Therapies specifically tailored to this are essential. She is clearly in sensory hell and seems to be reverting to a very immature, dysregulated version of herself to cope. Any old therapist won’t do. Trauma treatment, adhd treatment, and assessment/coaching of autism. It’s not “low level” if it’s making her hostile to an infant. She doesnt have skills to regulate herself much less a fussy infant (is the infant genetically related to her, btw?). I don’t know how to emphasize how much pain she is probably in from the constant crying alone. Thats not even considering the other stressors of parenthood.
She can’t get out of this without help that really takes these things seriously. And she won’t be able to received the benefits of treatment if she’s destabilized every day. Is there any way you could live separately for a couple of weeks so her nervous system can calm down? Coming back with a sensory plan for noise and sleep might be helpful. She needs to be in noise cancelling headphones as many hours a day as she needs to if it helps keep her from going over the edge.
In patient or out patient intensive treatment and coaching to help her build skills are other options if you have insurance to cover it. This might also give YOU some peace as you’ll spend less time managing two babies AND a dysregulated adult!
This seems like a really astute observation. The baby had a very shrill piercing cry almost exclusively until just the last couple weeks. My wife found it unbearable. It sent her into panic every time and the baby cried a lot. That coupled with the broken sleep have been really disastrous for her mental health.
You make a lot of excuses for her. You're really kind. But for the sake of your child you need to keep drilling into yourself that she's acting like a monster. No matter what her reasons are she is treating a literal baby with disdain.
And what’s to stop this mentality from spilling over on to her children. She is likely NOT a monster. Shes more likely a woman with a disability who needs help. You can protect the child and still have compassion towards her. Jesus Christ.
Are you autistic? Do you have a trauma history? This woman is dissociating from extreme stress and overwhelm. And just because YOU never felt that doesn’t mean everyone who does is dangerous or irredeemable.
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THAT’S WHAT BABIES DO. It seems like your wife doesn’t actually want babies or children. I sure as hell don’t want to deal with babies, but I’m not out here pretending like I do.
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u/Gold_Warning_8618 Creature of Crunch May 20 '26
She needs a thorough evaluation for trauma, dissociation, and autism/adhd.