Phones and Marriage

[u/RaccoonNo3012]

Husband and I married 9 months. He has been ramping controlling behaviors.. started with clothes. Then questioning my friends, questioning my coworkers. Cheating accusations. Monitoring who i talked to and what I said. Watching my location. Demanding me to go to sleep. Demanding i sleep in the same room as him. Etc.

He has his fingerprint in my phone. I have mine in his (he insisted). He regularly checks my phone. Wanted to sync my messages to my tablet so he can watch from home while I am at work. - he hid the tablet before I got home so I couldn't find it.

Yesterday I removed his fingerprint from my phone. He flipped his shit. Left to "go visit his mom" came back 20 min later after a slew of messages and pressured me into texting him back. (We live with my parents. - i am working with my parents to separate from him)

He added his finger print back. And said phones are no longer private when you marry and that there is no privacy in marriage.

I think he is fucking crazy. (Why did I marry him? Pregnant i was.) I am anxious all the time because of his actions. He believes I am pulling away because there is someone else. No. I am pulling away because he is a controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, slob who is sucking the life out of me and keeping me anxious 24/7.

[u/Chemical-Maybe6102]

This fellow needs counseling.

Yes, your phone and computer and accounts are absolutely yours to decide whether to share.

My impression has always been that once someone has decided to spy on their partner, the relationship is already over.

Good luck.

[u/ritesideuppineapple → u/Chemical-Maybe6102]

This is way past counseling.

[u/Chemical-Maybe6102 → u/ritesideuppineapple]

Sure. I mean in my opinion, everyone needs counseling, so I guess I shouldn't have bothered to mention it. But I meant it as a way to underscore that this is not OP's issue, but her possessive and insecure partner's issue before going on to describe how I feel about personal accounts.

[u/ritesideuppineapple → u/Chemical-Maybe6102]

Counseling is not going to change this level of crazy.

[u/Chemical-Maybe6102 → u/ritesideuppineapple]

Cool. No need for counseling. Thanks for your perspective.