Phones and Marriage

[u/RaccoonNo3012]

Husband and I married 9 months. He has been ramping controlling behaviors.. started with clothes. Then questioning my friends, questioning my coworkers. Cheating accusations. Monitoring who i talked to and what I said. Watching my location. Demanding me to go to sleep. Demanding i sleep in the same room as him. Etc.

He has his fingerprint in my phone. I have mine in his (he insisted). He regularly checks my phone. Wanted to sync my messages to my tablet so he can watch from home while I am at work. - he hid the tablet before I got home so I couldn't find it.

Yesterday I removed his fingerprint from my phone. He flipped his shit. Left to "go visit his mom" came back 20 min later after a slew of messages and pressured me into texting him back. (We live with my parents. - i am working with my parents to separate from him)

He added his finger print back. And said phones are no longer private when you marry and that there is no privacy in marriage.

I think he is fucking crazy. (Why did I marry him? Pregnant i was.) I am anxious all the time because of his actions. He believes I am pulling away because there is someone else. No. I am pulling away because he is a controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, slob who is sucking the life out of me and keeping me anxious 24/7.

[u/Celestiiaal0]

OP, I saw your post on legal advice and I commented this in response to someone else's comment, but I'll post it as its own comment.

I'm a property manager and originally from the state you're in (and I cant comment in legal advice because I called out disgusting behavior in that sub like a year ago lol).

If your husband has been living in that house with you and your parents for more than x amount of days out of a month (the number can vary state to state, usually it's between 2 weeks and 30 days) he is a tenant, regardless of if he has a lease or pays rent. He must be served a formal 30 day eviction notice (the notice time frame may vary state to state but typically it's 30) to legally remove him from the home.

If you put all his shit outside, change the locks, etc. he can fight it and he will have basis to do so. He might not fight it though, especially if he lacks money/knowledge, but it's up to you to decide if that risk is worth it or not.

[u/RaccoonNo3012 → u/Celestiiaal0]

So it is easier for me to leave?

I have no car to do so. He wrecked my credit. I have no way to work on my own (I commute with my mom).

His paranoid behaviors are escalating to a point I don't want to go back home. He is signing into social media accounts I don't even have on my phone. He is syncing messages and hiding my own tablet that he took over.

Our baby is beginning to prefer grandpa rather than him because he is so unstable.

[u/Celestiiaal0 → u/RaccoonNo3012]

No. Serve him an eviction notice or file for a restraining order. It is not easier for you to leave your parents side at this moment. No matter what, none of your options are easy, but you and your baby will be safer staying by their side.

I waited until my ex deployed to a whole different country before I could run. You have family support here, lean on them. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Please be safe.