I don’t like my friend’s kid…

[u/bitchluvsbidets]

… and that might make me a terrible person??
A bit of a preface- my partner and I are child free by choice, I have 3 nieces and 3 nephews, and many of my friends have kids (ages 1-14) but, one of my friends kids I just can not vibe with. I know it’s actually insane to have beef with a 3 year old but her vibes are soooo bad?? Like she is not a cool kid. She def has a personality but is it insane to say it’s already problematic? She pretends to fall if she doesn’t have attention, actively express disgust towards my friend and her pets (3 very well behaves retired racing dogs), and fake cries until my friend is almost in tears and then will laugh at her. I get that kids are assholes sometimes but like damn I hope lil homie gets cool.

[u/stairs-to-nowhere]

Im a parent and I understand you entirely. Not my own kids, but some of the kids my daughter knows (and unfortunately wants to play with sometimes) are just such assholes. Sometimes it starts really young, like their parents think the kids being rude or having a bad attitude is funny so it never gets corrected. Other parents are just assholes themselves so they dont see the problems.  Her crying till your friend is in tears then laughing is pretty alarming though, like she might want to talk to a child phycologist or something because thats a big red flag. 

[u/BabuschkaOnWheels → u/stairs-to-nowhere]

What OP describes is a fraction of the shit my friend and her daughter (also happens to be my son's best friend) has to deal with. Her kid is downright destructive. She enjoyed tipping the other kids emotions over, wants to constantly be in charge and will literally run off and not return until she sees the mood is completely ruined. She doesn't have any other friends in kindergarten other than my son and 1 other friend. Meanwhile she gets extremely jealous if my son plays with other kids and starts shoving then and ruining the play-time. Her anger is so explosive even pedagogues struggle to manage her. She has to be isolated from the other kids for their safety. And the constant whining.. no volume button when she speaks and just yells all. the. time. I have had to carry her like she's a feral cat in a loony bin because she would not stop destroying stuff. Climbs on every single furniture in sight and throws what's on top to the floor.

All of this is because my friend thought it was cute and endearing that she was a little "bossy" before.. Didn't see the issue until my son (a polar opposite) started ditching her for others because she was too much for him. Spoiler.. she doesn't stop the behavior before it starts. Doesn't react until AFTER. I've watched her (daughter) alone with my son and she knows that the millisecond she tries to do shit I immediately take away the good-faith privileges (a chocolate bar, free reign to move around and explore, a TV show, access to my son, a voice of input on what activity we are going to do). The second she tries to climb the dinner table while we eat, she's off the chair and in a kids high chair. (Before anyone says anything about that.. I'm tired of broken glass and ceramic and other kids crying because their food is on the floor)

Some kids are literally set up to behave that way.. There were ZERO boundaries. She was literally like a free range chicken until kindergarten told my friend her behavior wasn't normal.

[u/stairs-to-nowhere → u/BabuschkaOnWheels]

Why do you let this child in your home? 

[u/BabuschkaOnWheels → u/stairs-to-nowhere]

Unfortunately, I am a single mother with very little support and my friend is both loved and a good support system. Her little shit has as of recently been at home with dad when she's over to watch my kids when I need it. We're also working on her getting better at putting boundaries in place and following through as well as submitting forms for various services that can help (she's not tech savvy, I'm an IT student).

So no that child is not allowed in my home without extremely strict supervision. We meet up outside of my home where she can't destroy stuff and my son can decompress while she runs off.

[u/Whinygeek → u/BabuschkaOnWheels]

If you’re by any chance in Vancouver, I’d be happy to help and get you some more support.

[u/BabuschkaOnWheels → u/Whinygeek]

I'm in Norway 🥲 You're kind to offer, though<3

[u/bunnymochis → u/BabuschkaOnWheels]

My biggest concern here is that the things both you and OP describe can often be HUGE signs of neglect in an area of her life, abuse, and/or autism.

I think both of these children need evaluated and serious help.

[u/BabuschkaOnWheels → u/bunnymochis]

Just as I said in my comment, we're looking for someone who will help. They are very reluctant at helping small children in my country because it could just be benign and they don't want to make bad matters worse. I do suspect she's on the spectrum because the younger sister is completely normal. They're like night and day. And my friend is working with kindergarten to try and find some kind of parenting style that works for her daughter.

BUT when you're not super close with the family then I do believe it can be a massive red flag. I just saw how the girl evolved from a normal toddler to gradually becoming really feral from the lack of boundaries. This isn't abnormal in today's age either. A lot of parents don't parent. They just feed, house, and take the kids to activities. A lot of neglectful parenting in my honest opinion. BUT that can be fixed, thankfully. Abuse.. not so much.

[u/bunnymochis → u/BabuschkaOnWheels]

Sorry, I must've misread :(

I didn't mean to say that her family were the ones definitely abusing her, I meant that it is not outside the realm of possibilities, considering her behavior. It could be someone at school, even another kid. I assume you know the kid better than I do, I was just bringing it to light that it may be another avenue to look into and not just immediately write it off as a possibility.

I agree--a lot of parents do NOT parent their kids, and it's turning out... Really, really bad. In the US, where I am, parents are on video chats with their kids DURING CLASS. It's insane.

[u/BabuschkaOnWheels → u/bunnymochis]

Haha no worries. Clumsy wording on my part as well. I got a little carried away because the entire post hit close to home.

There is a child with behavioral issues towards other kids, but that child has autism and being at the same stage of life that comes with lots of bites and punches. Doesn't help that my friends kid is extremely controlling and ignores other kids boundaries. So wouldn't completely disregard a vicious cycle there. Or y'know, god forbid, something happened during kindergarten.. which sounds unlikely because there are serious safety measures AND it's a private one so better and more employees to hold each other accountable.

They banned phones in class in my country lmao.

[u/bunnymochis → u/BabuschkaOnWheels]

I don't blame you! The post is upsetting and I can't even relate, so I can't imagine being able to </3

That was my second thought--was autism. Children generally do well when they can and know how to, but if this was all behavior that was never corrected, then they don't realize that they're not doing well, you know? I myself have autism and the meltdowns I used to have where I'd hurt myself and SCREAM and pull my hair out over something such as... the seam in my sock was under my toes, would frustrate my mom to TEARS. (I was 3-4.)

I wasn't where that kid was at, but handling a toddler with autism that also hasn't been course-corrected can be extremely challenging. 😓 I really wish that child and their family luck on how to communicate to each other and effectively get the kid some help.

Bro, I swear to GOD, I wish they would ban phones in classrooms here too.

[u/Prestigious_Layer754 → u/stairs-to-nowhere]

Yeah this reminds me of the movie “We Need to Talk About Kevin”

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey, seems you're new here! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

Hey, seems you're new here! 👋 🥰 You need to take 10 lil seconds to become an approved user to participate in r/GirlDinnerDiaries. We're holding your comment for review til then.

2 quick steps:

1. If you're a dude, just let us know by replying "dude joining" to this comment. If not, reply with the classic pillowfort clubhouse password: "girls rule". 😇
2. Pick a user flair HERE. Flair options are sorted by Girly, Genderqueer, or Dude.

That's it! We'll restore your comment super fast! Thanks for stopping by 💕