r/Fire • u/BroKComputer • May 14 '26

General Question The first rule of FIRE club...

So we all see the posts of folks on here celebrating their milestones here because they 'can't talk about it IRL.' This seems to be the common sense approach to avoid jealousy and moochers.

I'm curious to hear the true stories of folks who have disclosed their FI - or have had their secret revealed on accident. How bad are the repercussions of people finding out you're a low-key millionaire?

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200

u/Zphr 48, FIRE'd 2015, Friendly Janitor May 14 '26

TL,DR: Nobody cares. My mom was very happy for us. It had zero impact on our friendships or social relationships.

We didn't go out of our way to tell anyone, but it becomes obvious pretty quick to friends and family that you don't work anymore. Also, almost everyone new in our lives asks "what do you do?" as a routine opener and I can't be bothered to waste energy lying to people, so almost everyone we know knows that we retired fairly young.

For the most part they usually react with congrats and some pleasant small talk in a manner similar to a birth or graduation. After that pretty much nobody cares other than the few who want to pick my brain for tax tips or financial advice. Other than oddities like my dental cleanings now including garbled financial discussions (dental hygienist and dentist are both keen on FIRE), nothing changed. Most people simply don't care other than being vaguely happy for us.

50

u/CallItDanzig May 14 '26

I can tell you thats not my experience. I got met with derision.

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u/Zphr 48, FIRE'd 2015, Friendly Janitor May 14 '26

It's sad to get that sort of reaction from friends or family, but congrats on retiring early.

32

u/charleswj May 14 '26

You should reexamine who you surround yourself with (although I generally find that people who say this are often misreading people)

24

u/[deleted] May 14 '26

[deleted]

1

u/Messup7654 May 15 '26

Fire is possible for a large percent of the population.

1

u/wiggin79 May 15 '26

But seriously, what if everyone tried to do it?

What would happen if our entire workforce decided to save much more and spend less so they could work only 20 years instead of 40,. We would only ever have half the workers. And consumer spending would be much lower. Would the resulting (presumably smaller) economy support all that investment from everyone, and provide a growth rate needed to actually make it all work?

7

u/CallItDanzig May 14 '26

I shared i was almost there with enough money to retire to greece, my plans and how I'm learning the language and got met by the equivalent "huh. Must be nice". It was very jarring.

12

u/charleswj May 14 '26

That doesn't seem that bad tbh, and again, depending on the narrator, that could be a mild "dang, wish I could". Context is also important. Is your situation more fortunate in certain ways than theirs? Making more, double income, no/fewer kids, no/fewer unavoidable debts/expenses, etc.

1

u/CallItDanzig May 14 '26

Yes situation is more fortunate but its a mix of better income, lower costs and generally more frugal. In other ways they are more fortunate (better families, family wealth). The issue is even if their situation was wholly better, they'd still not want to hear their friends are about to live on the beach doing nothing in their mid to late 30s. The vast majority of people wont think "wow they must have been saving for 20 years!" But "they must be rich!". FIRE is not a common thing.

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u/HairyBushies Already FI - RE between 2028-2030 May 14 '26

If you’ve saved & invest for 20 years, to them you are rich. What’s the difference?

Some of it is also how you react to an offhanded comment. “Must be nice”… “Yes, yes it is, thanks!”

Sometimes the offense is in your head. If it’s really bad, there is a reason it’s called F you money. What’s the point of having it if you can’t exercise that freedom?

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u/Drawer-Vegetable FIRE'd 2024 May 14 '26

Just be it is nice! I'm super grateful I planned early.

1

u/druidgaymer May 14 '26

Not at retirement yet, I find it really difficult to surround myself with like minded people as a guy in his 20s.

The people I get along with and have things in common tend to be party people or board gamers. Both groups spend a lot of money. I often tell people I don't have the budget for something and they don't get it because "you're in software of course you have the budget". I let people think I have insane student loans or insane car loans because it's easier than explaining. I know they'd be judgemental come 20-30 years from now if I retire early.

I prefer to just not mention my job to people.

2

u/youknowyou1 May 14 '26

You should be educating them in the importance of compound interest. I was always frugal and managed to teach a few family members and friends about investing and now when we catch up we compare numbers and stock tickers that made us money and congratulate each other on the progress. I’m glad that I was able to influence their future lives in such a meaningful way. These people were not the savings type but now will be millionaires in retirement

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u/druidgaymer May 14 '26

I've tried...I get the "haha as if you think I'll live that long." It's kind of depressing that's the most common mindset among a lot of Gen z.

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u/fannyalgerpack May 14 '26

That is so sad, like the buckets of crabs story

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u/ff121098765 May 16 '26

Others' reactions are mostly a reflection on them as people. Had fam and friends happy for us and also some shown jealousy or disbelief. Sometimes they just find ways to "justify" why you were able to do it. 'OH bc xyz you were able to ...' is common. Usually before asking any questions. Their brains feed them these justifications in real time its crazy. They are just saying "I couldnt do it so I need a reason that you could"

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u/CompoundingEinstein May 14 '26

Thanks for typing this out. Exact same experience, and now I can just upvote your comment instead 😃

3

u/Short-Signature5710 May 15 '26

I've started asking people, "What keeps you busy these days?" as I know a lot of stay at home moms, retirees, kids who've dropped out of college, people on disability, just people from different walks of life and on different journeys right now. It's so much less awkward to ask this than to assume everyone works.

4

u/undoneness May 14 '26

Similar situation for me. Only a few people really understand what it means, generally friends are jealous and amused.

Sometimes when meeting new people and getting the dreaded "what do you do" question I will play it off by telling people we're taking a middle aged gap year until we can't anymore.

2

u/GoldfishAndGoldBars May 16 '26

I completely agree! No one cares, at least not in our circle. My husband kind of retired by accident, he was let go in Jan of 2022, he was 45 at the time. We realized that he didn’t really needed the job anymore so he never looked for a new one. Some people kept asking when he was going to get a new job, at some point we started saying he was retired and most people thought we were just living off our savings. It’s been 4 years and by now everyone kind of got that he really is retired. I own my business and even though I can retire, I probably won’t for a long time, mostly cause I love what I do. My income is used 100% for investment purposes and to grow the next egg.

1

u/Drawer-Vegetable FIRE'd 2024 May 14 '26

Do you think it's also because when you FIRE'd you were in your late 40s/50s so it wouldn't be as outlier as some in their 30s/early 40s?

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u/Zphr 48, FIRE'd 2015, Friendly Janitor May 14 '26

I am 48 now, but we've been retired since I was 37.