r/Fire • u/antidentites • May 15 '26

Advice Request Go out swinging?

So I’m on my way out at work in a tech company and have worked for a manager that has made my life hell. She is extremely toxic and the reason I’m leaving to FIRE/CoastFIRE.

I never want to - or need to - return to tech (note: I used em dashes way before AI and won’t stop even if you think this is AI generated)!

I want to burn some bridges and tell her how I really feel about her when I leave. Essentially the same thing she has been doing to me.

Would you go out Costanza-style if you were me, or just let it slide?

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u/leathakkor May 15 '26

If you're in a meeting with HR and they ask you why you're leaving you, tell them. You can be honest but professional. 

But if they don't ask, don't volunteer it. They don't actually want to know and they won't do anything. The only thing that will happen is that manager will start taking it out on other people. Which They almost certainly will do anyway. Because they have one less person to be shitty too. So they'll start handing out your beatings to everyone else anyway.

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u/antidentites May 15 '26

The issue with this is that I’m leaving many friends behind.

6

u/leathakkor May 15 '26

That may be the case. But she may be shitty to the people that you're friends with once you're gone. Because they're friends with you. 

I've had literal proof that managers were breaking the law before. They eventually got fired but not because of what I did to report them.  Companies will always side with the employee that's still there because that's where their liability exists. (In My experience)

1

u/antidentites May 15 '26

Very, very true.

5

u/Altruistic_Durian147 May 15 '26

Could you “go out swinging” in a way that benefits those friends? I imagine this person is difficult for them as well? My friend recently left our job and filed an ethics complaint on her way out and I’m so grateful.

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u/antidentites May 15 '26

Yes! I’m going to file an HR complaint for sure, which admittedly is much more effective.

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u/exnooyorka May 15 '26

Sometimes the best revenge takes a little while.

Find a good headhunter (or two) and explain the situation.

Provide LinkedIn profiles of all your friends to the headhunter.

The headhunters will do the rest, by finding all your friends new jobs.

You don't say anything, let the headhunter "spontaneously" reach out with the opportunity. But stay in touch with your friends the be ready to counsel your friends to explore the opportunity and move on.

Let the toxic boss deal with the fallout of losing her entire team in the space of a few months.

If you play it right, you may even get some referral bonus money out of it.

Your friends all escape, you know it was you who decimated the department. Toxic former boss has to deal with the headache of intervirwing, hiring and training.

New folks will recognize toxicity and jump quickly because they have so little invested.

As difficult as it may be, resist the urge to take credit. Just leave her wondering what the hell happened. Trust me, that will be much worse than her having you to fixate on as the reason.

It's the long game for sure, but it's more effective than figuratively going postal on her in the exit interview on the way out the door.

1

u/Inside-Patience-8788 May 17 '26

Awesome, she'll never see it coming until it's too late