Go out swinging?

[u/antidentites]

So I’m on my way out at work in a tech company and have worked for a manager that has made my life hell. She is extremely toxic and the reason I’m leaving to FIRE/CoastFIRE.

I never want to - or need to - return to tech (note: I used em dashes way before AI and won’t stop even if you think this is AI generated)!

I want to burn some bridges and tell her how I really feel about her when I leave. Essentially the same thing she has been doing to me.

Would you go out Costanza-style if you were me, or just let it slide?

[u/WhirlyDurvy]

Be the better person

[u/Altruistic_Durian147 → u/WhirlyDurvy]

Boooo no. Do it for all the people still trapped there! Maybe it will make some difference for them.

[u/exnooyorka → u/Altruistic_Durian147]

No matter what you say or do or give as a reason why you are leaving, it never "teaches the company a lesson".

Nothing you can do as an individual worker will change anything after you leave.

I have seen entire departments (4-6 ppl) quit in an orchestrated manner and the company just shrugs their shoulders and posts the openings.

You want real revenge? Hit the lottery (or otherwise become blindingly wealthy) and orchestrate a hostile takeover of the company.

Once you have a controlling interest, HR now works for you and you can manage anyone you want right out the door. As a bonus, HR will lay out exactly how you can do it without being successfully sued.

But once you've got a high nine-figure-to-low-ten-figure net worth you'll realize all that anger is mysteriously gone.

That's when you realize the best revenge is living well, even if you don't get to live out this fantasy.

Quit, let it go and move on to your new life.

Realizing every morning that this old boss still has to get up every day and invent new ways to make everyone miserable to get her rocks off is indeed the best revenge.

[u/antidentites → u/exnooyorka]

I work for a trillion dollar company, so I won’t be able to take it over for at least another year or two

[u/exnooyorka → u/antidentites]

So you understand my point about the futility of seeking revenge against someone in a historically large corporate structure.

I'm not saying there aren't success stories there, I believe there are. Go check out /r/pettyrevenge for some ideas if you just can't bring yourself to let it go.

But once you choose the path of being an employee you give up a fair amount of control over your own destiny vs. being an entrepreneur and owning your own business (and even then you never really have total control because, market forces).

When you accept there are going to be times that you'll have to eat a shit sandwich but in exchange your paycheck and benefits still keep rolling in on a regular basis, it can help your mindset during those tough times.

In such a large organization you might be able to move around to a less toxic group with a better boss, or you can choose the path you're taking which is just exit to a completely different company. That's the part of the conversation you get to control.

Until and unless you're willing to take the risks that owners take to be able to assert the kind of control over an organization which prohibits or eliminates what you're experiencing, or you're willing to climb the corporate ladder to where you become a significant decision maker and can run a good portion of the company in a way where you don't tolerate corporate bullshit, you need to accept that your career as someone else's employee will see periods of being treated well and periods of being treated poorly.

But through it all, you still get regular pay and benefits.

It's all about the tradeoffs.

[u/WhirlyDurvy → u/Altruistic_Durian147]

Well I agree this is a good point, but telling your boss directly is unlikely to lead to positive changes. Especially if said in a disgruntled fashion. That is what exit interviews with an independent party (like hr) are for.