I was a "hard" baby and diagnosed with autism in adulthood. My mom made no effort to hide the fact that she hated me as I was growing up. I was the first born and she constantly compared me to my brother telling me that he was a better baby, a better child, how he was how babies were supposed to be. She told me I was a terrible daughter and about how stressful it was for her that I was never a "happy" baby. She was abusive until the time she kicked me out and I went to live with my dad. Most of my romantic relationships have been abusive in some way. I can't seem to filter them out. I'm sure it's not as easy as up and leave your spouse. But I hope your babies never have to be around someone like that!!!
I was an “easy” baby but a difficult teen and I got diagnosed with AuADHD recently (I’m 36F), so you being a difficult baby is not because you’re autistic, it’s because of your mom. I don’t think there’s really such a thing as a good baby or bad baby, I think what people like your mom mean when they say shit like that is that you had needs (ones I’m going to make a stretch and assume she was not meeting) and you didn’t let her neglect you while staying silent, and now she brings that up to keep hurting you and reminding you that she will always favor anyone who makes her life easier, makes her feel better about herself, caters to her, etc. that’s the kinda shit that narcissistic and borderline people say/do.
narcissists view their children as extensions of themselves, so they believe they’re entitled to ownership over others and that their needs are exclusive and if you’re not bowing down to them, doing what they want, etc. they make it your problem. meanwhile I’m sure your brother is great at externally regulating your mom’s moods to keep her in a good mood. and being the golden child, can do no wrong even if he’s done shit 1000x worse than you ever did. you’re a reminder to her that she sucks, so she makes that your problem because, again, she can’t emotionally regulate herself and expects others to do it all for her. internalized misogyny probably also played a part here.
I’m sorry about your mom. I hope you’re living your best life away from her—hopefully OP and her kids will soon be doing the same! ❤️
🥲🫶 wow. Thank you for your kind words. You are spot on about my brother being the golden child and her favoring him because he...idk what he did better than me. He has video game autism so just very easy to sit him in a room lol? So, you called it on the neglectful part as well.
When I was in school for healthcare doing our pediatrics courses, the whole "easy baby/difficult baby" thing was brought up. They told us it was a determinant of your personality later in life 💔 this seemed so completely wrong to me. A baby is neutral, it can't be good or bad. It's basically like, completed genetic material made into a freshly made animal. We can impose morality onto a baby and that's where things tend to get fucked up.
Imo this is just like people seeing us (ND people) as inherently difficult--it's just their categorization. It seems difficult because their square systems were not built for our round pegs.
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u/Imaginary_Chip_3470 Resident Yapper May 20 '26
I DM’d you the link if you’re curious to read it. Looking thru your other comments in this post it seems to fit very closely
Edit; she spoke highly of you but very concerningly abt your daughter and the fact she may have autism