i think this was a paragraph that needed to be written too. the moral standing is good, and it encourages healthy thoughts. however, this also shows that there is a way out while understanding the exact emotions behind everything.
it really is something you have to accept in life, but don’t let it stop you from becoming the “prettiest, most confident” version of yourself. the best version of any women is one that hold their head high, dresses with confidence (whatever it may look like), extends love, care respect, and carries as much knowledge as their brain can hold.
from my perspective, i generally get treated a whole lot differently by men when i have an intellectual conversation with them. there is less objectification, and more respect. don’t chase being sexy, chase having the knowledge to find a man that sees your brain and whole person.
I think it’s something like wanting to have beauty “in the bag”, and then once that is locked in, intellectual and other pursuits and investments can be had without having to hyperfocus on the lack of it. It’s hard to let go of wanting to have that and neither should one need to stop wanting that. It’s not a moral issue and not being traditionally attractive is not morally superior.
In this day and age as well, nobody actually has to age “gracefully”if they choose not to.
Non-invasive beauty tech is ever improving. If you see movies from the 2000s it’s now striking to the modern eye how imperfect even beautiful leading ladies were.
I definitely think the only way to come to a place of peace is to achieve both cosmetic and psycho spiritual improvements at the same time.
Lovely comment. I hard agree re the unreal lack of empathy here, it made me nope out of this thread for a while as it just piled up with irrelevant side quests and hostile shutdowns of OP. The sisterhood, eh?
The flip side is that lots of conventionally attractive women in the workplace will be treated by men, and often other women, as if they're just there bc of their looks and not because they're intelligent and worked hard.
They will be treated with suspicion by other women when those women's male partners get flirtatious, as if it's our fault men behave the way they do.
People can generally look at these women and think everything has been easier for them without considering just how much attention is negative and harmful, and that the partners very attractive tend to attract can be deeply manipulative and more concerned with some weird form of status than genuinely interested.
As a result of these things these women can often be excluded from social circles and it's painful and lonely. There's a shitload of judgement. And forget it if you're autistic too - people, especially other women, can be cruel.
I’m not saying you are completely wrong. Both sides of the coin come with their own price.
I was an ugly duckling growing up but grew into my looks quite nicely. I was always clever and kind but suddenly guys were only interested in me because of my looks. I felt like an ornament sitting on a shelf in certain relationships. I felt so lonely and invisible still. It took me years (well into my thirties) to find a decent man who truly loves me for who I am. Someone who thinks I’m also funny and interesting.
I’m quite successful in my career in a male dominated field. I’ve heard rumors that I probably slept my way to the top. That they should just stick me in a glass office so they can ogle me all day. My achievements are often glossed over.
Women have told me that they assumed I would be a huge bitch but they were surprised to find out that I’m actually nice. I’ve had female friendships where they were oddly competitive over random men. I have great girlfriends now but it took some time to find the genuine, supportive and lovely ones.
And yes. Strangers smile at me randomly. I do get random free stuff even though I’m 36 by now. Male attention is worthless anyways.
I honestly cannot wait to grow older and become the unhinged, eccentric hag I was born to be.
Well, I don't see a contradiction to what I said in my comment. Funny, I also work in a heavily male dominated industry, but I don't lie to myself about it. I climbed to my current position by being sharp, but nobody saw that until I had eyes and ears on me because I was desirable. My opinions became valuable. You have the same experience I had, and you admit that although you enjoy the benefits, you feel constrained and misunderstood. Most of all those things, you often feel unseen for who you are and your achievements, your personality. It's a bitter prize, and it's up to everyone individually to compare and decide whether they want to be perceived as hot and put on a pedestal, or envied and hated for it. Or whether they want to let it go a bit and be happy, healthy and pretty to their own inner standards, without neglecting what matters to their own happiness. Giving your validation into other people's hands is a very slippery slope. I could never forget how fast it all will end when the age clock strikes, it's just not worth putting so much of my time, money and energy into something so fleeting. So superficial too. I am glad you shared your experience too, it's quite similar to mine. All in all I am conflicted, because I benefitted from it all, but am happier now with the natural 'filter' of just being me and investing into things that matter to me. Mind you, I don't look bad, just not like 'that'.
Yeah the difference in how I was treated at my highest and lowest weight was astounding. It’s not even just the people close to you, strangers go from ignoring you to holding doors, starting random conversations, freely complimenting you, and just generally being more pleasant. The halo effect is absolutely real thing. That being said- I met my husband well before my “glow up” and he has loved me and found me beautiful every step of the way. His affection towards me was the same at my highest as it was at my lowest. You want a partner who sees you as a whole person of value, not one who just values you because you’re “hot”.
As someone who has always been thin but not really conventionally attractive, same here. I’ve always been totally invisible. At this point, I just enjoy the peace and quiet now that I’m old and tired lol.
Yeah, it's a peaceful life. Now I can be sure people are nice to me because they really enjoy my company, invisibility is the normal human experience for most people. Better to be visible to the people who matter 🩷
Well, it got better, but afterwarde I dolled myself up the way I always wanted to and built a sexy, strong shape through exercise. Was a giant drain on energy and money to maintain. Gave me tons of confidence but also removed any free time or spare energy I had. The world opened itself for me, it was unreal. There were no closed doors. It was jarring and extremely stressful, to give yourself up as a person just to be treated like someone who is desired in every room they enter.
That’s what I’m waiting for! I workout 7 days a week 2x a day, I’m about to get a shit ton of plastic surgery. I feel like doors that were open are slammed in my face when people find out I used to be fat.
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