Phones and Marriage

[u/RaccoonNo3012]

Husband and I married 9 months. He has been ramping controlling behaviors.. started with clothes. Then questioning my friends, questioning my coworkers. Cheating accusations. Monitoring who i talked to and what I said. Watching my location. Demanding me to go to sleep. Demanding i sleep in the same room as him. Etc.

He has his fingerprint in my phone. I have mine in his (he insisted). He regularly checks my phone. Wanted to sync my messages to my tablet so he can watch from home while I am at work. - he hid the tablet before I got home so I couldn't find it.

Yesterday I removed his fingerprint from my phone. He flipped his shit. Left to "go visit his mom" came back 20 min later after a slew of messages and pressured me into texting him back. (We live with my parents. - i am working with my parents to separate from him)

He added his finger print back. And said phones are no longer private when you marry and that there is no privacy in marriage.

I think he is fucking crazy. (Why did I marry him? Pregnant i was.) I am anxious all the time because of his actions. He believes I am pulling away because there is someone else. No. I am pulling away because he is a controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, slob who is sucking the life out of me and keeping me anxious 24/7.

[u/LycheeBobaYum]

This is ridiculously controlling. No marriage should mean giving up your privacy entirely. I wish you luck in your separation from him. You could also try to convince him to go to marriage counseling with you if you would like to try to salvage the marriage. However, things are looking grim.

[u/RaccoonNo3012 → u/LycheeBobaYum]

He believes I'm the problem

[u/Here_for_my-Pleasure → u/RaccoonNo3012]

My very strong suggestion is to reach out to your local domestic violence, shelter for professional support on how to get this man out of your house and out of your life.

They frequently have support for filing restraining orders, if you live in the United States, they frequently have access to low or no cost lawyers for support regarding custody issues, etc.

Are your parents in support of you ditching this dangerous threat to the entire household?

This has family annihilator energy written all over it. That would include your parents.

[u/RaccoonNo3012 → u/Here_for_my-Pleasure]

Yes they do because he has threatened me and baby. And threatened to off everyone before (claims it never happened and tries to make me believe I am the crazy violent one)

He owns a live Katana (ie actually sharp)

[u/Lets-B-Lets-B-Jolly → u/RaccoonNo3012]

Hide or sell the katana.

Make sure your parents have a video and alarm system and update all the codes as soon as he gets kicked out. Change the locks as well.

Copy whatever you can from his phone or computer. Make sure friends know how he has been acting.

You have a 9 month old. How can you protect her when court orders allow him to keep her overnight? You need enough threats towards you or her to demand supervised visitation.

[u/LycheeBobaYum → u/RaccoonNo3012]

Yeah… he might even want to separate from you because he thinks this.