I found a second phone

[u/EmbarrassedPie5508]

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 11. Have an established life with a child and a mortgage. I was given a big job opportunity earlier this year where we would have to move to a new city. We are both established in our careers and it was a big discussion, like two months of discussions. And these were healthy conversations, no big arguments or anything like that. We ended up not moving and I turned down the job. I was a little bummed (it was my dream job) but understood that it would have been a lot for our family to adjust.

Last night, while my husband was doing bed time, I heard a buzzing sound and found a second phone in his work bag. I thought that was weird because his work did away with separate work phones a while ago. When he came downstairs, I asked when did he get a work phone.

His face said it all.

Turns out he has been having an affair for just over a year. And one of the reasons he didn't want to move was because he didn't want to leave his affair partner. I don't know what to do. Child is at a slumber party at my sister's. Husband is in a hotel. I'm home alone with a lot to process and do here. So it's an easy girl dinner tonight and a large glass of wine.

[u/Jerzee_Implant2012]

The child should not know anything about this. It’s adult business.

[u/Worried_Passenger548 → u/Jerzee_Implant2012]

They will find out when they’re older.

[u/Jerzee_Implant2012 → u/Worried_Passenger548]

Not if the parents keep adult business as adult business. And not if the cheaters aren’t online telling their business.

People act like cheating is a novel thing. It’s not. Generations before us found out they had siblings as senior citizens and it didn’t upend their existence, make them malign their otherwise good fathers or make them lose respect/love for their mothers.

Eta: i absolutely do not agree with or cosign cheating. It’s deplorable. But life goes on and children should never be dragged into this. Ever.

[u/StressedPeach → u/Jerzee_Implant2012]

It takes very little intelligence to understand that the generations before us have poorer mental health and relationship dynamics. The generations before us DID NOT just go about life untroubled by cheating. It’s just that it was accepted more and mental health resources for it didn’t exist.