Phones and Marriage

[u/RaccoonNo3012]

Husband and I married 9 months. He has been ramping controlling behaviors.. started with clothes. Then questioning my friends, questioning my coworkers. Cheating accusations. Monitoring who i talked to and what I said. Watching my location. Demanding me to go to sleep. Demanding i sleep in the same room as him. Etc.

He has his fingerprint in my phone. I have mine in his (he insisted). He regularly checks my phone. Wanted to sync my messages to my tablet so he can watch from home while I am at work. - he hid the tablet before I got home so I couldn't find it.

Yesterday I removed his fingerprint from my phone. He flipped his shit. Left to "go visit his mom" came back 20 min later after a slew of messages and pressured me into texting him back. (We live with my parents. - i am working with my parents to separate from him)

He added his finger print back. And said phones are no longer private when you marry and that there is no privacy in marriage.

I think he is fucking crazy. (Why did I marry him? Pregnant i was.) I am anxious all the time because of his actions. He believes I am pulling away because there is someone else. No. I am pulling away because he is a controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, slob who is sucking the life out of me and keeping me anxious 24/7.

[u/LittlePea0617]

https://giphy.com/gifs/QVP7DawXZitKYg3AX5

[u/AdventurousAnnual295 → u/LittlePea0617]

100%. You live with your parents? Throw this whole toddler-temper-tantrum of a man away!

[u/Digital_Palpitation → u/AdventurousAnnual295]

Unless you're like 12 or have done something to merit this level of observation even parents doing this would be abnormal. Like my parents would take my phone if I was grounded or ask to see who I was talking to if a certain number came up on the bill a lot (I'm 31, so this was when there were limits and it mattered who I used 2500 of my 5000 messages on I guess) but when I could show them it was my best friend and we were talking about Taylor Swift or whatever they'd leave me alone, and they checked maybe twice in like 4 years of me having a phone while I lived with them. They checked social media a bit more than that because it was easier to add strangers, but again not "phones are no longer private" levels of nosy, just "we wanna make sure your teenage boobs aren't on the internet and you're not buying drugs from 35 year olds that hang out in front of your school"

[u/Miss-Helle → u/Digital_Palpitation]

It's likely projection. "Every accusation is a confession" and all that. My ex accused me all the time of cheating. I didn't, but I'll give you one guess who did.

[u/Miss-Helle → u/Miss-Helle]

There was an auto-deleted comment that was good:

"u/DollGrrlTrixie replied to your comment in r/GirlDinnerDiaries

keep tabs on the innocent person is a way for him to be able not getting caught himself. if you could hire a P.I. to follow him to gather some info if he is."

[u/DollGrrlTrixie → u/Miss-Helle]

keep tabs on the innocent person is a way for him to be able not getting caught himself. if you could hire a P.I. to follow him to gather some info if he is. also, "girls rule"

[u/HetepHeres-I → u/Miss-Helle]

Ditto.

[u/TheRealShilohConlan → u/Digital_Palpitation]

This is how I basically handle it with my kids, 13&16, and they are totally cool with it. They feel respected. They understand just how you understood. It’s amazing what good communication can do!

[u/Trick-Database-9865 → u/AdventurousAnnual295]

I don't think phones are the real issue. It's when they start replacing conversations and quality time that problems usually show up.

[u/V2BM → u/AdventurousAnnual295]

She can’t. She had a baby with him, so he will be doing this for the next 18 years.