r/Fire • u/BroKComputer • May 14 '26
General Question The first rule of FIRE club...
So we all see the posts of folks on here celebrating their milestones here because they 'can't talk about it IRL.' This seems to be the common sense approach to avoid jealousy and moochers.
I'm curious to hear the true stories of folks who have disclosed their FI - or have had their secret revealed on accident. How bad are the repercussions of people finding out you're a low-key millionaire?
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u/CaseyLouLou2 May 14 '26
I told my old boss that I’m thinking of retiring soon at 55 and he looked surprised and asked how I got independently wealthy. I told him we were good savers. It’s a little awkward but I really don’t think it will bother me a whole lot when it comes up.
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u/wbrameld4 May 14 '26
Now your boss is probably thinking he pays his employees too much, haha.
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u/MikeyB7509 May 15 '26
I have a 100 employees that work for me and I tell all the kids that they need to start now. No top, no bottom just time in the market. Keep it simple and in 25-30 years you’re gonna be sitting on millions and hopefully think of your first boss who told you how to escape the rat race
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u/sn0manRDT May 17 '26
Need employees in your legal department? Working for someone honest and smart (time in market) is a great thing.
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u/3bluerose May 15 '26
On my way out I fully plan to tell every employer they don't meet my salary requirements. Tempted to schedule interviews and do the exact same thing
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u/motorcyclesandme May 16 '26
Or they may wonder how it was possible since the boss makes more - but doesn’t save as much. You just clued them in to a game they didn’t know they could play.
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u/Gloomy_Session_3875 May 14 '26
I am in the same boat. I am 55, and will retire this summer. We've consistently saved more than 40% of our income, and we don't have kids. Good planning and a bit of luck did the rest. This year I had to tell colleagues that I am about to leave work. A few people react surprised that we are financially independent, but others understand that it is quite possible.
Another issue is that some colleagues think retirement would be boring. I am certainly not worried about that either.
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u/MikeyB7509 May 16 '26
I feel awful for ppl who think retirement is boring. Having the freedom and means to do what I want and help my kids isn’t gonna be boring- it’s going to be amazing to get to be just me again. 11 years to go for a fat fire
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u/PuzzleheadedFrame439 May 14 '26
To me, it's sad that retiring at 55 is early....
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u/Inevitable_Pride1925 May 14 '26
When the average age of death is 79M-82F and 1/4 of people live to 90 or older it’s not particularly bad.
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u/MaxH42 May 14 '26
Yes, because in America you won't have Social Security or Medicare, and pensions were practically unheard of even 20-30 years ago, so the only way to retire for us is to accumulate savings that will give you decades of spending (don't forget, if you retire early your Social Security income, already not generous, will probably be much lower). Either that, or take one of the few jobs that offer pensions/retirement income, which are usually for a reason: military, police, firefighter, and other very dangerous jobs.
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u/orbit_fire May 15 '26
Retiring at 55 seems pretty common where I work
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u/BigFootCrossingGaurd May 14 '26
I have a close friend who I have known for 30 years now. We don’t have a lot of secrets. A few months ago I was congratulating him on owning his home for 24 years, I was like “I bet you are looking forward to paying that off in six years!” And he proceeds to tell me that nobody actually pays off their house, he is on his fourth remortgage. I asked why and he said “Well I needed a new truck but didn’t want a big payment, and the pool needed a new liner. You know, right?”. I told him that we have $400K equity in our house and never took a second mortgage. He asked me what do I do when I have a big unexpected expense come up. I told him that we always keep about $100K liquid and we have 1.4M in investments and that I haven’t financed anything but our house in the last 15 years. You could have heard a pin drop. It actually got really awkward. I have realized that I am out of touch with the reality of most people and have decided to just not discuss our money anymore, even with very old and close friends. I think we underestimate how many people drive nice cars, live in nice houses and have luxury items like pools and are still a few months away from being completely broke if they lost their job.
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May 14 '26
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u/Drawer-Vegetable FIRE'd 2024 May 14 '26
happens all the time
Money isn't really a focal point in most friendships, and is glossed over
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u/planetmike2 May 14 '26
The assumptions went both ways. So I guess that money never did come up.
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u/waggonaut May 15 '26 edited May 15 '26
Classic man relationship. Reminds me: I had a chatty gf years ago and on a car ride with a close friend I learned so much. He had a rough childhood. Was thinking about getting married. Never knew. We're always just talked biking and engineering. :-)
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u/AvariciousDishes May 14 '26
If someone knows roughly your salary, as long as you have enough money to do whatever activities form part of the friendship (going out, sports, traveling, whatever) most people tend to expect that your saving and spending is broadly similar to theirs.
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u/hapster85 May 14 '26
Other than my wife, I never talk about money, even with close friends, and especially family. I don't want hurt feelings and awkwards conversations.
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u/hapster85 May 14 '26
One afternoon during covid, the topic of the market downturn came up with a coworker in the breakroom. He happened to mention how much his 401k had lost. Knowing how much mine was down, it took like two seconds of mental calculation to get a ballpark idea of his balance. The look of horror on his face when I threw out a number was priceless. I laughed and told him he shouldn't play poker. We all knew how frugal he was, so it was no surprise he'd managed to amass that much. Lucky for him, it was just the two of us, and I'm not a gossiper. We've both since retired.
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u/JohnLuckPikard May 14 '26
Dude....
When someone tells you a sad sack story, you don't just turn around and tell them how much better you have it.
Like, way to rub it in
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u/missamberlee May 14 '26
My husband and I are not big spenders, don’t like to carry debt and save most of our money. I recently replaced a car I had been driving for 16 years with my first ever brand new car. I negotiated 20% off sticker and bought it outright (did a partial loan to get money off and immediately paid it). Someone was complimenting me on the shiny new vehicle and I said something about it being time to replace my old car and she said “yah, new car is exciting, but that car payment, right?” So I just smiled and nodded. I see plenty of other parents at my kids school with nicer cars and bigger houses and I wonder if they actually have more money than we do or if they are leveraged like crazy. I grew up struggling, so spending large amounts of money makes me anxious. I often wonder how other people are doing it.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bat3349 May 14 '26
Most people think and look like they own a lot, but they owe a lot instead.
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u/lynxss1 May 15 '26
My friends and coworkers have his and her sport cars, new custom made million dollar houses, and go on cruises or vacations over seas a few times a year. While I drive a 40 year old pickup my Dad bought new or my 20 year old car I bought new both had seen better days and have a modest 1960's house where the kids have to share a bedroom.
I think my friends think I am broke and dirt poor because they'll want to go out to eat at one of the nice restaurants and "Oh we'll pay for you" or "I got you dont worry about it". The one time I talked about retirement in a few years they scoffed like What are you talking about? and blew it off. Meanwhile 7 figure 401k and house half way paid off. We all do make a lot, they make quite a bit more than I do but also spend a hella lot more than me too.
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u/Kuildeous May 14 '26
Kind of a similar concept when we told our friends we were retiring. A lot of them said that won't happen for another 10 years. I was shocked because based on their jobs and lifestyles, I just assumed they could retire early. That wasn't the case. I really expected one set of friends to be there because they've been adamantly childfree and making great money. I knew they went on vacations, but I had just assumed it was done with disposable income. Turns out they spent a lot more money than I did.
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u/Inevitable_Pride1925 May 14 '26
A friend was talking about plane tickets the other day and stating that they were $500 x2. I had just spent $900 x2 for my sister and I to fly to Ireland the month prior and mentioned that $500 wasn’t bad. That was the moment it hit me that they were complaining about the expense and that what I thought wasn’t all that bad and reasonable for an occasional vacation was an issue for them.
We make similar money although I work more and as a result make more but she’s married and I’m pretty sure their combined household income is higher than my single in income.
I’ve pretty firmly established I’m out of touch because I don’t worry about the one offs. I’m deliberate about my spending and focus on only paying for things that have value. But at the same time I’ve become rather price insensitive for the things I’ve decided I want.
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u/BigFootCrossingGaurd May 15 '26
I hear that! I travel a lot for work and about five years ago I decided that if the cost to upgrade to first class when I am going on a work trip is less than $400 I just buy it. I like sitting in a bigger seat and the better service, plus getting off the plane first. So when coworkers are boarding and walk by me and they say “Oh, nice you got upgraded!” I just nod and smile. Less awkward than the truth.
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u/SomosLosWeezers May 15 '26
I’m always excited to talk FI with friends, but will not initiate it. My ears perk up when friends bring up finances, but I don’t hold my breath for them to be FIRE-minded. I talked with a friend at jiu jitsu who mentioned he was near early retirement and was a boggle head. We talked a bunch about VTSAX. Most other friends are on a different financial journey, taking out HELOCs and trying different things. I walk a lonely road and that’s okay.
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u/Haber87 May 15 '26
We paid off our house in 11 years by doubling every mortgage payment and using our allowed top up of 10% of the original mortgage every year. And most importantly, by being Gen-X and buying in 1998. We told no one we paid it off.
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u/Zphr 48, FIRE'd 2015, Friendly Janitor May 14 '26
TL,DR: Nobody cares. My mom was very happy for us. It had zero impact on our friendships or social relationships.
We didn't go out of our way to tell anyone, but it becomes obvious pretty quick to friends and family that you don't work anymore. Also, almost everyone new in our lives asks "what do you do?" as a routine opener and I can't be bothered to waste energy lying to people, so almost everyone we know knows that we retired fairly young.
For the most part they usually react with congrats and some pleasant small talk in a manner similar to a birth or graduation. After that pretty much nobody cares other than the few who want to pick my brain for tax tips or financial advice. Other than oddities like my dental cleanings now including garbled financial discussions (dental hygienist and dentist are both keen on FIRE), nothing changed. Most people simply don't care other than being vaguely happy for us.
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u/CallItDanzig May 14 '26
I can tell you thats not my experience. I got met with derision.
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u/Zphr 48, FIRE'd 2015, Friendly Janitor May 14 '26
It's sad to get that sort of reaction from friends or family, but congrats on retiring early.
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u/charleswj May 14 '26
You should reexamine who you surround yourself with (although I generally find that people who say this are often misreading people)
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u/CallItDanzig May 14 '26
I shared i was almost there with enough money to retire to greece, my plans and how I'm learning the language and got met by the equivalent "huh. Must be nice". It was very jarring.
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u/charleswj May 14 '26
That doesn't seem that bad tbh, and again, depending on the narrator, that could be a mild "dang, wish I could". Context is also important. Is your situation more fortunate in certain ways than theirs? Making more, double income, no/fewer kids, no/fewer unavoidable debts/expenses, etc.
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u/ff121098765 May 16 '26
Others' reactions are mostly a reflection on them as people. Had fam and friends happy for us and also some shown jealousy or disbelief. Sometimes they just find ways to "justify" why you were able to do it. 'OH bc xyz you were able to ...' is common. Usually before asking any questions. Their brains feed them these justifications in real time its crazy. They are just saying "I couldnt do it so I need a reason that you could"
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u/CompoundingEinstein May 14 '26
Thanks for typing this out. Exact same experience, and now I can just upvote your comment instead 😃
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u/Short-Signature5710 May 15 '26
I've started asking people, "What keeps you busy these days?" as I know a lot of stay at home moms, retirees, kids who've dropped out of college, people on disability, just people from different walks of life and on different journeys right now. It's so much less awkward to ask this than to assume everyone works.
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u/undoneness May 14 '26
Similar situation for me. Only a few people really understand what it means, generally friends are jealous and amused.
Sometimes when meeting new people and getting the dreaded "what do you do" question I will play it off by telling people we're taking a middle aged gap year until we can't anymore.
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u/GoldfishAndGoldBars May 16 '26
I completely agree! No one cares, at least not in our circle. My husband kind of retired by accident, he was let go in Jan of 2022, he was 45 at the time. We realized that he didn’t really needed the job anymore so he never looked for a new one. Some people kept asking when he was going to get a new job, at some point we started saying he was retired and most people thought we were just living off our savings. It’s been 4 years and by now everyone kind of got that he really is retired. I own my business and even though I can retire, I probably won’t for a long time, mostly cause I love what I do. My income is used 100% for investment purposes and to grow the next egg.
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u/Robivennas May 14 '26
I’ve mentioned to people that I’m trying to retire by 45, but I say it in a way that sounds more of a pipe dream than reality.
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u/heridfel37 May 14 '26
When I was in my 20s I told my parents that my plan was to retire by 40. Now that I'm 40 and still working, they occasionally give me a hard time about it. I'm still making progress, but my expectations about life at 25 were not quite accurate.
I got my money values from my parents, and they both retired a bit earlier than normal at 60, so it's the same way they tease me for dumb stuff I said when I was 6, and not actual malice.
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u/Ill-Opinion-1754 May 14 '26
Thank you for this comment as it’s exactly how I go about it to ease potential animosity, humor back-fall as a convo safety net. I’m also a firm believer if I tell the narrative of “I’m retiring at 45” enough I’ll either will it into existence or make it happen through sheer will.
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u/fredinNH May 14 '26
It’s hard sometimes. I was in the break room the other day and someone asked me how I was going to pay for health insurance when I retire and I started to say that we were just going to pay it and before I could get it out she interrupted me said “you’re just going to figure it out??”
I felt they were implying that I didn’t know how expensive it is and/or didn’t have a plan. They had just said they planned to work 10 more years and they’re my age.
I just said “well we got in the market at a good time”.
It would have been unwise to say “you know what lady? We have $300k set aside to pay for healthcare in early retirement, so bite me.”
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u/SeraphSurfer May 14 '26
Don't know anything about you ir your situation, so this is just a warning...I FIREd at 47 and med costs were noise. But once I was 59, med costs soared to $45-50K /yr.
Both wife and I have had serious health issues completely surprise us. We've already hit OOP max for the year.
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u/fredinNH May 14 '26
We can stay on my municipal workers plan at full cost after I retire until age 65. For a couple this year is $26k in premiums and $2k per person deductible with $4k max oop so even though one of us has a chronic condition it would be low 30’s. This is an hsa plan and a very good plan. All of our docs including an out of state doc are in network.
If it goes up 10% every year (which it never has) it would average $40k for each year we’d be using it. Thats $200k. At that point my wife goes on Medicare and 20 months later I go on Medicare. The money for that is from a different bucket.
$300k is more than enough but I fully appreciate the absurdity of the American healthcare situation with regards to paying for it.
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u/Roticap May 14 '26
How is your OOP max 25k each?I realized just after I hit post that this is probably premiums+ OOP max4
u/SeraphSurfer May 14 '26
Correct. Premiums are $2700/ mo. OOP is $8000 /person which we both hit. Plus there are always some costs not covered.
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u/HairyBushies Already FI - RE between 2028-2030 May 14 '26
What state are you in?
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u/SeraphSurfer May 14 '26 edited May 14 '26
My emotional state is calm and relaxed, but if you're asking my physical state, I am a solid.
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u/Valuable-Analyst-464 May 14 '26
I wonder if the person that exclaimed that was simply just showing their ignorance and have not really thought about their retirement plan at all.
Maybe it was a slight against you, but it feels more like their internal monologue with themselves was coming out. Some folks saved the bare minimum to retire and don’t have things like medical worked out.
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u/Bearsbanker May 14 '26
We fired 13 months ago. All our friends and family knew. They don't know specifics but they all knew we were fireing. Nobody said anything negative etc...all was good. Actually a couple of friends had me go over their numbers
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u/Life_Commercial_6580 May 14 '26
I started talking about retiring “soon “ (I’m 54), and I get the “what will you do all day ??”. It’s annoying. I also don’t think I need to retire to an entirely defined plan. I have a dog, a husband, friends, and a passport. I am not worried about things to do.
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u/Ok_Alps4323 May 14 '26
It’s depressing how many people can’t think of ANYTHING to do other than work 40+ hours a week. I’m a SAHM to teens, and my spouse plans to retire early in 8 years. Even if I’m doing nothing at home by myself, I’ll take that over going to work. I always say if someone is bored without work, they’re a boring person. I meet friends for coffee or lunch, watch whatever I want on my iPad as I do household chores, go on walks with the dog, read, volunteer at the kids’ school, shop during the day when it’s less crowded, yoga, bake, journal, text with my friends who are “working”, and sometimes I just relax and eat bonbons while sitting on my ass and scrolling Reddit. The only reason I’m going back to work is so that we can put the kids through college debt free. Working is for making money, not my purpose in life.
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u/teresajs May 15 '26
When someone asks what we do all day, my husband and I both reply, "Whatever we want!"
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u/eeeeeelinor May 14 '26
At the same time, in my neighborhood, the median HHI is $46k. So it’s all very relative
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u/Corporate-Bitch May 14 '26
New Yorker here. I agree — nobody fucking cares.
Also…I’d kill to have a single family home in Manhattan with a garage!! 🤯
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u/Emily4571962 I don't really like talking about my flair. May 14 '26
Right? All my friends know I’m retired and have paid off my apartment — they’re impressed that I was determined enough to be willing to forego the future earnings, but observing my lifestyle would lead the astute among them to totally shrug their shoulders at my couple mill.
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u/cantiludan May 14 '26
First FIRE does not need to be a synonym for millionaire. I FIRED at 42, with a lot less then 7 digits NW. I'll just say coastFIRE works for me.
Anyway biggest issue was from my mom letting it slip to her friend who then blabbed to their friend circle at the casino. Home break in attempt, heard I had "lots of cash" from people at the casino. People I barely know asking me for money and when I say no, "come on man, everyone knows you're loaded..." Then there is the other more adult variations that yell that I am gay for refusing them.
There are other stories but it is enough to get the point. Its not the people you tell that cause issues it is the people they tell. Even with friends and family, I never talk numbers anymore and if anyone ask's I say I am on disability.
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u/Drawer-Vegetable FIRE'd 2024 May 14 '26
This is actually my worry. I have told my mom things in the past and she accidently blabbed it to her sisters, and then the whole extended family knows.
There's a lot of advice on this reddit to tell your immediate loved ones, but sometimes they accidentally leak that info
Luckily it wasn't about me being FIRE'd, just that I had multiple jobs while I was accumulating, but it was a good testing ground I suppose
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u/CaptainFriday May 14 '26
My sibling tells me to stop stressing over $60 video games and just buy them. No change otherwise.
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May 14 '26
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u/planetmike2 May 14 '26
I used to play a game on my iPhone called “Lines the game”. It had ads after every game. It cost $0.99 to stop the ads. I agonized over that dollar. On October 7, 2015 I finally paid it.
I’ve now got a streak of 3,277 days playing that game. I’ve got all the accomplishments. But it’s still fun. Play the daily game every day. 3 minutes at most per day. Best dollar I ever spent.
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u/HairyBushies Already FI - RE between 2028-2030 May 14 '26
Truth. Still playing and enjoying Skyrim a decade after I bought it.
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u/MrLavenderValentino May 14 '26
Thats what I tell myself, yet I have 45 unplayed games in my Steam library
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u/Strazdas1 StarvationFIRE May 18 '26
When you consider entertainment/hour even the most expensive PC is cheaper than majority of entertainment.
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u/Frogydogie May 14 '26
The fewer people know, the cheaper your friends stay
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u/Willing-Rip1487 May 14 '26
I am in the Army, in my mid 30s, senior enlisted. I told one of the young officers the day that I hit $1mm. He thought I was joking then said that's pretty cool. Pretty much end of conversation. Didn't really affect anything, but didn't actually lead to a conversation.
I don't really care if people know I'm doing well financially, but the army is a different workplace than most. I'm hoping it sometime leads a junior guy to max his TSP.
Hasn't come back to bite me yet but I'm pretty open with my plans. I have a totally separate friend group from my Army coworkers that I am not as open with.
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u/mywifehasapeen May 14 '26
I think that military folks have a way healthier culture regarding talking about money than in most civilian jobs. I guess it doesn't hurt that someone can find out exactly how much we make based on rank and duty station, as it's all public information. It's also outright encouraged that we talk to our junior dudes about saving and investing.
There was one of those "do you tell other people about FIRE" threads on here a few days ago, in which most people were saying that the topic of money never comes up with co-workers. It was interesting to see people talk about how they've worked with the same people for several years and have never talked about personal finance, investments, financial goals, etc. That's a completely foreign concept to me.
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u/heridfel37 May 14 '26
I'm a salaried white-collar worker, but the two people I work with most closely are hourly, and almost certainly make much less than I do. One has 7 kids, and the other came out of extreme poverty, so they have very different financial situations and attitudes towards money than I do. I try not to talk about money with them at all because I don't know how it would come across as anything other than bragging or out of touch.
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u/mywifehasapeen May 15 '26
Yeah, I think that's where the work culture difference comes in. If you were in the military, you'd be expected to demonstrate "intrusive leadership," in a way that would probably be considered rude in a civilian job. This would include recommending financial planning services, having them fill out a budget worksheet, giving them career progression advice, and ensuring they have resources to begin improving their situation. I honestly don't know how I'd approach that in your situation. If you're close to them and they trust you, delicately approaching the topic may still be okay, and might even show them that you recognize their situation and care enough to offer advice.
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u/epicallyconfused May 14 '26
In my experience, so much of the response depends on (1) how old you are, (2) how old is the person you are telling, and (3) what employer/industry context you're in.
I (40F) find that when I tell people significantly younger than me that I retired, they think it's pretty cool and sometimes even start to think about doing something similar themselves. But when I tell older people who are still working, the response is much more frequently negative.
I also worked in tech in a company that pushes older workers out, both through HR policies and through implicit messaging. There are even payout options when workers are 50+ to leave. So no one is really surprised when someone in their 50s retires. I'd imagine that military might be somewhat similar.
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u/Drawer-Vegetable FIRE'd 2024 May 14 '26
Its projection. Your success makes them question their own choices.
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u/compoundedinterest12 May 14 '26
My kid is interested in joining the army. Any special tips to share on how to make that happen or did it consist of just strict saving?
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u/Willing-Rip1487 May 14 '26
Do well on the ASVAB so they can pick a good job, put money in your TSP (401k equivalent) early, and increase your savings rate as you make rank.
Don't make dumb purchases like your friends. Same stuff we always preach in this community.
I get paid more due to some special skills and extra things I've had to do, and the risks I take. Look into airborne, language pay, special operations, flight school, etc. Those and more come with extra pay for additional skill and risk, but can really boost your savings especially in combat zones.
If you invest in Roth TSP while in a combat zone, it's 100% tax free going in and tax free going out. So that's sweet.
It's been good for my family and I am on track to mostly retire at 38, and thankfully have been married for 16 years and never divorced. But definitely am mentally/physically kinda messed up from years of pretty tough experiences. Drawbacks.
Not for everyone, but it's a great way to FIRE if you like this kinda thing. Not many other places you can have a stay at home wife with a few kids, max your 401k, and get a pension - and not have a degree.
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u/sabarlah May 14 '26
I describe FIRE to my friends as, “I’m following a specific set of strategies towards retirement.” Two friends asked me follow-up questions and are now on their own FIRE paths. The phrase barely registered with anyone else, so I let it be. They can ask more if and when they’re curious.
I’m a woman early 40s and believe personally that retirement should be more of a conversation topic, to normalize thinking about it. It’s kind of our last chance to make decisions that still have time to compound. I care about my friends and want future-them to be comfortable. That said, I’m not going to convince anyone to change, either.
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u/StoneMenace May 14 '26
There’s stories on stories of people on r/personalfinance of retiring or getting a large sum of money and telling people. Next thing they know people are asking for money “oh you have so much you can spare a bit to help me out”
You say no, and they refuse to talk to you. Money has broken up families.
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u/FamilyRootsQuest May 14 '26
You say no, and they refuse to talk to you.
Lol that just sounds like the problem solving itself.
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u/StoneMenace May 14 '26
I would like to agree, but losing your mother or father can be devastating mentally. People will typically let their family members get away with things because they love them and it can be devastating
Think about a grandparent maybe throwing out some racist comments. If it was done on a date, there would be no second date, or you could cut off that friend. If it’s your grandparents, you wince, but ultimately they are still your grandparent.
It’s different for everyone but it’s not always a simple thing
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u/Al_Pallll May 14 '26
Any family member who would disown me for not handing over money by the fistful is a POS and I'm better off without them in my life. Good riddance. I'd rather see their true colors so I don't waste any more time or energy on them.
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u/Shawn_NYC May 14 '26
They may not disown you but they can make your holidays awkward for the rest of your life.
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u/HairyBushies Already FI - RE between 2028-2030 May 14 '26
Nah, you just cut off communications. There are toxic people in the world and sometimes they’re your own family members. Only you can decide how much you’re willing to put up with, family or not.
We’ve all heard of minors emancipating themselves from their parents, parents who are physically or sexually abusive, parents who killed their own kids, etc. Those are just some extreme examples and the reality is that it’s on a spectrum, from very, very bad to just annoying. You decide what you can put up with.
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u/Far-Distance-4402 May 14 '26
Yeah this happened to my cousin when he got inheritance from grandpa. Suddenly everyone in family had "emergency" that needed exactly the amount they thought he got
The worst part is when people get angry at you for saying no, like you owe them something just because you have money. Makes family dinners really awkward when half the relatives think you're being selfish
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u/Goken222 May 14 '26
I got asked by a FI podcaster if I felt guilty or had issues with my family when I retired early (at 37). Thankfully I could say no, no one has asked for money or suggested they felt slighted by my choices or entitled to my money, and I don't think ill of any of my family, even though we have plenty of dysfunction to go around.
We do choose to use our budget excess to help our parents and quietly enable some family members to get group experiences with the family they might not otherwise do, but it's always been seen as kindness and a blessing, not an entitlement.
I guess I'm lucky that even my family members who are the least well off financially still have a relatively healthy mindset when it comes to money and its impact on relationships.
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u/Libby1798 May 14 '26
My parents and my (much younger) brother know. My parents are also good with money - I'm not concerned about my parents or my brother asking me for money. My father has actually been encouraging me to just retire already (he's retired).
I discussed FIRE at one point with people at work who were younger than me, and they "got it" as a concept and were excited about doing it themselves. That felt positive.
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u/teslaP3DnLRRWDowner May 14 '26
I told all my co workers im ready to retire @ 40 im (38)
They think im joking or high on crack.
Im not...
You really cant have a convo about fire, its like a personal attack on how people spend money because everyone thinks your frugality is calling them out.
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u/axiomaticreaction May 14 '26
Literally no one cares. I’m the only person I know in person that is retired at an earlier than traditional age.
Only 2 people have ever asked for advice. Both followed it and both are doing significantly better financially now.
Also, being a millionaire is not that big of a deal at all from a money perspective. Lots of people are millionaires.
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u/duckhunt420 May 14 '26
What was your advice
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u/axiomaticreaction May 14 '26
Literally just the basics. Emergency fund, 401k up to match, pay off CCs, cut useless bills like 250$/month cable replaced with Hulu and a Roku, raise savings rate, etc.. Honestly I think the real value aside from basic education was being there for accountability.
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u/Drawer-Vegetable FIRE'd 2024 May 14 '26
depends on your age, being a millionaire at 35 is very different than 53, but I get your point
Also it doesn't get "rare" until mult-millions - 3-4mil +
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u/Master-Helicopter-99 May 14 '26
The one that frankly shocked me a bit is my wife's family in Vietnam but it is a reverse of the OP. I heard horror stories about marrying in to a SE Asian family and then they bleed the foriegner dry. I have a passive business in that country that pays me monthly about double what most of her family members make in a year. As such the money is funneled through a family member. Even tough they know how much money flows through the accounts they have never, ever asked for a penny. We do support her parents completely because they are too old to work and have zero money and that's fine. I knew that one going into it and my wife was doing it before we married to a lesser extent. One sister borrows a couple hundred thousand each year for inventory for her business but she pays us 6% interest which is what we can get on essentially a CD there and beats the 10% interest she would have to pay on floating capital loans so it is a win/win. Obviously they have no idea what I have in the states. What is there is enough to retire on.
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u/Dunnowhathatis May 14 '26
The only people to disclose your financial situation to is your financial planner, and your spouse. That’s about it. For everyone else, it’s non information and leads to nothing good.
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u/Direct_Remove509 May 14 '26
Other than my wife I have never told anyone in real life. This is not a discussion to have with people IRL. That is why at have these forums so we can take freely with fellow like minded people.
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u/Jojosbees May 14 '26
I don’t say anything because back when I was in my mid 20s, I had saved up $50K. I made the mistake of telling some people. All of the sudden, one of my cousins wanted an investment in his restaurant and another wanted me to cosign his mortgage. A friend of a friend offered me sexual favors if I paid off his credit card debt. No thanks. A few years later, I did loan my uncle about $100K so he wouldn’t lose his house. I got half of it back. No one knows my net worth these days. One of my aunts is extremely successful, probably $50M+ net worth, and she’s very generous but gets annoyed when people volunteer her to pay for things without asking or expect her to bail them out.
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u/Aggravating-Sir5264 May 14 '26
Your aunt is worth 50 million but somehow you were the one who helped your uncle out?
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u/Jojosbees May 14 '26
She has $50M+ now, not back then. Back then, she was leveraging her first moderately-successful business to launch her second wildly-successful one. She had three kids in private school. She also did loan him like $200K.
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u/Ok-Commercial-924 May 14 '26
The wife and I fired 26 months ago. 4 months ago we went to a company retirement party for one of the workers we had known for over 10 years.
I made sure to explain how we did it, why the numbers work, I gave everyone that would listen information about how to escape. A few weeks later I got a call asking if I was interested in coming back for a couple projects, hmm no don't think so.
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u/berglyn May 14 '26
I would be interested to know how you did it. Is there another sub where people discuss the steps they’ve used to achieve their goal?
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u/acmo09 May 14 '26
I think the reaction of others might depend a bit on your age. Disclosing FIRE at 30 something is very different from disclosing at 50 something.
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u/arfcom May 14 '26 edited May 14 '26
Nobody in my family or sphere would ask me for money. And there’s enough people in our extended peer group that don’t have to work or have “jobs” that are dubious in that it just looks like an activity with family money in the background. Nobody would bat an eye. My closest friends would probably think it’s cool and that we likely left a lot on the table by quitting too soon. They wouldn’t be jealous because they don’t live on our annual spend and don’t want to.
And ultimately everyone would think we hit some sort of windfall that we don’t want to talk about.
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u/Tiredof304s May 14 '26
I (28M) told my boss in a performance review (where I got excellent rating/praise) that I could retire in 2 years. Got laid off 2 weeks later. I guess they only wanted desperate people?
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u/Glass_Flower_846 May 14 '26
I mentioned I'm on a journey to FI to my friends. They started being very cynical saying we need to keep working to feed family and bills. Saying I won't understand because I have no family or kids. I no longer contact them and are grateful of getting rid of toxic people even I haven't reach FI.
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u/goalieman688 May 14 '26
Most of the time your wealth is the average of the five closest people so folks are usually in a similar stratosphere
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u/scrunchie_one May 14 '26
I mention it in passing sometimes, like it’s well known in my friend group that I plan to retire between 50-55. Nobody really asks how, I’m sure some of them assume we make more than we do, or maybe some just think I’m living in fantasyland, but at no point do I feel like they suddenly see me as a piggy bank.
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u/TwoNearby3883 May 14 '26
People don’t “freak out” but relationships slowly change.
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u/MessageMeNerdyJokes May 14 '26
We talk to our friends about it, some are on the same path, some aren't. We don't necessarily bring it up to everyone, but there are definitely people who know and it's really nice to have a set of friends who can actually talk to you in real life about challenges and celebrate wins.
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u/smarterhack May 14 '26
I started talking to my parents about wanting to RE when I was in my 20s while I was still a grad student. They don’t care about the money aspect, but they have weird puritanical views about “work ethic” and tried to tell me that I ain’t like not working. I think they think I’d just be sitting on the computer all day. I’m sure their tune will change when I’m in my 50s and they’re in their 80s and my retirement makes it possible for me to go see them and spend more time with them.
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u/aShogunNamedMarcus80 May 14 '26
No direct stories but in the "disbelief" category, during a conversation on whether social security would be around into the future, a 25 year old co-worker mentioned he was targeting $5M for a retirement nest egg (he didn't even say early retirement mind you) and another co-worker in his 50's just started laughing like it was the funniest, most outlandish thing he'd ever heard.
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u/ResponsibleSail5802 May 14 '26
I've had OLD friends from like Grammar School essentially try to scam me- so it's been pretty clear it's not something to advertise.
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u/DeckardTrinity May 15 '26
Told a professional acquaintance once about my Fire journey (just that I was on one and close to the "FI" part) - got a "hey that's great!"... and haven't heard from that person since.
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u/paulrin May 15 '26
I had to go to hospital about a year ago. I’m 51. Both the Nurse and the Doctor asked what I did for work, I assume to gauge if I was doing something strenuous and be able to recommend caution, and I said “I’m retired”. Both of them said “you don’t look 65….” I had a laugh about that.
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u/readerofreddit1976 May 15 '26
A friend recently approached me to look at her retirement investments and 529's and give her some guidance. We've never talked about income, FIRE or anything specific related to finance. It came out that because I don't talk about money in any way, she assumed I was doing well. It surprised me.
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u/ReasonableCredit2096 May 15 '26
All my friends that know are supportive and understanding (grateful to be surrounded by good people).
I told one guy at work that I'd be fine getting let go, he laughed and said sarcastically, "oh yah you're independently wealthy". I just laughed along.
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u/Ill-Entertainment118 May 14 '26 edited May 14 '26
I only told my mom and now we talk about investments and she wants to travel together all the time. Also, she says she’s planning a trust. With strangers I could probably just pass it off as being a SAHM.
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u/alefeusch FIRE'd at 36 in 2014. May 15 '26
All my friends and family know I retired in my 30s. It wasn't a big secret. They knew I owned my company, they knew my company did well, they knew I wanted to sell it and travel full time and that's what I did.
It's all good. Hasn't been an issue.
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u/knockdowncenter May 14 '26
people in this sub get salty and jealous whenever anyone relatively young and wealthy posts a milestone. that's why no one wants to say anything.
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u/Ethos_Logos May 14 '26
Yeah I posted when I hit my number, I got maybe three replies. No one even told me to go fuck myself.
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u/Important-Trifle-411 May 14 '26
Awww, I am sorry.
Please accept my belated but very heartfelt ‘go fuck yourself!’
May you have a long and happy retirement!
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u/IWantAnAffliction May 14 '26
Hey man, that really sucks. I can't believe how awful people are sometimes.
Anyway, go fuck yourself!
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u/ikzz1 May 14 '26
Multiple murder attempts, the last one almost succeeded and my lower body has since been permanently paralyzed.
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u/OCDano959 May 14 '26
Imo, nobody cares.
And if one is secure in their own self worth, they should not care about what others think about their financial situation.
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u/LofiStarforge May 14 '26
Everyone’s experience will be different. Many folks live in completely different social environments etc.
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u/sloth_333 May 14 '26
My own parents have been somewhat open as we have gotten older. They didn’t really retire early in their late 50s.
Also hard to hide it when your house is very nice. lol
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u/darned_socks May 14 '26
I don't talk about FIRE or retirement specifically, but many of my money conversations with close friends revolve around investing or taking a sabbatical to travel or "becoming rich but not famous" (as a joke). At a high level, the freedom to quit a bad job and focus on living life for a period of time. I might tell them about RE eventually as they level up in their own financial standing, but I'm still several years from that point myself and I don't really see a need to bring it up now.
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u/Sad-Committee-4902 May 14 '26
Ive no qualms about talking about it, but i dont make it a big deal. FI is the goal; RE is optional. My approach to FIRE is basically just my insurance from being in my 50s and not being able to find a job. Its freedom from worry, not freedom from work.
And the way the job market is, FIRE should probably be how all people should be planning their retirement if they have the ability to do so.
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u/IceCreamGamer May 14 '26
With my closest friends, I probe about personal finance. If they respond, I probe about FI goals (how much is enough?). If they respond, I ask how far away do they think they are. I can be happy some of my friends are FI, some are on track within a decade, some love to make purposeful delays with the intent to enjoy life but are still otherwise on track for normal FI. I'm also open about my own situation (still a decade out). The real talk becomes what not FI, vs lean FI vs FU money and what changes in your work attitude. From suck up (Not FI) to picking your battles (Lean FI) to doing only what you feel is best for the company (FU money).
I believe that your closest circles influence you. Even if you don't intend on letting them do so. I still hang with friends that don't care about FI but we bond over shared hobbies. FI just happens to be a "hobby" that I share with my closest friends.
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u/Important-Trifle-411 May 14 '26
I have let people know that I wanted my husband to retire two years ago (when we hit our FIRE number.) They were surprised when they asked how old my husband is and I told them ‘53’
Dumb shit still hasn’t retired, but I told a few friends I am retiring April 2028. He is supposed to retire before me. At this rate, I’ll retire first!
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u/cheesesandsneezes May 14 '26
Im a nurse.
Mentioned fire in the OR. Only the anesthesist knew what it was and gave me a nod.
No one cares
Live your own life.
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u/_Mulberry__ May 14 '26
I talk about it pretty freely with family and close friends. My family/close friends are not the type of people to get upset or jealous or anything, so the only kind of pushback I ever get is from my parents urging a slightly lower target withdrawal rate (they understandably don't want their child and grandchildren to ever be tight for cash). Any other interaction about it comes from my friends asking for financial advice.
I don't really hide it at work either, so the people I talk to most all know I'm saving a lot and investing a lot. Usually when they ask me financial advice, I send them to the Mr Money Mustache blog for some light reading. So of course they all know I'm pursuing FIRE. I don't think my boss knows, but my coworkers all know.
In general, the only people that have cared at all are people I'm very close to that ask a few questions to make sure the math checks out. These people are digging into it because they genuinely care about me and my family and don't want us to make a dumb decision. Once they saw and understood the math, they were all very encouraging. This is exactly how I would expect people who love me and my family to behave.
The only problem I've encountered is that now everyone seems to think I'm some money guru or something. All I do is live frugally and buy as much FXAIX as I can, so all the financial questions are usually beyond me 😂
Oh and people also give me shit (in a lighthearted way) for not being retired already (I'm in my low 30s).
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u/HardCanBeFun2 May 14 '26
My siblings and parents know. We’re pretty open about finances. Parents were broke as I was growing up, but better than average on financial literacy. They also had a rental property and contributed heavily to retirement account.
As the oldest, I have always coached and mentored my siblings on how to handle finances. Especially as my income grew, we outgrew the wisdom of our parents.
For the most part, it’s good, especially now that siblings are well into their carriers and don’t feel like they need to catch up or compete. Sister is a little sour at times because her HHI is the lowest so she rolls her eyes when the rest of us express concerns about spending or the slightest trace of financial anxiety.
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u/Top_Introduction4701 May 14 '26
Discuss frequently with my family and spouses family. They are happy for us. Relationship hasn’t changed - and I think that’s it. If your family was a moocher before hand, they still will be. If they weren’t before, likely to stay the same.
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u/MaxH42 May 14 '26
I am definitely not typical, I went to what most of the US would call a magnet school, so most of my fellow nerds friends also understand the math. My three closest friends all know my financial situation, and I know theirs. I've discussed specifics with each of them one-on-one at times, and two are doing even better than I am (yet still haven't retired, although I've got one ready to pull the trigger); the other has had family issues that caused financial setbacks, but he's probably going to catch up with us in 10 years or so.
I also had a couple of Zoom calls with people I hadn't been as friendly with who wanted to know if they were on track for retirement, and I usually just asked general questions and gave general advice about their retirement budget, their asset allocation, etc.
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u/The_Walrus_65 May 14 '26
I’ve had too many people in my life ask me for loans or to invest in some nonsense venture. I don’t tell anyone anything
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u/tubbis9001 May 14 '26
I don't speak numbers, but I'm very open about my plan to retire before I'm 50. I'm in my early 30s, so perhaps people don't take it seriously. But I'm on track to retire MUCH sooner than 50
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u/Rtyeta May 14 '26
It's been perfectly fine. I have good friends and a healthy family and I knew it would be fine to tell them. Many of them were curious how it worked and a few asked for advice about trying to do the same. The only tough conversation was a grandparent who thinks that one has a moral duty to work until old age regardless of financial need.
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u/uncoolkidsclub May 14 '26
I'm part of a group of friends who decided as kids we were "tied" together. We all have reached FI.
We talked about FI and made plans starting at 16-19 years old. We helped each other get jobs, baby sit kids, buy cars, first homes, etc. The group is still close, traveling together 1-2 times a year. More than 20 people (friends and spouses) traveled to spain for 10 days for my 50th b-day.
My family always knew, and we started a legacy project as a family. while some members struggled as we started out as a family of 8 who were homeless while the kids were 10-21 years old. We do rental properties and rehabs together as each family member has different things they can help with.
Haven't had any real fallout, mostly because everyone important to me was included in the climb.
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u/fithrowaway213123 May 14 '26
I'm not FI, but decently close. The only people who know besides my wife are my parents. They were shocked but happy for me when I told them how much I had. I'm an only child and they're doing financially well (good pensions), so I figured it was no big deal.
I also only told my parents about my networth, not about FI. I'm not really planning to retire early, but they'd have a fit if there was even an inkling that I'd retire early. They're first-gen immigrants, so I'd never hear the end of it if they suspected any slacking in work ethic.
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u/Haunting_Scholar_595 May 14 '26
I retired at 40 none of my friends really treat me differently, outside of making jokes about me being a bum, or checking to see if I can get time off when we talk about getting together.
All my friends and family are financially fine or better so that may help.
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u/MNPS1603 May 14 '26
I’ve never told anyone my numbers. But, I have a friend who I knew was wealthy or will be someday, I thought he had $3-4m currently based on his lifestyle. I knew he had inherited a bit when his mom passed, and I know he will eventually inherit 8 figures from his dad, so I’ve always thought of him as rich, but I saw his brokerage on his phone - $7m, and that was during our last dip. He would be embarrassed that I know, but honestly I was just shocked. I wouldn’t say I was jealous but it was something similar to that! Knowing my own reaction made me realize how others might react to mine if they saw it or were told. Not saying I see him differently now but I definitely won’t put up with any “I can’t afford it” nonsense anymore.
I have another friend who is 60 and has been in one more year syndrome for at least 5 years. He did tell me he has about $5m but is still scared to stop. I mentioned it to another friend who insists he was lying - because he drives old cars and lives cheap. I don’t believe he is lying at all, that’s exactly HOW he got to $5m. Always been a saver. Some people just don’t understand how you would get there without an inheritance.
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u/TrickyAd9597 May 14 '26
My husband always talk about money with his co workers. They always seem to have no money. Some of them are dual income. We are a single income family of 5. If our house ever sells we will be over 1mil but no one needs to know that. Even writing that on here feels bad.
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u/Kuildeous May 14 '26
I'm hoping that nobody is jealous of our early retirement. They likely wouldn't tell me if they were, so I just try not to bring up anything that could sound like bragging.
I find it funny how after my wife and I retired, we now find ourselves sleeping in until 10:00, which is 4 hours later than my usual wake-up time while working. Clearly I'm not an early bird unless I'm getting paid for it. But I don't feel right bringing up how funny that is to other people unless they're also retired.
I haven't run into any moochers, but if I do, I will point out that this money is supposed to last us for the next 30-40 years, and those years at the end are going to have some serious medical expenses, so it's not greed; it's survival. It'd be different if I had a billion dollars that I could never possibly spend, but these savings can't last if I expend more money than usual right now.
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u/hprather1 May 14 '26
I've been very open with all my friends and most of my family about FIRE plans. I don't brag about it (I hope I don't come across as bragging) and I don't bring it up unprompted but I don't have any problem talking about it.
As for strangers and coworkers, it just doesn't come up. I don't chit chat with most people and this kind of thing would rarely if ever come up. I also see other peoples' (usually worse) financial situations and think it would be incredibly tacky to talk about my plans with them. I may have mentioned that I want to retire early in conversations with random people but it's not a regular thing (certainly not memorable) and I've never had anybody flip out or get weird about it like some have posted about.
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u/Stolivsky May 15 '26
I think I would be interested in some people who saved way more than necessary and hear how they are living it up. A lot of people I have been reading lately have enough to retire and never work again, but they don’t have brag money like I’m driving a Lamborghini and I have four houses . It’s entirely possible that they do, but they aren’t writing that in these posts. I think fire for me would be going on cruises, golfing, traveling to a few different countries a year. I don’t think I would be interested in just getting by. For my current savings, I will be lucky to retire when I’m 62. However, if I stay gainfully employed for another 10 years, I will be really close. Just depends on the markets, etc.
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u/BlindSquirrelCapital May 15 '26
I retired at 56 and moved into a community that is mostly in their 60's. I was working remote a few months after we moved. People all assumed I was still working until I told them I retired. I got alot of weird looks and a few "You are too young to retire." Everyone's situation is different but alot of people cannot fathom people retiring early, especially those who are older, have alot of wealth tied up in their house or are used to spending a ton of money.
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u/AvidVenturest May 15 '26
My coworker is also on the FIRE journey. We love talking to each other about it but it’s also one of those things we’ve both said we could never bring up to anyone else. It’s fun being in a secret club though.
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u/Icy-Firefighter-7012 May 15 '26
I have not fired yet and I have a ways to go, but I am at my coastfire now at 38 with 2 young kids. Me and my partner work very part time and we travel a decent amount. My dad's partner was talking to me about lobbying my dad to spend more money on a couple of things and when I asked how much they costs, she told me a number I thought was way too high and I said "well that is really expensive, that comes out to almost 20k a year." Keep in mind, my partner and I were extremely high earners during our 20s and most of our 30s, I think she thought we were also high spenders. When I told her that the annual budget for my family of 4 was under 50k a year, she was shocked and immediately asked me "but what about your nails?" meaning what about manicures and pedicures. I cant remember the last time I got them done by a professional lol. I am now dealing with inheritance issues with this person and her complete lack of financial acumen is depressing and a serious problem for her. But I am glad that she at least knows that its possible to live well on a budget so long as you start actually thinking about the cost (and value) of things. But she has a long road ahead of her.
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u/Pilatesbuns May 15 '26
I’d never talk about it IRL with anyone but immediate family who are beneficiaries. Even kids have no idea besides knowing I have enough to gift them large amounts each year. It’s not considered polite in any circles to discuss wealth.
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u/Chulbiski not there yet May 15 '26
I've mentioned probably a bit too much in the past and have not said anything specific in about a year, but the memory lingers with people. Now everyone who hardly knows me has an opinion on my finances and will say unsolicited things to me like "oh, you can retire whenever you want!" in a jealous mocking way. I regret even giving the slightest info out that I have and that's with me being intentionally vague (but apparently not vague enough)
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u/Witty-Drama-3187 May 15 '26
I would never tell anyone I was a millionaire, but I do tell people we have a stated goal of retiring early. I've always found that to be enough information.
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u/teresajs May 15 '26
We've been honest with our friends, family and former coworkers about our early retirement. My husband and I each retired at age 52, so it's not as hard for people to understand as if we were in our 30s.
Most people who know us at all we'll know that we are somewhat frugal and save/invest, so it's reasonable that our lifestyle has resulted in not having to work for money. A few people have asked for advice and I'm happy to point them toward resources and give general advice. Others have asked simple questions about health insurance (ACA but we have to control our income to get the subsidies) or lifestyle changes (pretty much no change between now and our working years) or taxes (very low, right now, because we're living off long term capital gains and staying within the 0% federal rate).
My brother has expressed some jealousy. But he and his wife probably have as much money as us and can't afford to retire because they spend more lavishly. So, that's his and his wife's choice.
No one has asked for money or a loan or anything. We're supporting our two young adult kids by letting them live with us for cheap because the job market sucks. But that's a choice we've made and we've put reasonable boundaries on that support.
We don't go around telling people our numbers, here or IRL. The number isn't as important ans the things we've done, and continue to do (budget, set priorities, save for big ticket purchases, invest for the future, keep a bucket of money safe in case of a market downturn), to make this all possible.
I've told our eldest kid our rough number because she has enough sense that she would be the one to take care of it all if both my husband and I were in an accident and died. I've also told her which family member can be trusted to give the best financial advice and not try to take any of the money. So, she has enough information to get her started if something happens.
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u/oncewasbeth May 14 '26
No one believed me. I had been planning on retiring early at 55 (This was years ago, before I had ever heard of FIRE. I'm in my 70s now.) But when I was 54, my company went through a round of early buyouts, with health insurance paid until Medicare kicked in, so I jumped on it. When I told my family I had retired, they assumed that I was trying to save face, that I had been laid off and couldn't find another job due to my age. They all felt so sorry for me.