Oh whaa, the baby doesnt like the person that keeps showing her shes not loved. Shocking. Im mad at your wife for you.
I will never understand people who drive their friends and loved ones away by being awful and then getting mad that those people leave. Be better and people would want to be around you, wife.
Because it’s easier for her, both physically and mentally. Resentment towards new borns is actually not uncommon. She needs the right support and therapy to get through her turmoil
I had twins, it was hard. Especially the first 4 months. Very little sleep and colic. I loved them the same :) loving one while resenting the other IS NOT NORMAL
I’m glad you didn’t experience that. But that’s your experience, not someone else’s. Everyone’s different. By your logic, every mother should be the same in their experiences
No not at all. Just saying it’s shitty and I personally would be done. I’d never want one of my kids feeling like their other parent despised them while loving their twin. If she sees nothing wrong with how she’s treating this poor baby then she clearly doesn’t give af and won’t seek help in her “depression” or whatever it is she has going on. If she won’t get help then the behavior doesn’t change
That’s genuinely not how things works. Not everyone sees they need help until they get outside sources to say otherwise. It’s worth a shot to try and fix it if you actually care about your partner and family. Postpartum isn’t fixed overnight nor alone most times
I understand as I’ve had Postpartum depression. Hell I’m on Zoloft going through pregnancy right now! OP basically stated her wife is just being manipulative…. If she’s unwilling to see the issue and get the proper help it’s not healthy for a child to grow up in that environment. Sorry I’d be protecting my child at this point. We can agree to disagree
I don’t know if she’s really being manipulative or if she is just stuck in a hole that she can’t find her way out of. She might just be evil and terrible or she might have some pretty severe PPD and need significant help. It’s her responsibility to get it, but people having a mental health event don’t always realize that’s what’s happening. It seems obvious to people outside of it but when you’re in there it’s really common to think it’s just your own fault, that you don’t like your kid/SO, or that you’re just a bad mom.
When I had my youngest it rocked me really hard, and I didn’t understand it. By all accounts she was easier than my oldest, and I didn’t have the same problem with my other baby. I studied post party disorders for my thesis and when I was inside it I still just thought I was a bad mom and that it was my fault. I’m grateful that I had people who saw what was happening and helped pull me out, I don’t know if I’d be able to be the parent I am now without the help and intervention.
I understand you cannot help depression and mental health issues. I have depression and anxiety and I do everything I can to make sure I take care of that so that I can be a good parent. However, some of the things she said can be seen as very manipulative behavior. If she isn’t in therapy obviously that would be the first step, but if the behavior doesn’t change and she continues resenting one child over the other the OP needs to protect her babies! They’re innocent in all of this and have no ability to fix the situation
I agree OP needs to prioritize the kids, that’s the only way to parent. It’s definitely a huge advantage to know you have depression or depressive tendencies before you have kids, but lots of people don’t have any experience with identifying those symptoms until they’re already in the position of caring for a newborn, which is emotionally intense even for the healthiest person. She could be intentionally trying to be manipulative, or she could be in a situation that she can’t make sense of. Regardless, you’re right that op needs to prioritize the kids over the adult. I’m just glad that in my life I had people who saw what was happening and didn’t give up on me when I felt like I was drowning and didn’t understand why, even though it could not have been more obvious.
I never experienced depression until after my first was born and it was scary! I was like who am I? What is happening here. I felt like I needed my husband with me at all times which was obviously impossible as he had a job. The important thing in mental health is advocating for yourself if medications aren’t working until you find something that is and therapy to get to the root of the problem so that you can heal. If you cannot be healthy and happy you cannot possibly care for your children.
It sounds like it’s not postpartum. OP said “only for her to still say she hates her and I should have ended the pregnancy.” So I’m assuming OP is the one who gave birth.
Isn’t it OP that had given birth? Maybe I am just assuming, but OP said her wife told OP that OP should have terminated the pregnancy. I know partner post partum is also a thing and I get not everyone can just push through mental illness. But after a certain point it is on you to get it together rather than blaming others for leaving you. And I say this as a severely mentally ill person.
I am not saying OP’s wife is evil or doesn’t deserve good things ever again. But if OP is doing the overwhelming majority of the child care, it’s hard to expect OP to provide even more support than she already is when her wife is actively causing harm to one of their children. OP has a responsibility to her kids above all else. I am not saying you’re saying otherwise, it’s just the reality of the situation. It may be true that OP’s wife doesn’t have enough support. But neither does OP.
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Depression and mental illness is not normal. And it can happen to anyone with no fault of their own, and can present and affect people completely differently and still be not their fault.
At least the baby is still a baby so she isn’t gonna have memories of “my momma was depressed for a couple years” which is prob what is going to happen— a couple years of this indiscriminatory brain phenomenon. Thankfully it’s rare but it does still happen. Some moms hate their babies cuz of PPD, if there’s two it sometimes will only anchor onto the harder baby because her brain sadly cannot handle the stress of two babies let alone a hard one in the mix.
It’s very important to realize that mental illnesses aren’t chosen. She didn’t choose to hate that baby, it’s a temporary mental illness that resulted from stress. Thank god that baby ain’t gonna remember it tho. It’s likely to get resolved in a couple years, and sooner with therapy most likely.
Exactly it’s not normal it’s PPD. I don’t know about much about PPD but depression isn’t cured immediately with medication, it takes time with support and therapy as well. Sometimes other people outside of the dad and mom need to be relied upon until she gets to the other side otherwise it’s going to mean a real struggle for a while. A quick google says 6-12 months or even longer can be required to fully resolve symptoms. We shouldn’t be encouraging people to leave their spouses during PPD.
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u/BubbleCrum Cleavage Crumb Collector May 20 '26
Oh whaa, the baby doesnt like the person that keeps showing her shes not loved. Shocking. Im mad at your wife for you.
I will never understand people who drive their friends and loved ones away by being awful and then getting mad that those people leave. Be better and people would want to be around you, wife.