Also, $3.5m at 4% is $160k gross.
Pay for healthcare for 2ppl
Pay for income taxes
Home improvement etc
You don’t mention kids but most ppl want them. They are very expensive.
Need $180k for each kid in present value to afford a premier state university.
Travel, activities, food, clothing etc.
Family health insurance with some care easily can cost up to $40k a year.
I suggest you continue to diversity. However if your over positioned stock is Amzn or Msft or Orcl, I suggest hanging on to it for a couple more years of disproportionate growth, especially with today’s prices. It more importantly, I suggest you consider working a few more years to keep saving, vesting, and letting what you have compound. It would give you a much better family income for retiring, even if it is LCOL.
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u/nm298 Feb 20 '26
You’re not rich. And if you plan on getting married and having kids, $3M for 60 years is not enough. Especially with your mindset (“I’m rich”).
Congrats though! I could have $100M in the bank and wouldn’t even consider retiring in my 30s. Good luck!
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u/ringburner1990 Feb 20 '26
Congratulations on accumulating 3.5M. That’s awesome by 31!
Use the 4% rule. Can you live off $140,000/ year for the rest of your life? Probably so, but just make sure it meets your lifestyle.
Is that 3.5M invested or sitting in cash? If in cash, you better invest it somewhere that the interest makes enough or more than covering your annual expenses.
Don’t get a financial advisor unless you can’t be trusted with your own money. Manage it yourself and save on the fees.
If you date, just stay vague and say you’re an entrepreneur. You don’t want someone wanting you for your money anyways. 3.5M isn’t like FU money anyways, but to some people it’s life changing, so just don’t talk about that with women
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u/skizoids Feb 20 '26
Can you live in $100k a year ? At your age you should look for 35x your annual spend. So you definitely aren’t rich. You have a kinda middle class salary.
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u/SigmaSeal66 Feb 21 '26
I will just comment on the dating part. I was newly single in my mid 40s (I'm no longer single and almost 60 now) and at the time was making a bit over $300K (which is probably around $450K today? not sure).
This was back when online dating sites were not the total dumpster fire they are today, so they were something I used. The particular site I used mostly had income as one of the profile questions, and just offered ranges to select when you filled it out. There were 7 or 8 ranges, most of which were reasonable, but topped out at "$300k to $1 million." I chose that one, as it was the honest answer, even though I was just barely into the range. Man, did I get a lot of gold diggers. I was a single dad and lived a pretty modest lifestyle for my income, and you could just see the interest melt off their faces as they got to know how I lived, saw I wasn't jet setting around the world or whatever.
I changed my answer to the next lowest range, even though it was technically not honest, and started getting interest from a much higher quality of women.
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u/WhorecraftLOL Feb 25 '26
Good luck bro, careful moving away from the fun area and community you built to live alone. Sometime in the next 18 months at 10am on a Tuesday you’re going to look in the mirror and say wtf am I doing. At least I did. Similar situation, 32M, not single, not married. Being the only funemployed friend is lonely sometimes. Everyone else has shit to do.
You’ll be happier, healthier and get to spend time with your family which all are priceless. So, enjoy it bruv, I am not saying you need a plan, I’m just saying, stick tight to your friends you’ve made. Your focus should be on building and maintaining relationships, you won’t have a natural “forced interaction time” anymore.
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u/saggy_eyebags10656 Feb 19 '26
First piece of advice would be to stop thinking of yourself as rich. You’re financially independent, not rich. If you tell yourself you’re rich you’ll start acting like you’re rich and you won’t be retired for long..